Where you Belong
by SidewaysCope
Summary: Castiel has finally escaped the grips of his abusive Father to start a new life in Lawrence, Kansas.  Genres: A mixture of everything. And eventually Dean/Castiel.
1. Chapter 1: Memories

_Castiel ran as fast as he could a bag carry mere essentials digging into his shoulder, his chest pinched each breath aching at the release. "Castiel! Castiel! Get back here you abomination! You can run boy but mark my word I'll find you! I always do!" _

Castiel's eyes snapped open as the sound of his Father's voice echoed in his ears. He lay still on the cold floor giving his brain time to catch-up and register his location as the panic slowly disappeared. There was no way his Father could find him, one thing Castiel was good at was covering his tracks a trait he had learnt so no one could follow him. Slowly and carefully he sat up leaning against a wall while looking around his current location. A bus station, two days of non-stop traveling, hitchhiking and walking he had finally reached the last leg of his journey. One more lengthy bus ride he would finally be in Lawrence, Kansas in the hopes of starting clean with his Brother. Out of all his siblings Gabriel was the one who had helped him the most, when they still lived under the same roof he had covered for Castiel and protected him from their Father. A strictly Religious man who had cruel ways of punishment and once Gabriel left without a word but a single promise to Castiel that one day he would come get him. Castiel felt the full-brunt of what his Father truly thought of him and Gabriel.

He stood up slowly and stretched his muscles that for the last couple hours had been scrunched up in a ball while he slept uneasily, his muscles loosened and bones cracked relieving the pressure. He had always feared of sleeping too deeply, years of enduring early Mass with his Father and siblings had taught him to almost sleep with one eye open and be completely aware of his surrounding, his Father had always been unpredictable and when he felt one of children had done wrong, he felt no remorse for waking them at different times to repent for their apparent sins. Sometimes it would be physically dragged to Church to pray for forgiveness or a much more severe punishment. Of course depending how their Father was feelings.

He grabbed his bag which held items and clothing he was able to find and pack before making the escape that he had been planning for years since Gabriel left, he walked through the silent bus station other travellers still sleeping, and briefly took note of when his bus was due to leave and headed for the bathroom.

For a 17-year-old Castiel was short and scrawny with dark hair and bright blue eyes which was a very obvious difference to his siblings who were all tall and similar in appearance and personality, even Gabriel had inherited similarities to his other Brothers but also had an air of power around him which made Castiel feel very much like the black sheep of the family. Something which his Father had used to his advantage, but unlike his Brothers, Castiel was a deep thinker he always considered every possibility and scenerio before making a concrete decision the same could be said about Gabriel who although had openly admitted he could be a coward at time had found strength to leave the Family Home.

He looked into the mirror his shocked reflection staring back at him; he took in his appearance slowly. Under the messy black hair bruises and cuts stood out against his pale skin, a black and blue bruise had slowly spread across his cheekbone and his lip had slowly started to heal. He touched the bruise gingerly while wincing, he had gotten a lot worse on his body to avoid questions from concerned neighbours and fellow towns people he was only ever punished on his body so clothes could cover the evidence. He had become very wary of the looks passer-by's were giving him and whispers of curiosity although if anyone asked he said he fell down the stairs and was extremely accident prone.

He sat away from the crowd ignoring the stares and feelings of paranoia and worry that his Father was about to burst in at any moment. His stomach growled in protest several times as he considered the many scenarios of what would happen once he got to Lawrence.

"Bus 10 departing to Lawrence, Kansas in 10 minutes."

**A/N: This is my first Supernatural Fanfic, it's pretty scary because I've read so many amazing fanfictions so it's pretty daunting  
><strong>**I hope you enjoy this one and I'll update as much as I can. ****Review and if you have any ideas that you want me to add in for future chapters, I'm open to suggestion. **


	2. Chapter 2: Travel

On- Route to Lawrence, Kansas

It seemed the bus ride was endless, no matter how many times Castiel looked at his watch the hands barely changed. Seconds felt like minutes, and minutes felt like hours. He has sat silently watching the cars and passing scenery in an attempt to distract him from what his mind was still trying to process. All the emotions buzzing through his mind made his stomach clench and body squirm. Fear, panic, anxiety, worry and pain he could list them all but it did not help him feeling any better. At times he would lean his head against the cold window, closing his eyes only briefly in attempt to rid the itching tiredness but at a single movement from another passenger, his body and mind automatically sprang to attention, a single great rush of adrenaline made his heart pound and blood rush to his ears. It was like his body was getting ready to run just in case his Father had tracked him down, the paranoia never once budged. When the bus had pulled aside for a quick break, he would keep his head down in the hopes no one recognise him, stay in the crowd enough for cover but no physical contact.

He had tried his best to think positively to what he could achieve and do in Lawrence. Freedom, the sweet taste of freedom he had craved for so long and normality. What he would have done just to feel what normal felt like, but having his Father's promise that one day he would track him down weighed on his mind.

_Would it even be possible to start over and to live a normal life with Gabriel? _

He half smiled sardonically at the thought that was one of the questions that seemed to always come back. He could barely remember what it felt like to be normal, after his Mother had passed things seemed to change with attitudes and beliefs. And a normal life had just evaporated much like his Father's sanity. He had yearned to be like his Neighbours children going to the park with their siblings, sleeping through the night without a worry about what could happen. Feelings the love and affection from his Family but it was all alien to him. Of course Gabriel had tried his best to make Castiel feel some love and affection but Saint Michael who was constantly reporting to their Father seemed to take great pleasure in dashing that. Their Father soon took to drink and it was like the slightest sign of happiness or love, it was automatically counted as a sin of possession.

One night their Father had returned to find Gabriel comforting Castiel, the anger in their Father's eyes could not even be described. It was almost like he disgusted at the thought of comfort. Words were yelled, some of which indicated that Castiel was an abomination and it was his fault their Mother had died. Castiel's existence had caused the cancer due mainly to Castiel being the youngest and so different. Gabriel had protecting Castiel, telling the old man to settle down and sleep it off.

His Father had never once lifted a hand at Michael, Raphael or Gabriel but once Gabriel had left the Family Home the repressed anger his Father held came out like the fires of Hell. Michael was brain washed and Raphael had never cared much for Castiel, doors closed and memories were forgotten and if someone was to ask why Castiel had bruises on his body. Both would say almost casually that Castiel had a tendency to be prone to accidents at home. Once Raphael had joked that Castiel had the balance of a person with two left feet and had fallen down the stairs or the eyesight of a near-blind person and had walked into a door or table.

"We will be arriving in Lawrence, Kansas within the hour…"

Lawrence, Kansas

Once the bus had arrived Castiel pulled out envelope that held a single piece of information. Gabriel had gotten in contact with a close-friend and had asked that the envelope be passed on to Castiel as soon as possible. It held the address of Gabriel's current location.

66_ Swan Song Lane  
><em>_Lawrence  
><em>_Kansas_

Years of bible reading and lectures had made Castiel a little worried at the numbers '66' which to him were a bad omen it had basically been drilled into him at a young age of the significant importance of the numbers. Whether Gabriel was aware of this he would have to ask him when he finally found him.

He walked around Lawrence with morbid interest and curiosity it was so peaceful and calm, like nothing could disturb the peace. He heard the loud dongs of the local Church announcing the time, he stood still as 12 loud dongs were sounded and his stomach soon connected. Due to the amount of anxiety with traveling and getting caught, Castiel could not recall the last time he ate. He walked towards a small Bakery. A pretty blonde girl greeted him at the counter, she seemed first unaware of his current appearance but than seemed transfixed. "Hello there, my gosh are you okay?" he knew instantly she was talking about his bruised face. "Yes, I am fine. Umm, I was wondering if you could help me?" she continued to stare in shock until she shook herself. "Yes of course, I'm sorry. How can I help?" his thoughts of food soon disappeared as well as the hunger when he withdrew the envelope. "Could you direct me to Swan Song Lane?" her lips almost twitched in humour like there was some inside joke. "Are you looking for the Winchesters or something?" he stared at her blankly. "I am sorry, who?" her face turned red, Castiel continued to stare at her in confusion. "I apologise if I was not clear, but I am hoping to find Gabriel Novak there." She laughed awkwardly. "No I'm sorry I shouldn't have presumed. I just thought you were another of the Winchester bunch I've lost count how many people have come in here looking for the Winchester. Pretty popular lot really." She spoke quickly as if trying to brush aside the awkwardness. "But I do know Gabriel, he's one of our best customers."

The girl eventually introduced herself as Jo Harvelle and wrote down very detailed directions to the Swan Song Lane. He followed them precisely and eventually found himself walking down the lane counting the houses till he finally stopped in front of the house which he hoped still housed Gabriel.

Cautiously he walked up the path and rang the doorbell. The sound echoed but no one opened the door, nothing moved within the house and Castiel stood there considering his next move. He turned to leave just as the front door opened. "Castiel?"

His body filled with relief as a voice he hadn't heard in a long time reached his ears; he turned to see Gabriel standing at the door.

**A/N: Nice long chapter  
>Review and more to come soon <strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Reunion

Castiel stood still not sure of how to greet the Brother he had not seen his years, he considered hugging him but even to him that felt awkward. "I… I can't believe you're here." Gabriel walked straight up to Castiel pulling him into a rib-cracking hug, which Castiel could only make a sound of protest. "Sorry." he held Castiel at arms length evaluating his current appearance. "A bit peaky nothing a good few square meals won't fix," he pulled him forward into another hug and sniffed his hair. "And maybe a shower and change of clothes as well, you stink Little Brother." Taking Castiel by the wrist he dragged him into the house.

Sometime later Castiel and Gabriel sat silently in the Kitchen. Gabriel had insisted that Castiel have a shower and change clothes before they had the serious conversation to how Castiel had managed to get to Kansas. "I take your escape backfired?" Gabriel's eyes glued on Castiel's cheekbone while his fingers tightened a fraction around his mug. "Yes. But I sense Michael may have tipped Father off, Father returned an hour than I had expected, I had hoped to leave while he was away." He heard his Brother snort in disbelief. "Saint Michael, I hope one day Karma comes and bites him in the ass." Gabriel pushed a plate of pie in front of Castiel urging him to eat. "What happened after that?" cautiously, Castiel tasted a small piece of the pie. "Father found me in mid packing as you can imagine he was furious." He picked at the pie not particularly sure of what to make of it. "Things got violent and eventually I managed to escape, he chased me through the Fields and Wood before giving up." He cleared his throat of the emotion of talking about the events. "And you got to Kansas all by yourself?" Gabriel asked finishing off the left over pie that his Little Brother had lost interest in. "I hitchhiked, walked and starved myself to save my money for the bus trip. I had no idea how much it would be so I did not want to risk it." Gabriel's face was thoughtful but soon turned serious. "Does anyone other than the person I trusted with the letter know my whereabouts?" Castiel's bright blue eyes collided with Gabriel's; he had never once considered whether others knew. "I do not believe so. Raphael rarely spoke to me and I was extremely careful with my actions around Michael."

"_I promise you Castiel I will protect you if anything happens, and this time I won't break it." _

Gabriel's words replayed in Castiel's mind as he lay in his new bed, no matter what he tried he just could not seem to switch his mind off. The many and endless possibilities of what he could do with his new life circled around his brain over and over. For the first time in years he was excited, that feeling of hope and joy mixed together warmed his stomach until Gabriel dropped a shocking bombshell on his lap.

"High School? I do not understand." Gabriel had found Castiel awake sitting alone in the Kitchen staring into space. He placed some pancakes on a plate in front of him as he tried to digest the information. "Legally, you have to be in school which conveniently starts today. So when you're ready we're going to get you registered." He stared at his Brother dumbstruck; Castiel like his other Siblings had been homes-schooled, although Gabriel had been the only one to go to College. "And Castiel there's nothing to worry about, plus it might help with the whole 'social awkwardness' you have going on."

Salvation High 

Castiel had always been an awkward person even much so as a child or when he was out of his comfort zone. He was extremely aware of the scrutinising look the Headmistress was giving him when he and Gabriel arrived for their appointment. "I really do not understand why it is necessary for me to come here." He whispered to Gabriel was the Headmistress had left briefly, without even lifting his head from the paperwork his was filling out. "Because I don't want you home alone all day, plus you need grades if you want to work in the future." Castiel stared in disbelief, which Gabriel caught out the corner of his eye. "Little Brother let me tell you something. Sitting alone in a big house for hours is bad. Socialising and developing relationships is good. Getting the hint yet?"

They went silence once the Headmistress returned and fully aware she had interrupted a discussion. "I apologise if I interrupted."

"Not at all, Castiel is just a little anxious about coming to a Public School. He was home-schooled for most of his life."

"I can assure you that Castiel will fit in just fine here Mr. Novak, we have vast variety of students currently studying here. And I'm sure he'll find somewhere that suits his needs. Now would you like a tour before we discuss lessons plans and timetables?"

"Now, this is our English Department which has separate quiet rooms for individual studying or project building…" he tuned out the monotone voice of his now Headmistress… "Ah Mr. Donalds this is a new student who will be joining your lessons tomorrow." Without realisation he found himself standing in front of a classroom of curious eyes. He moved back trying to get away from the stares only to receive a sharp elbow in the ribs from Gabriel.

_From the back of the room Dean Winchester stared at the new guy who stood almost terrified in front of the whole class. Short and scrawny with dark tousled hair but the brightest blue eyes that he could see from where he was sitting. "Hey, Dean he's a bit weird don't you think? And I wonder what happened to his face." _

_From his angle he didn't know what the girl next to him was talking about until Castiel turned his face. "Who knows, probably one of those guys who pisses the wrong people off."_

**A/N: Who can't but help love the socially awkward Cas  
>More to come later. Reviews if you want :) (Oh yeah, does anyone know what colour eyes Gabriel has?)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: First Day

First Day

Castiel had almost let his nerves get the best of him even before his first day at High School had even started. He had spent most of the time wide awake and eventually gave up and paced around or sitting silently until Gabriel woke up. Gabriel had tried his best to encourage Castiel to think positive but all he could do was stare in disbelief at his Older Brother. "You'll be fine Little Brother, just try and be yourself?" he heard the suggestive question at the end of Gabriel's sentence. "You are not helping Gabriel." His Brother chuckled while ruffling his hair affectionately. "Trust me you'll be fine, you know I'm proud of you for agreeing to do this. All you need is just that little push most of the time."

Once Gabriel had dropped him off he looked at the building it seemed different to when he visited. It was more terrifying; he followed the directions towards the Offices. Since Gabriel had dropped him off every student who had seen him was watching, he kept his eyes down trying to ignore the whispers and stares but just standing in the Office made him even more conscious of the stares. "Here you go my dear," the lady at the desk handed him his schedule, a map of the School and a piece of paper which she instructed him to have signed by all his teachers. Why he did not know but still he nodded and pocketed. "Also if you ever need anything, I'm always here to help." She reached across and patted his hand; he could see the pity on her face. Why she pitied him? Was it because of his bruises he did not know and had no reason to ask or question.

What Castiel found more conscious of was not just the endless stares and whispers but his teachers' persistence to have him introduce himself to his classmates, his English class had been the worst. "Class, as I'm sure you're aware we have a new student joining us today." He stood awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact with the students in front of him. "Castiel, why do you not introduce yourself and tell a bit about yourself?" She heard a change in tone when she said his name. Something he had registered with his other teachers. "Why?" he heard gasps from the girls and repressed snorts of laughter from the boys. "Why what Castiel?" he looked over at his teacher his eyes blank. "Why must I introduce myself, I find it unnecessary." His teacher blanched and than forced a chuckle. "I understand that first days are daunting but it is only polite when you meet new people." His blue eyes narrowed at her a dangerous light appearing in them. "I would rather avoid more introduction, could I please sit down?" with her mouth slightly open in shock she pointed towards an empty chair near the window, once the lesson started he engrossed himself in what his teacher was saying, taking notes and occasionally looking out the corner of his eye he only did this but became wary of someone watching him. Who? He was not quite sure just yet.

One thing that struck Castiel was how lonely he felt in a crowd of people, he sat alone in the Lunchroom picking at his food until a shadow was cast over him. "You're Castiel right?" the boy sat down next to him which surprised him since most people had gotten bored of looking at him and barely glanced at him now, he had melted into the background an unknown. "I'm Chuck Shurley." He held his hand out which Castiel looked at before shaking hands. "Castiel Novak." They sat in a comfortable silence neither sure of what to say but finally Castiel felt a sense of peace. "Have you found your way around yet?" Chuck tapped his fingers on his knees while Castiel considered how to answer. "It has been… Challenging." He took out his schedule for Chuck to look at, and he saw the boy's face light up. "We're almost in all the same classes, I can show you so you don't have to always look at that map. It's pretty useless if you ask me." He watched in amazement as Chuck babbled on without even breathing. "I would greatly appreciate that Chuck. Thank you." Chuck smiled brightly at him but his face turned dark when a group of boys came up to them. "Hey, Chuck what are you doing hanging out with this weirdo."

"I'm just doing something no else has bothered to do Gordon so back off." He stood up in blocking Castiel from their view, the boy in front with almost black eyes grinned cruelly. The boy Gordon grabbed Chuck by the front of his shirt as Castiel flinched at the familiarity of the violent contact, his throat seized up in panic as he stood quickly, blood pounding in his ears and a cold sweat breaking out on his skin. "Look at that, the new kid's already scared and we haven't even touched him yet." There was silence in the Lunchroom as people turned to watch and witness. "Hey Gordon! Why don't you back off?" a voice reached Castiel's ears it was deep and strong, Gordon let go of Chuck pushing him to the floor and turning. "Winchester! Never knew you were the kind of guy to protect weirdo new kids."

Dean had been watching the new kid for most of the day; his first impressions of Castiel Novak had been he pissed the wrong people off and how wrong he was. The kid had been a ghost just trying to disappear; never once had he even made eye contact with anyone. "You're right Gordon but it's not on when you start on my friend you dick!" he saw Castiel slid back on to the floor, his hands covering his face as if he was trying to fight the fear. He could visually see the kid shaking in fear. "If you go near either of them again you'll have me to deal with! Now get lost before you make me really mad."

He saw Chuck's face of relief when Gordon and his cronies left, Dean kneeled near Castiel who was still shaking soft sobs could be heard behind his hands. He placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder who flinched away immediately at the contact.

"Please. Don't touch me."

**A/N: Another long chapter :)  
>Dean to the rescue... Every girls dream ;) <strong>


	5. Chapter 5: Cas

As soon as Dean had touched him Castiel immediately flinched at the contact, how many times had he found himself hiding away his face trying to repress memories that rose to the surface. Echoes of voices that had lingered in his subconscious soon blasted in his mind.

Castiel had always like high places he knew that some feared heights but like most things he could not understand why. He remembered as a child after his Mother had passed he would climb out his bedroom window and sit on the roof in the hopes it would bring him closer to her, and she would give him a sign of her love and affection. Something which did not come, he had always questioned silently to himself why God had taken away his Mother and why his Father blamed him for her departure. Even with all those questions he felt his Faith fracturing until there was nothing left just a broken soul.

After the scene in the Canteen he had needed the isolation that only a high place would give him, granted he had already heard what was spread around the School. Gossip, he had hoped to stay away from the talk of others opinions. "Do you think he's special or something?" he glanced over the edge to see two girls talking near the door of the Gym. He remembered seeing one of the girls from his classes. Lisa, yes he was positive that was her name. She like most of the girls was extremely pretty and knew exactly how their looks affected others and how to use them to her advantage. The girl next to her was African America she was someone Castiel had not yet seen in any of his lessons. Granted it was his first day and not yet attended all of them. "No, I don't think he's special! He's like every single student in this entire school and has some personal issues. Don't be a bitch and judge him because he had a moment of weakness. I didn't even see you bothering to help or even talk to him." Lisa stood stunned at her friend's outburst as well as Castiel; no one had ever stood up for him partly because no one knew he even existed but that girl did. She had noticed him and defended with against the odds of the gossip. "You should thank Cassie when you see her next."

He had been so entranced with the conversation on the ground he was unaware of someone had joined him on the roof. "Don't worry no one knows you're here." It was him, the guy who had had a confrontation with Gordon. He moved back out of pure instinct only to hit a wall. "Everyone's been wondering where you've disappeared to." He sat down in front of Castiel his green eyes not as green as he first thought them to be. He could see a hint of hazel in the mixture. "I just needed to be alone." His voice soft he slowly allowed his eyes to make contact with his.

He stared into the green/hazel eyes that seemed endless. "Castiel, does it mean anything?" his body warmed at how the guy in front of him pronounced his name. "My cover is God."

"Well, my cover is God, I'm Dean."

There was something about Dean Winchester that Castiel could not put his finger on. Not only when his first week passed he could almost sense Dean watching over him, they had always seemed to bump into each other whenever they were supposed to be in Gym. Sometimes they spoke and other times it was silent but in that short space of time had spent together Dean had already dubbed Castiel 'Cas.'

It made him feel more human and in the short period of time other started calling him by the nickname. "Little Brother we need to talk." He was sitting on the sofa the TV on as a distraction while working on an essay one of his lessons. "Your Gym teacher has rung me." Gabriel sat on the arm of the sofa. "He's said you haven't turned up to any of the classes." Castiel shifted uncomfortably at finally being caught out. "I am not fond of physical sports." Gabriel sighed. "Castiel, I get that but you can't just ditch the lessons especially not in your first week of starting a new school." Castiel's eyes dulled a fraction. "Look, I really don't like having awkward conversations like that. If you didn't feel comfortable you should've said and we could have made other arrangements." Castiel bit his lip while nodding quietly. "I had not intended to avoid Gym it is just that there were complications." Gabriel's eyebrows rose slowly. "Complications? Does this have something to do with the altercation with another student on your first day? Yes Castiel that was brought up as well."

"I would rather not discuss it." Castiel closed his book with a snap ending the discussion. "Okay, you're not willing to discuss the 'complications' but if that hadn't happened would you have still ditched Gym?" Castiel made a noise of irritation at his Brother determination to find answers. "Yes I would have." Gabriel tapped his foot against the sofa waiting for a continuation of the sentence. "Because…?"

"Because Father used something other than his fist to punish me."

Castiel knew at some time he would have to explain to his Brother the extent of what their Father was capable of. He stood pulling off his shirt in the process allowing Gabriel the full visual of the punishment beatings. "When he drank he became crueller." Gabriel traced the different scars his face pale in shock even at the softest touch Castiel flinched. "My ribs still hurt especially when it is cold, they have never real healed properly." His Brother said nothing since his stunned silence making Castiel worried. "I'm so sorry Castiel, if I knew I would've come get you myself. Why didn't you ever try and contact me?" Castiel pulled his shirt on and sat down, wrapping his arms around a pillow for comfort. "Father and Michael would check my room for anything linked to you and if they found anything. Father made sure to issue the necessary punishment, to him you are a weak coward." Gabriel nodded in agreement. "The bastard." Was all he said before disappearing upstairs slamming his bedroom door.

"Novak I believe you know about the conversation we've had with your Brother regarding you Gym attendance?" he had been finally caught by his Gym teacher who had marched him straight to his office. When he didn't answer his teacher carried on. "Well, we've had another conversation and have been made aware of personal issues. The ultimate decision is to pull you from Gym and you make up the grade with extra curricular activities." He silently thanked Gabriel who had come in earlier in the day after the night before revelations. "But first you have to make up what you missed, so you'll be joining Mr. Winchester for after-school detention for the next two weeks."

**Ooh After-School Detention just what will those two get up too? ;)  
>I can think of a couple things... ;);) <strong>


	6. Chapter 6: Detention

Detention 

Castiel arrived around 10 minutes earlier than necessary to start the first of a two-week after-school detention. For most of the day he had nervously been trying to figure out what tasks himself and Dean would have to endure. But luckily Chuck had said it was usually cleaning out the Gym storage lockers or depending on who the Gym teacher in charge of detention was possibly scrubbing the locker rooms. Castiel had of course been horrified by the prospect of going into the locker rooms after so many people had used them. "D-don't worry! It's not as bad as it sound, actually it is but it won't scar… well it might. Just wash your hands a lot and hold you breath." He had been sitting with Chuck outside in the sunshine during Lunch. "Cas, you might be lucky." He had laughed at Castiel's stunned face and actions as he pushed aside his food. "You going to eat that?" he pointed at Castiel's abandoned food. "And look on the bright side you'll have Dean with you, so it won't get boring." He said while helping himself to the abandoned fries.

He walked into the main Gym to find it empty and dark, his stomach pinched in worry as he looked around. "Well, well, well. Look who it is! Angel boy!" his spine stiffened as a voice floated out the darkness, he looked over his shoulder to see Gordon appear from a dark corner. Castiel's eyes darted around the Gym in the hopes of looking for somewhere to escape only he knew Gordon was stronger and most possibly faster than him. "I've been hearing a lot about you Angel boy." He flinched at the reference of his name as he moved back which only made Gordon smirk cruelly. "From what I've heard which is interesting. Apparently you have the name of some Angel or something. Were your parents freaks or were just the unlucky one?" his back finally hit the Gym wall and Gordon closed the space between them. "It would probably explain a lot though." He grabbed Castiel by the front his shirt pulling his forward and slamming him back into the wall. "Did mommy and daddy protect you from the big bad world?" he grinned coldly as Castiel could only stare into the dark eyes which were gleaming. Castiel felt a rise of courage as he smirked at Gordon; he found it amusing how wrong Gordon was about him and his upbringing. Even a small laugh escaped past his lips, which stunned him. "What's so funny Angel boy?" he swallowed trying to use to courage to his advantage and try to find his voice. "It is funny how wrong you are." Gordon grabbed Castiel tighter by his shirt lifting him so their eyes were at the same level. "What did you say?" he growled dangerously there faces close together. "It is funny how wrong you are." Castiel felt his confidence growing but also feeling the anger emanating off Gordon. "You might wanna watch what you say to me Angel boy, wouldn't want to bruise up that pretty face of yours now would we? Although it looks like someone's done the honour of beating me to it."

Castiel closed his eyes only briefly before looking straight into Gordon's eyes as if searching for something to explain his actions. "You're a freak Angel boy and I think somebody needs to explain the way things work around here." He had heard those words before in a different context but similar scenario. There had been a many of times where his Father would say Castiel needed to learn his place, at the memory his body braced itself for the possibly impact of a fist. "Hey! What's going on here?"

A sudden burst of light lit the entire Gym as Castiel sagged almost in relief at another familiar voice. He turned his head to see Dean standing near the Gym doors, his green eyes flaring. Gordon pushed Castiel roughly into the Gym wall knocking the wind from his lungs as the impact nudged his ribs the pain almost blinding him. "I thought I told you to stay away from him." Dean's voice echoed in the empty Gym as Castiel tried to repress the pain radiating from his ribs. "Get lost." Gordon only took a moment before leaving to whisper only loud enough for Castiel to hear. "Watch yourself Angel boy because your guard dog won't always be around."

Years of learning to deal with pain Castiel closed his eyes breathing in deeply and slowly each as painful as the next. "Cas, you okay?" He nodded to answer before opening his eyes, Dean kneeled before him concern on his face. "Don't lie, what's wrong?" Castiel attempted to pull himself up only to stop half way and sit down again. "Nothing."

He heard Dean snort and move closer, he became acutely aware of Dean's scent. He felt a rush of heat and a pinch of something else in his body. His senses heightened as Dean leaned forward moving Castiel's arm aside and gently tracing his fingers over his ribs as he was looking for answers Castiel was not willing to give. "Bruised, broken or fractured?" the tips of his fingers traced over each rib still searching. "Broken. Definitely broken and never quite healed properly." He removed his hand. "You might want to go to the Nurse about that."

"No, I-I am fine." He attempted to get up again only to hear Dean mumble 'the hell you are.' But still assisting Castiel to stand. "It will pass in a moment." He took a deep breath and straightened just as the Gym teacher arrived unaware of what had happened in her absence.

"Oh good! You're both here." She looked slightly concerned at Castiel's pain streaked face. "You alright there Novak?" he murmured a response of yes while she looked at both of them. "Thought we start out with something easy, I want all the equipment storage rooms organised I'll be watching so no cutting corners."

Thankfully the pain radiating from Castiel's ribs slowly became a dull ache as he distracted himself only occasionally he would flinch, something Dean made very clear he was aware of. "What happened?"

Dean shoved a bag of balls into the corner. "Your ribs? Might as well tell me not like I'm going to tell anyone." Castiel pushed a box aside with his foot avoiding eye contact with green eyes, which were staring unblinking. "It was an accident I have become accustomed with the pain." Dean snorted in disbelief that surprised Castiel. "Bull. I've had broken ribs before and I know the pain and it takes a hell of a lot to break them as well. So was it really an accident Cas or something else?" he grew even more uncomfortable with the conversation. "I…I fell down some stairs."

"How about you look me in the eye and say that, because I know you're still lying." Dean took Castiel's chin his hand forcing him to look into his eyes, his fingers rough against his skin. Blue clashing with green, "I fell down some stairs." He did not blink until Dean finally seemed satisfied, turning away to throw another bag against the wall. "Why didn't you get treatment for them?" Castiel could admit that lying made him extremely uncomfortable, most of the time he had others do it for him but Dean putting him on the spot forced him to make a decision: Tell the truth or lie neither made him feel better. "My Father did not trust the Health Care System. He believed everything could be solved with a over the counter pain medication, ice pack or hot water bottle." Not completely false but he hoped it would stop Dean prying, they worked in silence until Dean got bored and left only to return smiling. "She's gone," he took a basketball checking the pressure. "C'mon, might as well have some fun while we're here." Castiel followed Dean into the main Gym as he bounced the ball on the floor the sound echoing. "Ever played basketball?" Castiel shook his head he had of course heard about it and had seen other children in his Neighbourhood play but his Father had forbid him from most social interactions. "Ribs okay?"

He watched in amazement as Dean threw the ball with accuracy until he passed the ball to Castiel. "It's easy." Dean stood behind him putting him in the correct place. "All you need to do is, aim and shoot." Castiel supressed a shiver as Dean spoke quietly his body so close to his the heat burning his back. He lifted his arms slightly, the simple movement making his back brush against Dean's front. He threw the ball aware of the slight hitch in Dean's breath. There was a bounce and the sound of the ball falling through the net. "Not bad Cas." Dean moved away leaving Castiel feeling the cold absence.

**A/N: Got a real strange review regarding my first couple chapters due to lack of commas in the paragraph...? So I apologise in advance for any grammar/spelling mistake that I may have missed. I tend to find them after I've posted a new chapter while reading it, but I really can't be done with deleting, changing and re-posting. So again sorry if they bother you, but you'll have to grit your teeth and bare with it. **

**Other than that! Enjoy :) **


	7. Chapter 7: Faith

The first week of Castiel and Dean detention slowly closed to an end, giving them a weekend to catch-up on school work and sleep, although Castiel figured Dean was not that much interested in school work and just did enough work to pass. He had told Castiel about his dream of opening his own garage where he would renovate old school cars and sell them off, the Family Business which meant for Dean travelling like his Dad still did, they walked together Castiel listening with amazed interest about Dean's hopes and dreams. "Fixing up a car right now, '67 Chevrolet Impala. Dad managed to rescue her from the scrap heap." Castiel heard the passion in Dean's voice as he spoke about the car as if it was a real person leaving him in confusion. "I do not even know what that is." Dean faked outrage while wrapping his arm around Cas' shoulder, a warm sensation running across his shoulders and down his back and landing directly in his stomach. Dean leaned in. "Well I'll have to educate you sometime, come round if you're free on the weekend." Castiel's heart literally skipped a beat as Dean whispered the words into his ear. They stopped at a crossroads as always Dean went up one road and Castiel down the other, he had not realised how close they lived until the first day they walked home together after detention. "Look for the place with the Garage extension can't miss it."

He walked the rest of the way to his house in a slight daze the warmth in his stomach had yet to shift, he found it curious how whenever Dean touched him whether by choice or accident his body reacted with confusing signals, as soon as he pushed the door the open Gabriel greeted him. "Hey, Little Brother." He found Gabriel sitting in the Kitchen his paperwork littering the floor and table. "How was detention?" Castiel helped himself to the dinner Gabriel had left for him the oven and moving aside some of the paperwork into a neat pile, he chewed the food thoughtfully silently complimenting Gabriel for his cooking. "It was amusing." Gabriel smiled while scribbling something down. "I always remember detention as some form of torture." Castiel half-shrugged a small snort escaping his mouth. "Dean seems to find ways to make amusing. He is teaching me everything he knows about sport, I particularly like basketball." His Older Brother has the most peculiar expression on his face. "He seems like a good guy." There was slight tone change in Gabriel's voice that Castiel caught on to straight away. "Yes. He is. He is very caring and loyal." Gabriel only nodded for a reply, keeping his whole focus on the words in front of him; there was a moment silence where Castiel continued to eat his dinner and Gabriel riffled through papers. "Okay, I'm sorry but I have to ask. Cas do you like him?" he received a confused and shocked expression from Castiel. "Yeah, I've heard you've got yourself a nickname it suits you too. So do you like him?"

"Of course I like him he's a good friend." Gabriel placed his arms on the table and leaned forward. "No, I mean do you like like him?" it soon became apparent that Castiel had no understanding of what Gabriel was trying to say.

"Castiel, have you ever been with a girl?"

A small flush stained Castiel's cheeks and crawled up his neck at the bluntness of Gabriel question. "No Father forbid me from talking to the Neighbours, the only time they ever saw me was if I was on the roof. He never took it well when the Police arrived to enquire why I was sitting on the roof." Gabriel made a small whistling sound. "And you never had occasion if the opportunity arose?" Castiel shook his head while pushing his half finished plate aside. "Right. So what do you feel when you're with Dean? Describe it."

Again silence stretched between both the Brothers while Gabriel watched Castiel think about how to answer his question. "Warmth, whenever Dean touches me by choice or accident I feel this warmth, it can take over my entire body in seconds like a fire." His forehead furrowed as he tried to find the words to describe the complexity of the feelings. "My heart skips whenever I see him, I sometimes I have this urge to tell him everything but stop myself for some reason. And if he talks to me only, he would whisper so only I can hear it, his voice sends shivers done my spine like static electricity."

"Have you ever felt something like this towards any of your other classmates?" Castiel shook his head. "No it is just him." He looked into Gabriel's eyes seeking an explanation again his face had the peculiar expression. "Cas, what you're feeling is attraction. You're attracted to him sometimes your body and heart can make a connection to someone even before your brain realises it. Pretty remarkable though if you think about it." _Attraction? _The word itself filled Castiel with more confusion. "But is it not a sin to lay with man the same as a woman?" a dark look crossed Gabriel's face which only could be describe as frightening. "Castiel. Dad saw you as an Abomination since the moment Mom died and he blamed you for her death. He beat you to an inch of your life as a punishment, but let me tell you something if you have any Faith left in some God who didn't even bother to help you even when you prayed until you cried. I'd say don't listen to that cryptic bullshit which makes next to no sense. This God should be accepting you for your choices because in the end you're still His creation but instead of following His rules you're making up your own and following your heart."

Gabriel pushed back his chair and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder squeezing it in comfort. "You have my acceptance just remember the heart is the strongest weapon you have then some Faith which has a bad habit of contradicting itself."

Castiel looked up at his Brother whose eyes filled with protective affection and warmth towards him. "You have had a lot of time to think about this?"

"I never real had much belief in God and it what was left of it disappeared the day Dad tried to exorcise demons from you the night Mom died. If there is a God He would have never let that happen."

**N/A: All I can say is... Wow that's pretty deep for Gabriel, core blimey I'm even stunned  
>Also! Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm glad you're liking the story! Much Love and Hugs! <strong>


	8. Chapter 8: Scent

"Little Brother are you listening?" Castiel jerked himself back into reality at the sound of his Brother's voice asking him a question. "What?" Gabriel rolled his eyes in amusement. "I said, have you got any plans today? I don't want you to stay in the house all day it's not healthy." Castiel who had not slept well the previous night, due to the blunt but very enlightening conversation with Gabriel about Faith and his feelings towards Dean, considered what his Brother had asked. "I am not sure yet." Gabriel made a small sound while pushing some breakfast towards his Little Brother. "Why not go visit Dean? he's only down the street. Just listen out for Metallica or AC/DC you can't miss it, he's usually blasting it out so the whole street can hear." Castiel's most common facial expression returned the blank and than confused which Gabriel quickly amended his sentence. "Music, old school rock 'n' roll. Remember that time we watched the Wizard of Oz before you burst into tears because the Munchkins and the Green faced Witch scared you. It's the same concept instead of follow the yellow brick road, follow the music." He chuckled at the memory of a very young Castiel's reaction to the old time Musical before slapping his Little Brother on the back and left for work.

Castiel shuddered at the memory of The Wizard of Oz and like Gabriel had said and followed the music, Dean's house like many of the others on the street were two stories with an attic. He found Dean in the Garage in the most beautiful example of man and machine, his mouth dried as Dean's muscles under his thin t-shirt shifted whenever he moved. Castiel tried to pull his eyes away but the heat returned flashing through his body as Dean grunted with effort under the hood. He straightened examining a piece he had taken off the engine and glanced over his shoulder. "Cas, geez don't do that. How long have you been standing there?"

His mouth opened with no reply and closed again as he mentally shook himself trying to make a heat disappear. "Never mind," Dean walked towards Cas pulling him close making him even more aware of his scent a mixture of sweat and oil, "this is my baby she needs a little work but she gonna purr when I finish fixing her up." Castiel looked at the skeleton of the black four-door car and around the Garage where car pieces hung on the wall or scattered around the floor. "She is… nice." The word came out unsure as Dean leaned his head on Castiel's shoulder and sighed. "Dude, really? Nice? Is that all you can come up with? Time for some education."

One of the things Castiel had least expected to ever do was getting his hands dirty as Dean tried to teach him the basics of the Impala car engine, he handed Castiel a tool. "Now, you need to be gentle don't tightened it to much, she'll need to breathe." Castiel swallowed nervously at the closeness of Dean as he took Cas' hand and showed him the movement while murmuring praise. "See not that difficult it is," he turned his head Castiel felt a tightness in his chest before he realised he had forgotten to breath. He took in a single deep breath filled with Dean's scent; his bright blue eyes flaring with heat collided with Dean's now dark green eyes, Dean lifted a hand his fingers brushing Castiel's jaw their lips inches apart. "Dean, are you in here?" both Castiel and Dean jumped in sync banging their head on the hood of the car. "Ow, Goddamit! Sammy? What are you doing here?"

Castiel gripped the car for support as he heard the conversation in the distance. "Sammy, you're suppose to be at Bobby's till 5." Castiel peeked around the side of the car; the boy Dean was talking to was similar to him as he was also scrawny but judging how Dean was, his Brother would most like sprout in his later teens. He watched as the Brothers interacted which reminded him of himself and Gabriel. "Bobby got a call-out and didn't want to leave me alone in the house." Dean groaned in annoyance. "Well you could've gone to a friend's house or something?"

"Why? Who's here?"

"Just my friend from school, now would you get lost?" Castiel came out from the shelter of the car hood. Sam stared at him with the same green eyes Dean had. "Sam this is Cas, Cas my Little Brother Sam." Sam held out his hand that Cas shook awkwardly. "Didn't Dad say 'no visitors'?" Dean snorted while closing the hood of the car with a snap. "Dad says a lot but since he's not here, it won't hurt him." A mischievous smile formed on Sam's face. "True, but I could accidently let slip that you ditched me at Bobby's to hang out with your friend rather than look after me." Cas repressed laughter at the shock on Dean's face. "Are you blackmailing me?" Sam's smiled deeply and laughed evilly. "Yes I am unless you let me watch the movie for one of my school essays. Oh yeah and I need 20 bucks for my complete silence."

"Fine, what's the movie?" Dean took out his wallet and pulled on a twenty-dollar note handing it to his Brother who folded it up with a smile. "The Wizard of Oz."

**A/N: I'll be posting another Chapter later on around the same time I usually post, which in England is around 2-3am (I'm a nocturnal writer.)  
>Also brought in Chibi!Sam and thank you for the reviews :D <strong>


	9. Chapter 9: Little Brothers

"Hey Cas! Wait up!" Castiel heard a voice as he walked his usual route to school, Monday morning. It seemed like it took months for the day to even turn. He had spent the whole weekend at the Winchester house which whenever he thought about it made a spring of happiness warm his heart. He stopped allowing Dean to catch up. "You seem a bit out of it, the Green Bitch still freaking you out?" while watching the Wizard of Oz with the Brothers, Dean had discovered and found extremely amusing how uncomfortable the Munchkins and Wicked Witch had made Castiel. "No, but I would prefer that I never have to watch that movie. Ever. Again." He punctuated each word with a scowl as Dean just laughed. They walked in silence as Castiel replayed the events of the weekend, he had had fun that was for sure but what had happened between him and Dean in the Garage still weighed on his mind. He had wanted to question Dean about it but had no idea what to say. "Something's bothering you, what is it?"

"Nothing, I am just pondering what we may have to do in Detention today." Dean snorted as his phone buzzed. "Yeah about that Cas, I need you to cover for me."

"Cover for you?" Dean pulled Castiel aside away from the other students and teachers who might possibly be listening into their conversation. "Yeah, promised Lisa I would meet her over school." A dark emotion replaced his happiness at the sound of the name. "Lisa? I did not realise you were dating." The words came out stonily which thankfully Dean did not picked up on. "Couple weeks now, so will you cover for me?" Castiel bit his lip completely uncomfortable with the idea of lying. "I-I would not know what to say." With a smile Dean pulled Castiel closer. "Easy just say 'Dean's had to leave because of a Family Emergency.'" There was a pulse beat wait as Castiel tried to make a decision. "What if they do not believe me?" his voice became quiet. "Well I won't be there so it won't matter and I'll just tell them the same thing if they asked me. C'mon man I would do it for you." Dean squeezed his shoulder in anticipation, Castiel's heart pumped wildly and painfully in his chest. "Okay." At the word Dean smiled which instead of making him feel good about his decision of helping a friend, it felt like a rock had fallen into the pit of his stomach. "I owe you man!"

The feeling of dread about the upcoming lie stayed with Castiel the entire day and he soon became aware of Dean's relationship with Lisa. He walked around school with Lisa at his side and barely acknowledged if their paths crossed. "I don't know what he sees in her." Chuck had noticed Castiel watching the couple from a distance. "She's not exactly the nicest person around." Castiel pushed his lunch aside as he saw Dean press a kiss on Lisa cheek. "Does it bother you?" he felt the similar strong urge to confide, he could trust Chuck. "It does, but it is something else which bothers me more. Have you ever had to cover for a friend?" Chuck tore a part his sandwich while nodding at the same time. "Yeah once or twice. Why?"

"I have agreed to 'cover Dean' so he can meet her after school." He saw understanding on Chuck's face immediately. "And you're not comfortable with lying?" a sense of relief filled him as he silently thanked the Heavens that Chuck understood. "I am worrying that the teacher will not believe me." Chuck patted Castiel's arm. "They'll believe anything with the words 'Family Emergency.' Trust me they won't even think twice."

The rest of the day had dragged until finally he walked towards the Gym only to find out that someone had already reported Dean's 'Family Emergency.'

"Don't look so relieved Novak but since I'm feeling generous you can have this one off. I'll see you tomorrow both you and Winchester will have to make up the time. Pass the message on when you see him next."

As Castiel walked home he had come to the conclusion that Chuck may have been responsible for telling the teacher about Dean's 'Family Emergency.' He walked up the road to Dean's house without even thinking and was greeted by Sam who was sitting on the front yard writing in his notebook. "Dean's not in at the moment." Castiel regarded the boy whose green eyes were filled with annoyance. "I see, I will come back later when he returns." He made to leave only to have Sam grabbed him by his sleeve. "Could you keep me company? I don't like being alone in the house." He sat down next to the Younger Winchester who closed his notebook. "Do you know where he has gone?" he saw a look of distaste take its place on Sam's face. "He's with Lisa, I don't like her." Castiel stared in surprise at Sam's outburst. "Why?" Sam tapped his fingers on his knees. "Promise you won't tell?" he nodded. "Well I asked if they wanted to watch a movie with me so I wouldn't get lonely, and she got fussy about it being a waste of time." By his tone that had annoyed Sam a great deal. "Did Dean not say anything?" An air of sadness took it places in Sam's eyes replacing the annoyance. "No and he always would but with her he's different. It's like when he's with her he doesn't care about other people's feelings and would do anything to please her."

Castiel found himself relating to Sam on the basis of them both being the Little Brothers of a Family. "I mean he would always defend me no matter what if someone was bullying me but with her it's truly like he doesn't care." The statement itself angered Castiel, from the way Dean interacted with his Little Brother on Saturday he saw the same actions that Gabriel showed whenever he had protected him. "Because Dean always said that Family comes first no matter what." Another flare added to the anger boiling in his body as Sam carried on. "He's kinda gone back on his word."  
>A small hiccup escaped Sam as Castiel patted his back awkwardly in the effort of trying to comfort him. "Dean told me you're the Younger Brother too right? So I can kinda guess you get what I'm saying right?"<br>Castiel closed his eyes briefly remembering the feeling of betrayal both Michael and Raphael had done to him but the love he felt for Gabriel when he had protected him from their Father's rage. "Yes, the bond between Brothers is strong."  
>"Would your Brother ever abandon you?" he stared at the Younger Winchester it was one of the questions he had least expected to be asked, he looked at his shoes trying to find the best way to answer the question.<br>"Gabriel would never abandon me although the same cannot be said for my other Brothers. Gabriel made a promise to protect me no matter what and he is not the kind of person to break them."

Castiel stayed with Sam as time passed it became increasingly clear that Dean was not going to come back for night which soon distressed Sam, from the lack of communication between the Winchester Brothers. "I don't think he's coming back." He saw a very familiar twitch of the lips which struck a cord in Castiel's memories. Sam was trying to hold back his tears and keep strong. "Do you have anywhere you can go or would you like to stay at my house for the night? I'm sure Gabriel will not mind the extra company."

"Thank you but I'll give my Uncle Bobby a ring and stay with him for the night." He left his place on the yard returning with his eyes ringed red which only aggravated Castiel's annoyance and anger towards Dean Winchester actions. "He's on his way and is not happy, he's probably gonna rip Dean a new one for ditching me. Thanks for staying with me Cas I wish I had a Brother like yours at least you can depend on him."

**A/N: Angry Cas. Oh Dear. That's not going to end well with Dean (Remember what happened last time when Dean pissed of the Nerd Angel?), but I don't think he's going to beat him up though... Well not physically anyway.  
>Reviews are awesome :) And I've only missed my 3am deadline by 31 minutes, haha! <strong>


	10. Chapter 10: Priority

Dean's ignorance towards his Brother still angered Cas to the very next day, he had avoided Dean at all cost as whenever he saw him a flare of anger took over his body. He actually wanted to hit Dean to try and make him understand how his Little Brother had felt. Hurt, abandoned, alone he could mentally go on and continue to list them. Which he did and only made him angrier, by the end of the day he went straight to Detention and started early cleaning out the equipment cupboard he pulled everything of the shelves. "Hey Cas! Thanks again for covering for me. I owe you one." He did not look at Dean only picking up a box and slamming it against the wall. "You are welcome."

"Whoa dude are you okay?" Castiel let out a harsh laugh while picking up another box before slamming it down again. "Am I okay you ask? To answer your question simply, no I am not okay." He turned throwing a bag of balls against the wall. "Did something happen?" what angered Castiel more was Dean's inability to figure out why he was furious. "Yes something happened," Castiel clenched his hands into fists and took in a single shuddering breath. "Did you often leave your Brother to fend for himself?" a look of realisation finally took its place on his face. "Let me tell you something Dean Winchester and you better listen. I know the feeling of being abandoned and I thought you to be a caring Brother." Dean ran his fingers through his hair. "He could have called me he knows the number."

Castiel closed his eyes for a second before opening them quickly. "Did it ever occur to you that you should have contacted him? You are the Older Brother and have the responsibility of caring for your Brother. Physically and emotionally, his well being should be your first priority." He made a sound of disgust while picking up a crate and slammed it with some much force it cracked. "Cas I'm grateful you kept him company but Sammy is use to it."

He snorted at the words. "No Brother ever gets used to being left alone, especially when he has no one else to turn to."

"He's got Bobby so what's the problem?" Castiel spun around quickly as stepped forward towards Dean. "And what if Bobby was not available? What if something happened to Sam and he needed only you desperately but you were not there?" Dean seemed to get a little uncomfortable at Castiel's closeness and the anger radiating off him. "Do you not get it? Sam needs you not Bobby!" Castiel never raised his voice something that surprised Dean. "Sam needs his Brother to spend time with and to care for him! He's only 13 years old! You better get your priorities sorted out, or you will lose what trust Sam has left for you!"

Dean said nothing; he was literally stunned as he looked at the shaking Castiel, anger pouring from every place in his scrawny body, his blue eyes on fire. The silence stretched as Castiel turned around once again picking up boxes and crates trying to vent the anger in his body. "I don't think I've ever seen you angry, it pretty scary but I promise it won't happen again. I'll apologise to Sammy when I see him next." Castiel acknowledged what Dean had said while being gentler with the boxes. "Might see if Lisa wants to try and get to know him a little." What control Castiel had left him as he turned around and punched Dean in the face, just hearing the source of the problem getting involved with Dean's relationship with his Brother was to much. He cradled his hand against his chest and Dean rubbed his jaw. "What the hell Cas?"

It took him a moment to calm down but it amazed him as much better he felt. "Do you not realise that Lisa is not the solution, your Brother needs just you." He held his hand closer to his chest while wincing in an attempt to move his fingers. "She really is a nice person once you get to know her." Castiel sent a sharp dangerous glance at him. "Okay, okay. Sorry. How's the hand?"

Castiel managed a half humour laugh as he glanced down at his hand. "I think it might be broken."

**A/N: Not long as usual but I'll try and get another Chapter up later on today around the usual time :)  
>Enjoy!<br>**


	11. Chapter 11: Grief

**A/N: (Had to re-post cos found some really stupid spelling mistakes after I posted the chapter. Sorry!)**

"Peas, carrots or mixed?" after Detention Cas had gone to Dean's house as he helped sort his out hand which in a very short period of time had swollen and developed a pretty angry redness. "Who freezes carrots?" he asked as Dean struggled and Cas pointed at the peas. He placed the frozen peas on his top of his hand and sighed with relief. "Cas… what did you mean by knowing the feeling of being abandoned?" the sound of the frozen peas cracking under the pressure told Dean how sensitive the subject was. Castiel sat down resting his hand on the counter. "I should not have said that." He only murmured before going quiet again. "You'd be surprised how much can come out when you're pissed. So what did you mean?" Castiel regarded Dean with a steady narrowed eyed look, as if he was trying to decide whether Dean was trustworthy enough for his secrets. "Gabriel is not my only Brother, I have two others. Michael and Raphael." Castiel bit his lip anxiously. "My Family life was not normal, after my Mother passed Father did not cope very well. He still suffers her loss to this day. Michael and Raphael were not as supportive as they should have been."

"So in others words you needed their support and they didn't bother to help?" Castiel's eyebrows lifted in surprise of Dean understanding the situation. "Which kinda explains why you were so angry about when I left Sam on his own. Man I'm sorry." Castiel swallowed a surge on emotion and distracted himself by checking his hand. "Do you think it is broken?" Dean took his hand gently in his, the warmth of his skin making his cold and numb skin buzz. "No the swellings gone down, probably gonna hurt like a bitch for a couple weeks."

Castiel noted how Dean's fingers lingered on his cold skin before he placed the frozen vegetable bag on top of his hand. "Dean, might I ask a question?"

"Shoot."

"What is it that you like about Lisa?" a single muscle ticked in Dean's jaw that he rubbed self-consciously. "I dunno never really thought about it to be honest. She's pretty messed up but it's a no strings attached thing. I have this pretty bad habit of attracting the messed up and strange ones." Castiel could not help but feel just a little insulted by the statement. "It's nothing against you or anything, just that I don't want love or affectionate and she's the same." He tried his best to understand. "It's sex basically we like it and the only reason we're 'dating' is so it doesn't tarnish her school reputation or something like that." Castiel stared at Dean blankly as he tried to make sense of the information being told to him. "So you are sex friends?" Dean chuckled a little at Castiel's attempt, which shocked Castiel since he knew very little about sex but enough not to be awkward around it. "Yeah in a way." Dean took the bag off Castiel's hand and replaced it with another, while throwing the used one back in the freezer. "Her Brother died a couple years a go and whenever she sees Sammy she gets a little crazy and really spiteful if I'm spending time with someone other than her. Her Brother was around his age when he died and she hasn't really coped, which is why I got her away from Sammy like I did. I don't want him to see her having a freak out. I was trying to protect him but in the wrong way I guess. That's what happened last night. She wanted to get serious I said no and she did a runner, it took half the night to find her."

Castiel suddenly felt a twinge of guilt at having been so angry with Dean and not knowing the full story. "But what you were saying about Sammy needing me you're right. I should've called her family or something but I really didn't want her getting hurt on my conscience. The guilt heightened as he looked down at the floor staring at his shoes. He felt Dean lift his chin with his hand, his fingers cupping his jaw. "Cas, look at me." It took a moment but he finally stared into the mixed green and hazel eyes and saw so many different emotions slipping in and around. "Don't feel bad for hitting me, I've already figured its part of being me. But when I see Sammy I'm not going to let him down. He's more important than some girl who wants comfort I can't give her." Castiel licked his dry lips quickly a movement that Dean's eyes followed. He stared into Dean's eyes and watched as they dilated dark green, all trace of hazel vanished engulfed in the heated green. "I am afraid to say that Bobby may give you a hard time for leaving Sam." Dean groaned and leaned his forehead against Cas'. "Great but I suppose I deserve it in a way."

He heard Dean sigh as the doorbell rang pulling them apart and putting a distance between the closeness they were sharing. Dean disappeared and came back with Lisa. Her eyes flickered between them suspiciously. "What's he doing here?" his stomach tightened at her tone it was accusing he tried his best to avoid her gaze. "Cas had a little accident." He heard her snort and mutter. "Seems like he's nothing but an accident." He bit the inside of his mouth at the words; the hurt tore at his heart and the realisation that she and his Father were both similar. Spiteful and denying that the ones they loved had passed on. "Lisa what the hell are you doing?"

_Castiel! You are an accident and abomination! You should never had been created!_

Those were the many things his Father had said to him when the grief and alcohol had hit him particularly bad. The emotion built in his throat blocking his ability to breathe as his eyes burned with tears. He stood quickly depositing the now melted bag in the sink. "I should go."

Even without words Dean knew what Lisa had said had effect Cas, he grabbed him to stop him leaving. "No you were here first, Lisa what do you want?" Dean stared at the girl whose eyes were black holes of coldness. "Oh nothing in particular, thought we could have a bit of fun. But it seems you're already entertaining." Under his hand he felt Cas shaking from the repressed tears. "I told you last night I'm not interested, you know where the door is right? Use it."

The spiteful air filled the room radiating off the girl in front him. "Fine, but you'll regret this Dean. Have fun with your freak of a friend but I doubt he can give you everything you want." He felt the flinch of Lisa's word as she left with a parting smirk but no words. "Hey Cas are you all right?" the boy stood still under his hand until two tears fell to the floor. "Hey, hey don't cry. She's just a really angry person and to make herself feel better she has to be a heartless bitch."

Cas pulled away from Dean's gripped and moved away trying to put his emotions back where they belonged. Hidden and buried. "Grief can make the nicest person cruel and heartless it is not her fault." Cas lifted his head his back to Dean.

"I understand that more than anyone, it leaves a hole where the heart should be and anything can aggravate the pain."

**A/N: This Chapter sort of explaining Dean's actions and that Lisa is a nutter plain and simple...  
>Have fun, and I'll update as soon as I can and thank you for the reviews :) x<br>**


	12. Chapter 12: Guidance

"Now class today we are going to discuss: God and The Archangels." Castiel dropped his pen at the words, which had finally broken through his deep thought of nothing. "What are Archangels?" since word had spread about the origins of Castiel's name he felt the burn of 20 eyes on him as if they were expecting him to answer the question. He found his teacher's eyes on him as well as, a deep burn on running on his neck. "That's a good question, Castiel would you care to explain?"

A twinge of irritation replaced the awkward embarrassment he had become used to being singled out, he stared at his teacher before glancing around the class. "Yeah c'mon Angel boy do educate us!" a snicker of laughter ran through the room as Castiel grimaced. "Archangels are the only Angels to have ever seen God, there are four." Castiel lifted his hand lifted 1 finger for each name. "Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel and Raphael although the Brothers bond was strong, Lucifer would argue about his distaste for God's creation and he was soon cast out of Heaven and fell to Hell creating his own Army against Heaven and God. He was dubbed 'The Devil' by man."

Silence stretched in the class as he finished, he glanced sideways at Chuck who stared at him in awe. "And what would happen if Lucifer's Army broke free of hell." Castiel silently cursed as he felt the weight of the eyes on him again. "It is said if Lucifer was to escape his cage, the Apocalypse would bring all Hell to Earth as well as release the Four Horse Men of the Apocalypse." He saw blank stares. "War, Famine, Pestilence and Death."

"Cas how do you know all that stuff about the Angels and God?" Chuck and Castiel sat in a study room he knew at some point the question would be asked, Cas turned a couple pages looking for notes before deciding whether to answer truthfully. "My Family is very Religious." By his tone Chuck knew not to ask anymore since he had a feeling Castiel was not in the talkative mood and being called out once again in Religious Education had not helped. "I'm just wondering Cas, but is everything okay?"

The snap of his book again told Chuck he did not want to speak about it, breaking down emotionally in front of Dean he found himself avoiding him. "Okay sorry. Anyway Dean was looking for you." He froze half expecting Den to be around the corner. "Did he say why?" Chuck shook his head focusing fully on his textbook. "Nope just said he wanted to speak to you." The feeling of paranoia took Castiel as he reopened his book. "Chuck if you see him, tell him you have not seen me."

"I would but he's just walked through the door." The panic Castiel felt was comical as he shoved his books under Chuck's bag and hid under the table, hoping Dean had not seen him. He watched as Dean's feet walk towards their table. "Hey Chuck. Have you seen Cas?" he heard his friend stuttering in confusion. "N-n-no?" Castiel held back a groan he could almost guess Dean would be looking at in a strange manner. "No? Are you sure? I'd thought you and Cas were fused at the hip or something." A small hysterical laugh escaped his friend's mouth, resulting in Cas elbowing his shin that he flinched against. "I'll tell him you've been looking for him."

"Sure… Chuck are you feeling alright? You seem a little jumpy today." Silence followed which made Castiel feeling uncomfortable until he elbowed Chuck again. No-Yeah! I'm fine! I'll pass on the message!"

As soon as Dean left Chuck was peeking under the desk. "Okay, I'm sorry but really Cas? I thought you and Dean were friends. Why are you avoiding him?" Cas pulled himself back into his vacant chair rubbing his forehead; again he had stumped himself in finding an answer. "Dean saw many sides to me yesterday, and I cannot face him just yet."

"Right you do realise that you have detention with him? So you'll have to see him anyway you can't avoid him forever."

"_You can't avoid him forever."_

Deep down he knew he could try but as per usual Chuck spoke very wise words. Words, which made him, think about his actions and in a positive way never negative, with his hands deep in his pocket although avoiding Dean was in his many worries and the day proceeding so did the gossip about what he had said in the Religious Education lesson. "Hey Angel boy! When's the Apcolypse gonna start?" it was amazing how something could spread so quickly, like a infection but now instead of eyes following him it was sniggers and taunts. "I heard his Brother is called Gabriel, I bet his parents were real nut jobs." The whispers were harsh and hurtful, sure Chuck had helped stand up for him but the will of a few could not over power hundreds. "Apparently his Mom and Dad are like some Fanatic Bible Basher."

At the mention of his Mother being brought into the cruel whispers, Castiel stood stuffing his books into his bag and left the classroom. He had fully intended to just ditch the rest of the day but instead he climbed to the roof of the Gym. He lay on the floor staring at the clouds. "Please, I need some guidance, give me a sign what should I do? Please!" Even after Gabriel had told his opinion on Faith, Castiel could not help but hope God was listening if not God than his Mother. He could vaguely recall how his Mother had always had the answer to most things, she always knew what words to say to soothe and never used violence. "Mother please, I just a sign to point me in the right direction." Again he waited in the hopes she had heard him. "You speak to your mom to huh?" he sat up straight to see Dean near the edge of the roof. Whether this was his Mother's doing or chance he could not help but sigh mentally. "I heard you did a runner because of what someone said about your Mom." Dean sat down next to Cas his green eyes searching. "You're a difficult one to find but I had a feeling you'd be here." Castiel shifted as Dean continued to stare. "How'd your Mom die?" never had anyone asked him, some knew she had passed but the source remained silent, Castiel bit his lip his eyes flickering to Dean than the floor. "Cancer. She did not catch it earlier enough and was too far-gone. She passed when I was six." Even though many years had gone by the wound was still raw and open. "Why do you ask?" he stared into Dean's eyes and saw understanding, he smiled sadly while laying on the roof staring like Castiel at the sky. "My mom died when I was four. It was kind of unexpected and Sammy only knows her from photos and Dad when he's around, doesn't talk about her. He just disappears for long periods at a time for the Car Business. I reckon it's to painful to be in the same house she died in."

It truly stunned Castiel how much they had in common to the points of Fathers not ever recovering for the loss of the one true loves. "Bobby practically raised us but now I have a question for you Cas. Why have you been avoiding me?"

When he did not answer Dean pulled Castiel down so they were lying side by side. "I've never been this open about much Cas, but c'mon I deserve to know why you don't want to see or talk to me." Once again Cas found his face inches apart completely entranced by the beauty of the hazel/green eyes their eye contact never once broke. "You saw me at very weak point yesterday I was not sure how you would react." Dean turned his head straight while rolling his eyes. "Cas never worry about that kind of thing, it's healthy to show a bit of a emotion. There was a time where I got so mad at my Dad for missing so many of Sammy's Birthdays, I took it out on the Impala scared the crap out of Sammy. But everyone needs to vent."

Castiel could not help but feel for the poor car that Dean loved, and how he had used her as a venting technique. "And you've done it as well when you punched me in the face and related to Lisa about the death. You have a lot more in common with the people around here than you think."

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I really wasn't expecting the positive response that I've been getting!  
>A special thanks to:<br>FrogGuts  
>Haven'..Yet<br>Icedragon92  
>DionysusDaughter98<br>VisonX23  
>XCastielXNovakX<strong>

**Thank you for sticking by me! Hugs & love to everyone!  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 13 Loss

**A/N: Quick warning: There is a character POV change from Cas to Dean (Just so no one gets confused.)**

There were many ways to describe how Castiel felt, as he lay wide awake curled in a tight ball under his duvet, hugging one of his pillows for comfort. Throughout the night replayed his conversation with Dean and mourned the loss of his Mother. He rarely if never spoke to others about his Mother, she was sacred to him and her memories were for him only and no one else. But nonetheless he shared those intimate thoughts with Dean. He had questioned to why he trusted someone so much that he never knew what exactly he would tell him next. Castiel sighed hugging the pillow tighter he registered his alarm clock but something inside him wanted to stay hidden in the warm isolation of his duvet. It was not until after several attempts of shouting up to him that Gabriel finally walked into his room. "Cas, if you don't get up you're going to be late." When he did not reply, Gabriel sat on the bed pulling the duvet back. "What's wrong?" Castiel did his best to hide his face in the comfort pillow his eyes burning with tears. "I just want to be alone today." A muffled sob escaped. "Has something happened at school?" Castiel shook his head, his face buried deeper into the pillow. "I just want to be alone." Gabriel sat in a stunned silence before realising what had happened to result in his Brother's need to isolation. "This has something to do with Mom, doesn't it?" he gently stroked Castiel's hair a gesture he had learnt soothed Castiel but for once it did not seem to work. "I figured something happened yesterday but… if you need time I'll call the school and tell them you're not feeling well." Castiel did not answer but it was all Gabriel needed while his watched his Little Brother pull the duvet back over his head.

There were times he knew he had to get up yet the effort alone was to much for him, he stayed more or less in the same foetal position sometimes changing sides and occasionally dropping into a light sleep. He heard the door open as Gabriel returned back from work and called up to him, when like in the morning did not answer he came to his room and sighed. "You know I haven't seen you like this since Mom died," again he sat on the bed pulling back the duvet, while Castiel pretended to sleep. "I would really appreciate if you told me what happened."

Slowly he opened his eyes and turned his head looking into Gabriel's hazel eyes. "I cannot remember Mother." His Older Brother's eyes widened as Castiel's bright blue eyes filled with tears, "I told Dean about Mother but I have just realised I remember nothing of her. I cannot remember her scent, the sound of her laugh or the feeling when she hugged me." His grip tightened on the pillow that now felt cold against his body. "There were times I had wanted to visit her grave to be close to her but Father refused to allow it, he said he did not want demons near her."

As per usual Gabriel's eyes darkened dangerously at the mention of their Father, pure white rage flared at how he had treated his Little Brother. "But… Father always did underestimate my climbing ability." Without realising Castiel lightened the mood as he mused at the thought. "I would sneak away and sit by her grave in the hopes she would comfort me." A small sad smile formed on his lips as he turned his back to Gabriel. "Could you leave me alone for a bit?"

Dean pushed back the slight nerves as he walked towards Castiel's house, after not seeing him at school all day he had hoped to see how he was at Detention until he was told Cas had called in sick. He had known Cas for a pretty period of time but even though he scrawny and… delicate? Cas did not seem like the kind of person to ever be sick or ill. With music blaring in one earpiece he completed the distance and knocked on the door.

It seemed like time slowed as the door finally opened and Gabriel stood in the doorway. "Dean? What are you doing here?" sometimes he could hardly believe Cas and Gabriel were even related since their personalities were so different as well as their appearance. "Just wanted to see how Cas was." He saw the hazel eyes flickered upwards to the upper level. "He's having an off day, I'm not sure how he'll feel with visitors." Dean suddenly remembered something as he pulled out some paperwork from his bag. "Would it be okay if I go speak to him quickly?" Gabriel's voice flashed an emotion he could not name before nodding slowly. "Maybe speaking to a friend will help him out. Upstairs on the left I think he's still awake."

He heard a knock on the door and groaned a little. "Gabriel, please go away I really do not want to talk about it." He heard a chuckle. "Not your bro just a friend." Castiel's eyes snapped open and he sat up for the first time in hours. He watched as Dean looked around his room in interest before grinning at the chaotic mess, which Gabriel had already dubbed as 'Organised Chaos." Because no matter what Castiel was looking for he always knew where it would be in the mess. "Nice place I always thought you were more of a neat freak." His lips perked a little as Dean sat on the corner of his bed. "Got a surprise for you." He dumped several booklets on his lap grinning. "Chuck hoarded all your homework and something else." He took out what look like an assignment booklet for all his Science lessons. "We're going to be spending a lot of time together since we've been paired up for Biology, Chemistry and Physics projects. Sorry Cas but you're stuck with me for a bit longer." He picked up one of the booklets with interest only to find Dean's eyes transfixed on his arms.

One thing everyone noticed about Castiel was that he never wore short sleeved t-shirts and even in the hottest days of summer, he would wear either long sleeved shirts or jackets anything to shield his arms from the prying eyes of people. His glanced briefly seeing faded lines and crosses of self-abuse, which were memories of his time after Gabriel had left, self conscious of the green eyes on his arms Cas grabbed a hoodie pulling it on as a shield. "Pretty intense." Was all Dean said his voice quiet as he reached out and pulled one of Castiel's arms towards him and pushed back the sleeve. Castiel flinched as Dean traced the reminders his fingers running over the raised skin. "These are old." He examined both arms before he was satisfied. "A time of difficulty for me as well as a reminder of the past." Confusion lit Dean's eyes at Castiel's vague comment as he turned his full attention to the booklets diverting any possibility of continuing the conversation. "When are the projects due in?" he flickered through each quickly skimming the assignment criteria. "Months but presentations need to be done to show different forms of research or something. Honestly I wasn't really listening and oh yeah our Detention has been extended another week because we ditched lessons after you walked out. Seems we're definitely stuck with each other longer than we thought."

**A/N: Took me ages to write this one! Had the ideas but had no idea how to write them down, but got there eventually.  
>I really have to strongly considering becoming a daytime writer rather than nocturnal I started around 2am and didn't finish it until 4am... Thank God I don't have College or Work.<strong>

**Moving right on heh, thank you for the reviews again and enjoy.  
>I am determined to make this Fanfic be my first ever completed one but got a feeling it's gonna be a while until I get there. Haha! <strong>


	14. Chapter 14: Reactions

"Cas I don't get it." Dean threw aside a textbook in frustration and groaned, since discovering they would be working together Dean and Castiel had been spending an extended amount of time together, Castiel would never tell Dean that he secretly liked the time they had together, and missed him if they were apart. He had become very aware of his attraction towards Dean. His heart still jumped in excitement at the prospect of seeing him even if it was for a limited time. At school Dean and Castiel travelled in very different social circles all of which Dean was easily able to integrate into. "What do you mean?" Castiel picked up the discarded textbook placing it on the pile that he had already dubbed the 'Reject Pile.'

"What do you not get?" Dean sighed while lying back on his bed, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Castiel watched as Dean closed his eyes briefly his face peaceful. He had always wondered what a peaceful face looked like and seeing it it was nice. No trace of the strains and stress of life. "I don't get science." He murmured softly. "If it any consolation I am not very good at science either." Dean's lips perked as his eyes opened. "Really? And here I thought you were a nerd." Castiel rolled his eyes while picking up another book and passing it to Dean in the hopes he might find something relevant. "A nerd? No, I do not believe so." A snort was the only answer he got from Dean as he flicked through it a bored expression on his face. "Y'know you're probably right about the nerd thing." He turned his head to find Dean staring at him his eyes hot and dark. "After seeing your room and the 'organised chaos' just doesn't really shout nerd." He of course tried his best to understand the conversation sometimes he found himself fighting his confusion when Dean spoke about irrelevant subjects. He felt Dean cup his chin with his fingers, lifting and turning his face to him. "Your like one of those Angels… umm y'know the fallen ones?" even with his throat dry Castiel cleared his throat trying his best to ignore the heat. "The ones who've ripped out their Grace and fell to Earth." Dean finally concluded his eyes still carrying the heat as Castiel's reflected his stunned reaction to Dean remembering a conversation they had had out of boredom. "H-how do you mean?" Castiel's voice cracked under the pressure. "Because it's like you're trying to learn how to be human."

Did he feel what Castiel did whenever Dean was close to him? Was that fire in his green eyes the answer to his mental questions? "Don't look so surprised Cas." Dean leaned in their lips inches apart; Castiel could almost taste Dean's breath and resisted the urge to wet his dry lips not knowing what could happen. Dean's hand moved from his face tracing a heated path to his neck and fingers teasing the dark hair at his neck. "I'm pretty good at reading people, and I have a feeling I know exactly what's going on in that head of yours."

A serious of events leading to one big final showdown that brought two people together. One small movement brought their lips together; the shock of their flesh finally touching ignited the fire in his body. The kiss was sweet and easily described as polite but one simple turn made it deeper and passionate. There were so many different thoughts going through his head as he mimic the movements and slowly allowed his lips to part and felt the liquid heat of Dean's tongue slip into his mouth.

As Dean pulled away a small-satisfied smile forming on the lips that had just kissed Castiel, without knowing it would be his first. A small pink flush had spread across Castiel's cheekbones warming his bones and skin to the feeling of melting. Castiel lifted a shaking hand and touched his lips, still wet from the contact, hot from the reaction and swelling from the pressure. Dean leaned forward placing their foreheads together keeping the contact, as Castiel was still stunned from the events. "Maybe we should do our Biology project about the Human Body's Reactions to different scenarios."

"Would that be wise?" he whispered feeling Dean's hand move to his neck, and stroking the soft skin. "You've had first hand experience with one already. So why not." He felt Dean's fingers stroke his hair; a simple gestured that had always successfully soothe and calmed him. "It'll be easy," Dean replied back as he placed his lips again on Castiel's. "Describe and explain what happens and how the body copes with different… situations." He breathed while pressing small kisses on Cas' jawline until he was at his ear. "Like when you're scared your heart beats faster and breathing gets deeper and harder." He pressed a kiss against his racing pulse. "The same could be said for when you're nervous or aroused."

Dean did nothing but kiss Castiel, pressing kisses on his neck murmuring suggestions. "And we can look into animal attraction and instincts." His fingers still stroked Castiel's hair until he pulled away taking him the sight, Dean gently took one of Castiel's arms and pulled back the sleeve revealing the scars, small shots of panic ran through him. "No please don't." He stared into Dean's eyes the intensity overwhelmed him. "Don't worry, everything's going to be alright." His pressed his lips against the worst of the scarring. "They are part of you, and I want to know everything." Castiel tried not to flinch as Dean's lips moved up his arm whispering at each kiss. "Every scar and every memory."

He had no idea how long Dean explored his arms before moving back to his neck and face, but his body yearned whenever the lips left his skin. A small knock broke through the heated thoughts his brain was trying to translate. Dean continued kissing his skin only stopping for a moment to reply. "Yeah?" he nuzzled the skin affectionately as Sam's voice came through the door. "Dean. Dad's home."

**A/N: ... ... ... I really don't know what to say, I am actually repressing fangirl giggling!  
>;) ... O.O<strong>


	15. Chapter 15: Fathers

_Pontiac, Illinois_

_The third oldest Novak sibling slowly made his way towards his Father's study, since the escape of his younger sibling he had been given the task of tracking down Castiel and bringing him back to his Father. A task that had been tedious he had underestimated how well Castiel could cover his tracks, he knocked to announce himself before entering the dark study. A single source of light coming from dying ambers in the fireplace, he saw the outline of his Father sitting at his desk. "Have you found him yet Raphael?" a sliver of intimidation warned his entire being. "Not yet Father. Castiel has covered his tracks well." His Father made a cruel sound causing his blood to run cold. "You are a fool Raphael. Find Gabriel and you will undoubtedly find that disgusting Abomination. Do not fail me Raphael, I want him back here." _

Lawrence, Kansas

"Sammy what did you say?" Dean slid off the bed and opened the door as Sam walked in unaware of what he had interrupted. "Dad's home he's in the Garage."

Castiel to give the Brothers a chance of reunion with their Father started to pack away the books and notes his hands still shaking from Dean's attention. "Cas what are you doing?" he dropped one of the books as Dean placed his hand on his shoulder. "Your Father is home, I wanted to give you some space." A worried look crossed Sammy's young features the worry filling his eyes, as Dean looked bemused. "Believe me Cas, he won't be around long enough. There's no point."

Castiel almost sensed resentment radiating from Dean as he followed him down to the Garage; it felt like Dean was trying to prove a point about his Father. He pushed open the door to find a bearded older man examining the Impala with the similar interest that Dean displayed whenever he was working on the car. When the older man heard their entrance, Castiel watched as Father and Son stared at each in a stony silence. "Dad." The word came out curtly. "Son, you're looking well." The exchange caused more silence until the older man noticed Castiel half hiding behind Dean. "Who's your friend?" Dean moved aside as his Father's eyes took him the scrawny youngster with interest. "This is Cas, he's Gabriel Novak's Little Brother." Seeing as introductions were necessary Dean indicated to his Father. "Cas my Father, John Winchester. Dad, Castiel Novak." John held out a hand, which Castiel shook almost cautiously not knowing what to think or feeling about the swift introductions. "I never knew Gabriel had siblings." Dean snorted at his Father's word. "You only met his Brother once by chance after his car broke down."

Castiel knew the feeling of the calm before a storm and without hesitation he spoke needing to get away. "Dean, I must go Gabriel will be wondering where I am. It was nice meeting you Mr. Winchester." He passed the Father and Son praying silently for them to feel peace, he stopped to turning smiling slightly at Dean whose face and eyes never once responded. "I will see you at school tomorrow." He got no reply but remained aware of what words could be said between the strained Father and Son.

As usual Dean and Castiel saw very little of each other throughout the school day, Castiel was already in the Gym 'shooting hoops' as Dean called it when he arrived, he watched impressed at the progress Castiel had made. "Not bad, you're getting pretty good at that." He caught the ball and passed it back to Castiel who gripped it like it was a lifeline while Dean checked the Gym before moving behind Castiel, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. "Shame my Dad had to ruin last night though." Castiel bounced the basketball on the floor a couple times before letting it fall and roll away. "You do not seem on good terms with your Father." Dean had seemingly taken a profound interest with the skin behind his ear. "He's a deadbeat never there when we needed him, always when we didn't need him." His stomach clenched. "Surely he cares for you." Dean's arms tightened a fraction and he sighed into his neck. "Yeah he loves us but he loves Mom more."

Castiel pulled and moved away picking the ball up distracting himself from the effect of Dean's words of description about his Father. "You okay?" Castiel shrugged putting the ball back in the bag, keeping his eyes downturned. "Fine."

"Don't lie to me Cas." Dean pulled Castiel back into his embrace resting his chin on his head. "What's bothering you?"

"It is my fault for bringing it up." With a little effort Castiel freed himself once again and went about cleaning up the sports equipment leaving Dean confused by his actions. "Your Dad was the same right?" he saw Castiel's back stiffen at the words; the simple action answered his question. "In a way." A shot of irritation ran through his body at Cas' vague answers it was almost like Cas purposely switched off when he did not want to answer questions… or maybe it was because he could not. "What did he do to you?" slowly Castiel stopped what he was doing for a moment and looked over at Dean who had not once moved. And Dean saw something extraordinary in the bright blue eyes, he had seen many different Cas' and learnt a lot about him as he came clean and opened up about his past. But Cas' eyes were filled with vulnerability an emotion he had never witnessed or even noticed, his blue eyes stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights he was not sure whether he was going to bolt and burst into tears. "My Father blames me for my Mother's death and to this day he has never stopped reminding me."

Dean took a moment to digest the new and shocking information about the darkness of Cas' life. "Is that why you…"

Castiel gripped one of his forearms tightly digging his fingers into the flesh through his shirt. "Yes I could not cope after Gabriel left." Dean felt a hundred questions pop into his mind but he noticed how a single question caused Cas such distress he resisted as Castiel's fingers clenched and unclenched into his arm. He watched as Castiel repeated the motion several times what he saw he had seen Sammy do in great moments of stress, although he was grateful and thankful Sammy had never hurt himself with the stress of not having a Dad in his life for most of his life, they had both adapted. Carefully Dean took Castiel's arm pulling back the sleeve to find deep finger marks in the skin and rubbed the forearm in his hands. "Listen to me okay," the eyes were still full of the vulnerable echoes and whatever memories had made him distraught. "When you're ready, you tell me okay and we'll talk."

_From a distance the boys completely unaware of the presence, Lisa watched as Dean pressed a single kiss the Castiel's forehead. _

_She turned away pure hatred filling her body at Dean's actions towards the Freak, what did he have she did not have? _

_He was a nobody. She was a somebody. He could barely speak to people, and everyone respected and liked her. He was going to regret every moving to Lawrence, Kansas._

**A/N: I believe the theme from Psycho would describe Lisa... She's freaking me out! Yikes, it's never made me more uncomfortable to write her state of mind... It's actually creeping me out a little.**

**And I'm pleased you like the previous chapter I get the feeling you've been waiting for that moment ;) I hope it was... fulfilling :D heh Love Hugs!**


	16. Chapter 16: Fever

Dean and Castiel's final Detention week came to a close as they had been given the most horrendous task of all, one that Chuck had mentioned weeks back to be very scarring. "Coach, you're not serious?" out of all of the teachers who had been 'keeping an eye' on them through their Detention weeks, Coach Grey was the worst. "As a heart attack, now I want those locker rooms scrubbed so you can eat off them."

Castiel stared blankly at his Gym teacher not completely understanding what he was saying, and to clarify he asked generally out of curiosity. "Surely, eating off the locker room floor would be unhygienic." He heard Dean stifle his laughter at Castiel's question, his entire body vibrating as he tried to keep a straight face. "Novak, don't be a smart ass." Castiel's eyes narrowed a little as he nudged Dean in the side with his elbow. "But why would you choose that expression in particular?" he glanced to his side to see Dean's arms wrapped around his ribs as the laughter finally escaped. "I am just saying that the likelihood of myself or Dean eating anything off that floor is impossible." Coach Grey sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose, while pointing towards the locker room and leaving, Castiel waited until Dean was able to breathe. "Man it's a long time since I laughed that hard, trust you to pick up on something like that." Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders as they walked towards the locker room. "It does not seem logical for a person to eat off the locker room floor, do they not know how much foot traffic can happen in a day?" Dean shook his head, grinning as they entered the room the sight making Castiel shudder. "This is disgusting." Dean agreed while peeking inside on of the lockers and closing it sharply. The smell of sweat and mud stank as Dean went around picking up used towels and Castiel wondered around. He looked down to see a piece of white fabric on the floor; cautiously he picked it up by the tag holding it at arms length. "Dean what is this?"

"Cas that right there is a jock strap." His arms full of towels Dean grimaced like his was trying to forget a memory. "It's like a pair of underwear you wear for sports. Supports the family jewels." It took a moment before Castiel dropped it on the floor in shock and moving away from it. "It won't hurt you Cas, don't be so delicate." He felt a great need to wash his hands as he stepped away from the strap. "Although in all fairness it depends who's been wearing the thing to be honest." Castiel took another step away as he put into consideration of who the owner might be and shuddered. "Y'know it's kinda cute seeing you freaked out by a jock strap. Me personally never been a fan, burnt mine last year after I dislocated my shoulder and broke a rib." Dean used one of the towels to pick up the item dumping it in with the dirty towels for washing. "You were injured?" Castiel sat on one of the benches checking underneath and above to make sure nothing unpleasant fell on him. "I was on the football team for a bit but at the last game of the season, got caught in a bad tackle." Dean did not remember it as clearly as his ex-team mates but it had knocked him clean out for a couple hours. "Came in handy though I used the whole 'past injuries' excuse when I didn't feel like joining in with Gym."

Dean grinned at Castiel while picking up a bucket and walking towards the showers area, he followed cautiously not knowing what to expect. "Pretty grim right?" of course Castiel had thought the worst but the showers themselves did not seem as scarring as he had first thought, maybe Chuck had over exaggerated. Dean sat on the side pulling his shoes and socks off and rolling up his jeans. "We won't need to do much these are pretty much self cleaning." Castiel copied what Dean had done as he passed him a broom. "Basically it's throwing soapy water on the floor and sweeping the water away."

"I cannot help but wonder if you have done this before." Dean chuckled as he filled the bucket up with water and soap. "Yeah a couple times, but I've never had such appealing company until now." A quick flicker of heat ran through his body as he saw Dean's eyes darken. As the weeks had progressed he had become used to Dean's affection, and was even more grateful that Dean was a very discreet person and preferred his private life and those involved in it to stay private. Castiel blushed a pink flush finding its place on his cheeks and neck, he tried to distract himself from Dean's eyes as he took off his jacket and putting it next to their shoes and finding the warm feel of water wash against his feet. He swept up the water into the nearest drain waiting for Dean to throw more water on the floor yet it never happened. "Cas, you do realise this is the first time you've showed your arms off on your own terms right?" it suddenly occurred to him at how comfortable he truly was with Dean. He was momentarily speechless as he looked down at his arms and felt nothing towards them; there was no shame, no guilt or self-consciousness… "How curious." Was all he murmured and indicating for Dean to throw more water on the floor.

They worked in silence as they moved from one locker room to the next; the final room gave Castiel the shock of his life. He had heard that the school had invested in an automated shower system that responded to movement.

One single movement had soaked Castiel straight through to his skin, the water causing hid clothes to stick to him like a second skin. Dean's eyes had darkened so much the heat and lust was immense. "That's a good look for you." Castiel shook some of the water from his hair his body atomically responding to Dean's voice, which had deepened with every word. He moved back instinctively as Dean invaded his personal space pushing him against the shower wall causing water to spray over both of them.

Dean leaned in his lips on Castiel's ear. "I really like this look." He traced his hands over Castiel's second skin of clothing feeling the muscles, each touch make his muscles quiver in anticipation as he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck pressed his lips to his neck. Dean made a sound of approval stopping only once to check no one was around and crushing his lips against Castiel's.

Bodies pressed tightly together Dean and Castiel kissed each other in a fevered frenzy of tongues and fingers digging into shoulders and each other's scalps. Dean pulled away for a moment clasping both of Castiel's wrists in one hand and pulling them above his head holding them in place. Castiel strained against the grip as his hips brushed against Dean's. He stopped briefly to take in Cas.

His slight scrawny body soaked, eyes bright blue filled with lust, lips bruised and swollen and his chest heaving against his. It was a sight that would be burnt into his brain for the rest of his life. Dean ducked his head tracing his nose against Castiel's neck, the scent was intoxicating he could not get enough of it as he kissed and licked the neck in an attempt to drown himself, he wanted to make sure he never forgot it. His gripped tightened on Castiel's wrists as he moved back to Castiel's lips, each panting breath against his lips as he kissed him softly and deepening it making Cas moan, a sound that almost cracked Dean's self-control.

"Winchester! Novak! Where are you!" Dean groaned as he buried his head in Cas' shoulder and released his hands. "Son of a-." he whispered as he placed a finger on his lips and moved away. Dean stood in front of Castiel giving him a chance to sort of his appearance as much as he could, but there was not much that could be done for the wet clothing. "What the hell happened to you two?" Coach Grey appeared looking shocked to see Dean and Castiel completely soaked. "Automated showers caught us by surprise." Was all Dean said as Cas became weary of the Coach's eyes taking in their appearance and he became conscious of the fact another person could see his arms. "Oh yeah forgot to mention that." The Coach smirked at them as Dean rolled his eyes. "Was that revenge for Cas being a smart ass?" whether Dean was distracting the teacher he did not know, Cas moved grabbing his jacket, pulling it on needing the layer for a shield against prying eyes. "Now you think about it, yeah I think so." As the teacher inspected the locker room and shower area, Dean winked and smiled at Cas who rubbed his arm nervously for what the Coach's verdict would be. "Not bad, I should get you to do this more often."

As they walked home a smile formed on Dean's face. "Well that was definitely my most memorable Detentions." Castiel's ears burnt hot as his shyness returned although he was shivering slightly from the cool evening air against his damp clothing. Dean grabbed Cas by the wrist and pulled into the shadows pinning him against the wall. "We should definitely do that more often, don't you agree?"

"_Novak, Novak, Novak." Lisa muttered to herself as typed the surname into Google. "It can't be that common…"_

**A/N: ... "whistles innocently and walks away..."  
>Oh yeah! Lisa is a super freak! She's a super freak! <strong>


	17. Chapter 17: Rain

Rain.

It was a curious substance rain and it came in so many different forms. Big, small, sharp, soft. So many one could list them, but for some including Castiel rain held an extremely close and significance to him. Every year without fail Castiel would stand in the rain, allowing it to drench him completely as he sort of the closeness of his Mother, and each year of her passing the rain had never failed to fall no matter where he was. Some of course would argue it was due to the Geographical locations but to Castiel it was a sign. It was the one time he could get full closeness to her even if it was only for a few hours or sometimes days. He opened his eyes allowing the sounds and smells to consume him; his lips trembled as his tears mixed with the rain. He lifted his arm in the hopes of finally being able to touch her. "Cas? What are you doing?" Gabriel stood on the porch he ignored his Brother, again closing his eyes just for a brief moments before answering. "Mother died and was buried while it was raining."

_11 Years Previous _

_Castiel watched as his Mother's casket was finally lowered into ground, he stood between his Brothers Gabriel and Raphael a small sound escaping him as he looked for support. Raphael stared down at him his eyes ringed red before turning his attention back to his Mother's burial. Gabriel sensed his Youngest Brother's distress and pulled him to his side a hand on his shoulder while Castiel burrowed into his warm jacket. _

_It seemed like an age until they finally returned Home his Father had not once said a word to any of his sons and soon locked himself in his Study with Michael at his heel. Raphael, Gabriel and Castiel waited in the Family Room. "Has Dad said anything to you?" Gabriel asked in a hushed voice as a single voice raised and echoed throughout the house. Castiel flinched as he heard his name mentioned and hid his face in Gabriel's side, tears dampening the fabric. "Why is Father so angry?" not much made sense of Castiel, he wanted his Mother. He wanted her warmth and comfort only she could bring. "Do not be a fool Castiel! He blames you for her death." Raphael's words came out cruel and cold as Gabriel made a sound of disgust. "Don't be a idiot Raphael, nothing is his fault."_

_A door swung open as his Father appeared, a bottle in one hand and Michael trying his best to hold him back. "I want that Abomination dead! He is the Devil! The Devil!" Gabriel shielded Castiel from their Father's drunken gaze. "He is possessed!" _

"_Michael! Do something would you!" Gabriel yelled as their Father broke from Michael's grasped and advanced forward grabbing Gabriel by the front of his shirt. "Why do you protect that Abomination? He killed your Mother!" Gabriel never once flinched, as he stood strong. "Because he's my Brother and I love him which is more that can be said for you! Now take your hands off me before you make me really mad." Their Father sneered throwing the bottle into the fireplace, the flames reacting violently with the alcohol. "You can't protect him forever Gabriel!" _

"_Well I sure as hell can try! And if it means taking him away from this Hellhole than I will! Mark my word on that old man!" _

He felt Gabriel's hand on his shoulder bringing him back from the past; they stood together in the rain. "It's a shame I couldn't do what I promised." Castiel could do nothing by shrug. "It was not your fault Gabriel, I do not blame you for leaving." His Older Brother wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulder; very similarly to the day their Mother was buried. "Yeah but I broke that promise." Castiel rested his head against Gabriel's side contemplating his next question. "Why did you leave and not take you with me?" it was not until now that Castiel finally asked one question that needed a time and a place. "The week Mom died I got accepted into a College with some connections and help from her. She had always wanted one of her children to go to College, and after what happened that night I made the decision that if I was going to be able to care for you I needed to further my Education and earn money. I only wanted the best for you and when I left I regretted that decision throughout my entire years at College." Castiel's turned his head towards the house as warmth bloomed in his chest. "But I wanted you to come somewhere, where you would be able to be cared for emotionally, physically and financially. It's just a shame it took so long."

Once they had moved into the warmth of house Gabriel set about making Dinner, a common method he used to distract himself for a short period of time. "I never did ask how things were going with Dean." Whether he was trying to make conversation, Castiel face flushed bright red as memories of the Shower Room filled his brain. Gabriel sat down as Castiel picked up his glass of water while Gabriel noting the blush and tried his best to keep his face serious. "Oh I see it's like that is it? I hope you're being safe." Castiel half inhaled the water and spat it out in shock of his Brother's words. "W-w-w-we have not…!" he tried to find the words ones he had managed came out in a garbled mess. "Oh, you haven't gotten that far. Okay fair enough I don't condemn any of the acts I would however prefer you were of age to be honest." Castiel's face turned several shades of red at Gabriel comment. "Oh don't be such a prude Cas! It's normal to have these conversations, now when you do get down to doing the dirty make sure you are protected." Castiel had the sudden urge to either melt in a pool of embarrassment under the table or run upstairs. "And make sure you're not forced in to anything. You want to enjoy your first time." Castiel stared at his Brother his eyes wide. "Could we please not talk about this?"

"Hey I'm just trying to help but it's about time someone had the sex talk with you."

If it was possible for the person to die of embarrassment Castiel knew he would have and for some reason Gabriel enjoyed the idea of embarrassing him. "Must be a sibling thing…" he murmured as he sat outside, the rain had stopped briefly, leaving the scent of musky outside dampness it was sweet and clean, he sent a silent prayers of apologises to his Mother if she had witnessed the torture Gabriel had put him through with explanation about sex and what could come with it. He cringed slightly not particularly sure whether he even wanted to know but according to Gabriel it was necessary to be aware of it. "Hey Cas." His heart jumped a reaction he had become accustomed to whenever he heard his voice. Dean stood in front of him, hair slightly damp from being caught in the rain, Dean's head turned at Castiel flushed appearance while kneeling in front of him. "You're not sick are you?" Castiel shook his head avoiding Dean's eyes out of habit, the last thing he needed was to have to explain his last conversation with his Brother. "N-n-no." he mentally cursed his stutter. Dean caught Castiel's jaw between his fingers, his thumb gently stroking his jawline. "What's happened?"

He slowly licked his lips and closed his eyes only briefly. "It is embarrassing." He opened his eyes as Dean smiled softly like he was remembering something. "Gabrielsextalk." The whole sentence came out in one single breath as his face flushed crimson at having to speak out loud about it. "What?"

Cas took a single deep breath wanting to hide his face. "Gabriel insisted on 'having the sex talk'." He air quoted as Dean's eyebrows raised in realisation. "Oh, I see. Well it had to happen at some point I guess."

When Castiel noticed a darkening in the sky he stood as went back into the house, Dean following up to his room. He wanted to maintain the privacy aspect of their relationship as he closed the door with a snap. Dean sat on his bed as Castiel kept his distance. "Cas everyone has 'the talk' believe me it's not the most pleasant experience." He held out his hand indicating for Cas to take it, when he finally did Dean pulled him down as they lay side by side. Dean stroking Castiel's hand and fingers. "You thought talking to your Brother about it was bad, you should've seen what happened when Bobby decided to have 'the talk' with me." Castiel tried his best to find the humorous side but failed. "So I take it your Brother knows about us?" Cas nodded while biting his lip completely unsure of how Dean would react. "Yes he guessed, we have been a part for so long he is just a little over protective sometimes." He half expected Dean to get up and walk out but instead he turned his head kissing Castiel on the jaw. "If it helps I reckon Sammy knows, he may be young but he's sharp nothing gets passed that kid." Dean mused on the thought before turning his attention back to Castiel jaw and neck, but something still bothered Castiel he just was not sure how to bring it up. "And about the sex thing Cas, I'll wait until you're ready. So don't panic."

**A/N: Gabriel... BEST. BIG. BROTHER. EVER! FACT!**


	18. Chapter 18: Time

"_Castiel! Wake up you useless piece of shit! Wake up!" at the sound of his Father's voice, Castiel's eyes snapped open he lay still in the hopes his Father would finally allow him to sleep through the night but harsh fingers gripped him the arm, physically pulling him from his bed. "When I tell you to wake up! You do so!" the man his eyes filled with hate fisted the front of Castiel's t-shirt. "Do you understand?" he shook Castiel roughly as his grip tightened painfully. "Yes, Father. I understand." _

The combined effect of thunder and lightening awoke Castiel with a start, he had half expected to find his Father blocking the doorway waiting for a reason to punish him but all he saw was his closed door. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment trying his best to push away the memories but his Father's eyes that still cursed his dreams turning them into nightmares. Castiel ran his finger through his damp hair, cold sweat. Who knew the man he had escaped from would still be able to hurt him in memories. He got out of bed the cold air making his skin break out in goose bumps. "Hey Cas are you okay?" Castiel had just pulled off his t-shirt when he heard Dean's voice; thankfully the shadows covered his body from Dean's gaze. "Just a bad dream." He murmured pulling a new t-shirt. "What are you doing here?" the last thing he remembered was him and Dean lying on the bed together before the darkness of sleep embraced him, Cas stood awkwardly in his muscles trembling slightly from the cold until he slid back between the covers. "I fell asleep a bit after you did, and when I woke up there was no point going home since it started to piss it down." Cas turned his head towards the window, loud drops of rain beating against the glass. "Plus Dad's gone again and Sammy's at Bobby's… so a guy needs some company." Castiel snorted flipping over his pillow. "Are you searching for sympathy from me?"

"Well yeah I am a very lonely person Cas." Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist pulling him close, his mouth on the back of his neck; he felt Dean's mouth shaped in a smile. "Plus I like your company the most, you should be honoured." Castiel rolled his eyes turning his head searching Dean's eyes for a moment. "Although, I didn't get much sleep since you worried me a couple times." Castiel shifted uncomfortably as his chest tightened anxiously. "What was your bad dream about?"

"It is not important just a very old memory."

"Oh I get it, it's one of those things you can't talk about yet. Got you." He could not help but notice Dean seemed a little insulted. He closed his eyes taking in a very deep breath as Dean moved away from him taking the warmth and comfort with him. Castiel sat up touching Dean's shoulder trying to find words. "There is a lot in my past Dean, when I am ready I will tell you." Castiel struggled a brief moment. "There is so much, I do not wish to overload you because it is… it is… it is painful to think about and to talk about will be difficult. I need time."

When Castiel woke the next morning he found his bed empty, and the side Dean had slept on stone cold. He bit his lip touching the indentation, his stomach dropping a little at how tense things had gotten last night. Dean had not said much to whether he understood but he had pulled Castiel close and they fell asleep, even though he had Dean's closeness the hollow feeling in his gut never once budged.

He found Gabriel downstairs reading his mail. "I see you had company last night, caught Dean sneaking out this morning." Gabriel saw the tiredness on Castiel's face. Dark bags under his eyes and instinctively he knew the reason. "Nightmares?" Castiel sat down rubbing his face trying to rid of the hot sleepiness from his eyes. "He finds me even though I escaped." He smiled sadly. "I do not think I could ever tell Dean what he did to me." Gabriel watched as his Brother battled his inner turmoil. "He wants to know but… I am too scared to tell him."

"Cas you've been through Hell so it's your choice whether you tell Dean or not, I wouldn't be surprised if you're suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress. And it takes times to recover from that kind of abuse. Emotionally, physically and psychologically it's on your terms and it always will be."

With Gabriel's words still in his mind Castiel made his way toward Dean's house, he had wanted… needed to know if Dean was okay, the way they had parted felt like they had had an argument that never got resolved properly. He reached the crossroads checking each side before crossing. It seemed the short distance took an age until he finally reached Dean's Garage finding it open but Dean nowhere to be seen. As he walked closer he saw Lisa sitting on the Impala. "Castiel right?" his eyes narrowed as her mouth stretched into a wide smile. "Oh you're not the talkative kind are you?" she slid off the car effortlessly. "Dean's a bit busy at the moment but I'll tell him you dropped by." He felt the liquid feeling of hate bubble inside his body. "I can wait." The words came out stonily. "If you want, we can keep each other company." The sweetness and perkiness in her voice made him cringe as she linked arms pulling him into the Garage. "You know you're a very interesting person Castiel. Your name, Brother… Family." His heart literally stopped for a spilt second as he stared at her. "Yeah found some really interesting things on the Internet about your Family. Is it true this is the Anniversary week of your Mom's death? That's so sad, I can't imagine what it would be like growing up without my Mom and a drunken grief stricken Dad. Must have been horrible." She spoke so casually as Castiel stared horrified at her knowledge. "Morgan Novak, pretty name and she was stunning. I can see where you got your looks from… although your Dad?… I would _definitely _look twice if he passed me in the street." Castiel moved back as she continued taunting him. "And your Brothers! Michael, Raphael and Gabriel right?" she smirked at Castiel's terrified face. "My, my when I saw a picture of them they took my breath away. How about I show everyone at school I bet they would all be very interested in Freaky Angel Boy's mysterious life… don't you agree Castiel?"

Dean walked into the Garage glaring at Lisa for wasting his time. "Look, your phone isn't here you must've left it somewhere else." She pouted her lips. "Oh well I'm sorry for wasting your time." She turned to leave digging through her bag and pulling out her phone. "I can be ever so forgetful sometimes, oh and before I forget that new kid dropped by… what's his name?" a small flare of protectiveness flamed through Dean's body. "Cas." she snapped her fingers as to say 'that's the one'. "Where is he?" she used her phone as a mirror tracing her lips. "He left I don't think he was very comfortable around girls, he's very strange."

Dean turned and popped the hood of the Impala hinting for her leave. "Are you done?" he asked as she made a sound that Dean's last comment had been insulting. "Fine I'm going. Before I go do you think he's a homo or something?" Dean slammed his hand on the Impala and he turned and stalked towards her. "What he is or isn't. Has absolutely nothing to do with you now get out of my Garage before I really lose my temper."

**A/N: ... Why on Earth do I write Lisa to the point where she actually pisses me off? My God that cannot be healthy!  
>But for the plot... It's necessary because... she's... a... SUPER FREAK! SUPER FREAK!<strong>

**Thank you also for the Reviews! Each and every one of them make me smile and laugh :D **


	19. Chapter 19: Gone

It was amazing what could happen in 24 simple hours but people's lives still carried on without a second thought. Thousands and thousands of miles away someone could be dying of starvation, or another of disease yet the world kept moving on. Blood could be split and maybe just maybe if the media caught on everyone would stop to think before carrying on into the routine of their lives.

It took less than 24 hours in a small town called Lawrence, Kansas for a Brother to figure out something was wrong. He did not need the media, or word of mouth just his gut. Gabriel paced around his house anxiously his gut sending all kind of signals and words to his brain. "Something's not right." He glanced at his watch for the hundredth time and slowly the main hand it 12am. "Shit."

Grabbing his coat he left his house taking only his keys and phone, leaving the lights switched on and door closed but open. He practically ran towards the Winchester residence his heart beating uncomfortably fast and hard in his chest as he knocked on the door several times. A very tired Dean opened unaware of Gabriel's panic. "Gabriel? Do you have any idea what time it is?" Gabriel pushed past Dean who rubbed the back of his head. "Please tell me you've heard from Cas?" Dean shook his head as Gabriel ran both hands through his hair trying to calm his panic. "Okay, if you haven't heard from him. Have you seen him?" all Dean could do was shake his to the point Gabriel sank into the nearest chair, his face pale and eyes red. "Why what's happened?" he went to his Father's drink cabinet taking out a glass and filling it with whiskey before passing it to Gabriel. "Cas, he's gone."

Silence stretched between the two men, Dean mouth slightly open and Gabriel sipped at the liquid in the hopes for comfort. "What do you mean by gone?" Gabriel stared into Dean's green eyes as if searching for something. "I mean he left yesterday morning and hasn't come back." Dean sat slowly into a chair; his stomach feeling like someone had punched him several times. "Gone? Where?"

"I don't know, Dean how much do you actually know about my Brother?" his heart dropped as it only took a brief second for him to realise. "Not as much as I should." Gabriel sighed staring up at the ceiling. "What I tell you can never leave this room, it's something I haven't spoken about to anyone other than Castiel. Do you understand?" Dean nodded leaning forward as Gabriel's voice slowly got quieter.

"Do you know why Castiel came to Lawrence?"

Dean's silence was the answer because only Gabriel knew but it was time to tell someone for the sake of Castiel. "After my Mother died, my Father spent the next 11 years of Castiel's life punishing him. I could only protect him so much but my Father being the bastard he was took advantage of my absences. I would come home to find Castiel hiding under his bed terrified because our Father had tried to exorcise apparent Demons out of his him, if that didn't work he resorted to other tactics. Soon after I left for College but don't think badly of me for doing that, I needed to get qualifications and a career so I could take Castiel away from that Hell. I realise even now that I haven't scratched the surface to what my Father did to him in my 7-year absence. You saw how beat up he was when he first started school right?" Dean nodded, remembering how he had put Cas down for the kind of kid who pissed off the wrong people. But how wrong he had been. "Castiel did one of the bravest things he escaped with little money to get to Lawrence. He hitchhiked, walked and starved himself so he had enough money to get here by Bus. For that entire trip he had to keep a careful watch over his shoulder, cover his tracks so no one could follow and retrace his steps."

_Who would've known the social awkward kid with a strange name had been to Hell and back. _"What about his ribs? Cas told me he fell down the stairs."

Dean was convinced Cas had been lying about how his ribs had been broken but now knowing more he needed to ask. Gabriel narrowed his eyes as Dean's eyebrows rose waiting for an answer. "That was a couple months before I left, Dad had been drinking a lot he never coped well with the Anniversary weeks of my Mother's death. He pulled Cas out of bed at 3 in the morning, smacked him about and threw him to the stairs. He was lucky to have survived although he spent a week in Hospital because of a concussion, plus the place my Father most liked to hit Castiel was his ribs. Hence why they've never really healed properly."

Gabriel checked in his watch for the first time in what seemed hours. "I can't call the Police yet because he hasn't been missing for over 48 hours, look he trusts you and so do I. Please help me find my Brother if anything happened to him I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for failing him again."

The chill of fall ran up Dean's spine and he and Gabriel started their search, he had dropped Sammy at Bobby's promising to explain why as soon as he could but Sammy being Sammy he had overheard parts of the conversation between him and Gabriel and had gone without argument. "Has Cas ever done anything like this before?" Gabriel looked up into the sky to see the sun slowly rising, closing his eyes searching for the endless possible memories, which could connect him to Castiel's train of thought. "No… wait yes! He's done this before! My God it was so long ago. My mom was very well known in Pontiac and the papers wanted to do a memorial for her, this was after my Dad graciously tried to exorcise Demons from him after her Funeral. Castiel panicked when the papers wanted photos and information. I found him hiding in the nearby woods." Gabriel grabbed Dean by the jacket.

"Trust me on this Dean, you'll find Castiel either in the nearby woods or field. He'll be there to cut himself off reality. He's going to be scared, not scared. Terrified! If you find him, comfort and stay with him until he's ready to move. You'll need a hell of a lot of patience because when he's like this… the only way I can describe it is… Fragile because every single bad memory will surface and he can't cope with all that emotion at one time."

Dean placed his hands on Gabriel's shoulder, the coat damp underneath his fingers. "So he'll probably have like a mini-mental melt down?"

"Exactly, you will see Castiel at his most vulnerable."

**A/N: Probably one of the most difficult chapters to write if I'm honest  
>Also I was listening to one amazing soundtrack<br>Name: Time  
>Artist: Hans Zimmer<br>Haven't seen 'Inception' but the soundtrack I've got is AMAZING!  
>As usual thank you for the reviews! Would it be rude to ask if you could keep them coming? Love and Hugs everyone! ... Could someone send me a hug cos i need one after writing this! <strong>


	20. Chapter 20: Revelations

They say time makes pain go away or easier to cope with whether that is true only a person who has experienced true pain can answer that question. Would it not be better just to forget? Forget the pain of losing the one you loved? Forget the pain of rejection and abandonment? How is it possible for people to just carry on with their lives with the burden of so many different emotions?

Tears filled Castiel closed eyes escaping leaving a trail of dried salty residue past his temple and eventually falling on to the ground.

"Cas! … Cas! Can you hear me?" he thought he might be dreaming, his attempt to escape reality and the harshness of Earth. He wanted nothing more than to be able to fall into an endless sleep. A place he could be happy just him, his memories of his Mother and Gabriel. "Cas!" but the voice calling his name seemed to be getting clearer at each passing moment, stronger pulling him from his thoughts. "Cas!" slowly he opened his eyes momentarily blinded by the new light rising to the sky, until it cleared and he saw a vast array of colours so sharp, so beautiful he did not want the moment to go. "Cas!" as he sat up a figure took form he squinted trying to make out who it was. "Cas thank God I found you!"

Dean had been looking for him? Why? From where he sat he took in Dean appearance. His face tired and exhausted, hair damp from being caught in the rain. "What are you doing here?" his voice cracked under the pressure of disuse. "Why are you here? Get away I do not want you here!" he stood up shakily his legs protesting as he moved back. "Please! Go away, leave me alone!" he wanted to run away, escape reality and leave everyone behind even if they did care for him. "Cas, calm down okay. Everyone's really worried about you."

All Castiel could do was shake his head in disbelief as he took a step back. "Impossible! If everyone cared about me why are they so interested in my life? What have I done to them to deserve taunting? Answer me that Dean!" Dean stood still not a single muscle moving, his head held up in front of him. "I escaped my Father's abuse for a place where people insist on digging up my past!"

He waited for an answer, an explanation except Dean said nothing, his face stunned. "Why can't people just leave me alone?" a sob escaped Castiel's lips as he fell to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his legs, his face hidden by his knees. Each sob made his shoulder heave and chest ache. "Cas, if I said I understood, would you think I was lying?" he heard Dean move cautiously and sit down. "Because I know that pain you're feeling." He felt Dean touch his hair gently. "When I lost my Mom, people would always ask me if I was okay. And I would say 'yes' pure and simply because I wanted them to stop asking me." His fingers stroked at Castiel's hair for a moment, in the hopes he would lift his head. "Cas, what you went through is something not even I can relate to. But I know the feelings of losing both parents. I would've done exactly what you did but I couldn't leave Sammy, he's has to live with the fact he'll never meet his Mom or even his Dad properly." As if something clicked inside Castiel's heart he lifted his head. "The Dad that I knew for the first four years of my life left the moment my Mom died." Castiel hands shook as he lifted one to touch Dean's face. Castiel's lips twitched as more tears fell, tears for Dean and his pain. "And I'm guessing it's was the same for you?" he could only nod, although in reality his Father had in some form cared about him no one could fully understand how he had changed his attitude towards his Youngest Son.

Could it be blamed on grief and mourning? Or the possibility of resentment and jealousy to the affection his Wife had given his Youngest Son, and leaving the three Eldest to their own devices. Castiel could always remember hoping his Father would pat him on the back or praise him. Yet he was cold and distant, he would hid away only to be found by his Mother who would sit by him stroking his face and hair whispering. "You're Father does care, he is just not very good at showing it." Of course as a child he had believed her but thinking now was there a hint of doubt in her voice?

He could recall every argument his Parents would have about him, his Mother yelling at his Father for being a cold and heartless bastard. "He is your son as well! Stop thinking that book is going to give you the answers! Because it won't!" soon the arguments would die down, resulting in his Father leaving the house and slamming the front door.

Was it his fault his Mother got ill? He would question ever since the day his Mother came back with the results, she sat all the four of them down and explained what the Doctor had said. Gabriel clutched Castiel close while Michael and Raphael said nothing. It was not until the day their Mother had passed did Raphael had found Castiel hiding in his usual place, he had looked his Little Brother in the eyes. "Your are poison Castiel, you turned Mother and Father against each other. Caused the cancer to take her. Behind those innocent blue eyes is a Demon which no amount of praying can vanquish and Father saw that the moment you were born."

Each memory triggered more emotion inside Castiel it poured out of his entire body. Fresh tears of anguish tore from him. "Dean am I a Demon?" Dean took both of his hands in his, his fingers stroking the skin until something red caught his eye. Without making any sudden movements he pulled up the sleeve of the jacket. "Do Demons bleed?" at some point Castiel had dug his nails into his skin repeatedly trying to find a release. "Cas, do Demons bleed?" Castiel shook his head. "Only when the body is going through immense trauma."

"Okay, and do they know emotion? Grief, sadness or happiness?"

"They live to cause those emotions..." Before he realised Castiel had answered his own question as Dean checked over the fresh marks on his forearms, the blood had dried as the wound started the process of clotting and healing. "I don't believe in God, Heaven or Hell but I do know that you're as human as they come Cas. That guy you call your Dad is nothing more than a sperm donor. No one has the right to blame and punish someone when a loved one dies."

They sat in silence until a chilling wind blew past them; Castiel shuddered against the coldness sweeping his body. Dean automatically took of his jacket and placed it around Castiel shoulders, he burrowed into the warmth and scent of Dean which now surrounding him. "The sunrise is so beautiful." Castiel lay back on the ground his eyes fixated on the sky. "I do not remember the last time I watched a sunrise." Dean shifted so they lay side by side neither not particular sure what to say. "We have all the time in the world Cas, I'm not going anywhere." For the first time in a long time Castiel felt peace as he closed his eyes, out of instinct he reached out for Dean before falling into a deep sleep and missing the sunrise.

**A/N: I really have no idea what to say... Yet again I'm speechless  
><strong>**But thank you for the reviews and hugs! **


	21. Chapter 21: Choices

A Few Months Later – December 

"You want me and Sammy to do what?" Dean stared at his Dad in disbelief he actually had to pinch his leg to make sure he was not dreaming. "I want you and Sammy to come with me on my next business trip, I thought it might be fun." Dean could barely hold back his excitement; the man who was his Dad before his Mom had died was back. He remembered his Dad tucking him into his bed telling him stories of going on the road as Father and Son. Teaching Dean the tricks of the trade and when Sammy was old enough teach him too. "Son, what do you think? We could go when you and Sammy are on your Winter break so you'll be back in time for the new School year."

"Yeah! Let's do it, it'll be good to get out of Lawrence for a-" he stopped in mid-sentence when he realised. _Cas… no I can't leave him. _The last couple months had been hard on Castiel, after discovering Lisa was the one who had made him disappear and also finding out she had told nearly everyone in the entire school, about his Mother and Family she had found on the Internet. Dean had been almost suspended for starting fights with people who had taunted Cas, not to mention his ass had been thrown in Detention and there was even talk of Anger Management Sessions. Which of course had pissed him off to no end.

It was his Dad's prompt return and for once in years listening to Dean's side of the story, Dean vented out all the shit and anger as his Dad listened intently calm and collected. "I'm just trying to protect someone I care about, he hasn't done anything wrong." John reached over patting his Oldest Son's arm, his eyes full of understanding. "It might be because you've never acted out like that in the past. So this Castiel, he's special to you right?" Dean had nodded while smiling a little sadly. "Yeah he is, he's been through so much crap and just wants a normal life."

For once in a long time Dean felt the bond that he thought was gone strengthen as he left his house and headed towards Cas'. He found Gabriel sitting on the porch a cup of coffee beside him. "Hey Gabe." The Older Novak smiled tiredly as Dean sat beside him. "How is he?" Gabriel repressed a yawn while rubbing his eyes. "He's sleeping finally thank God, four days as he's finally passed out from exhaustion." Dean sighed in relief with Gabriel, the stress of school and people constantly digging for more information about the Novak background had taken a negative impact of Cas' resulting on him not sleeping for days at a time. It was the first time he had arrived to hear Cas was finally catching some shut eye. "It's a start right? What have the doctors said?" Gabriel snorted in disgust. "That it's a phase and he'll snap out of it and if it does get worst he might need to 'talk to someone'." He made another sound of disgust while throwing his coffee into the nearby bush. "Do they honestly think bringing even more people to talk about the past is going to help? My God, it's unbelievable."

It had been Dean's persistence to exhaust all option of how to help, and with that persistent determination he had talked Gabriel into getting Castiel seen by a doctor. As they moved from outside into the kitchen, Dean set about making Gabriel a fresh cup of coffee. "Even though they say it's a phase, they offered to prescribe some medication to help him sleep. You know my Dad might be an unholy bastard but he was right about the Health Care System." Dean placed the fresh coffee in front of Gabriel as he sat down. "I suppose seeing my Mom get pumped full of drugs didn't really help, but now it's always 'someone's ill let's give them a pill.' Never really solves the problem just masks it and the last thing I want is too see my Brother hooked on some pills for the rest of his life."

They sat talking about unimportant subjects until movement could be heard on the floor above. "He's probably heard us talking, why don't you go up and see him?" as Dean stood up Gabriel caught him by the wrist. "If you want to spend the night you're welcome too, I think Cas needs the comfort of not being alone."

Castiel heard voices as he slipped in and out of the sleep stages; he wanted to open his eyes yet it seemed impossible as his brain cried out for more sleep both his conscious and subconscious battled each other one wanted sleep as the other feared of what happen if he did. Would he hear the whispers and feel the eyes endless stares of people? Relive the past and hear the cruel words of Michael and Raphael or his Father? He rolled on to his back staring at the ceiling as the door opened and out of instinct he knew who it was. Dean moved towards the bed pulling off his jacket and shoes before sliding between the sheets, he moved Cas so he could wrap one of his arms around him keeping him close to his body. "I missed you at school today." Dean said softly as Cas burrowed his head into Dean's side. "It's calmed down a lot as well." He felt Dean stroke his bare arm while the other rubbed his back. "Chuck misses you." Cas kept his eyes closed as he hand found bare flesh, he wanted to memorise the feeling of Dean's skin, the feeling of the muscles, the warmth and scent all those individual things made Dean Winchester who he was. "And I miss Chuck." His voice was quiet and muffled against Dean's side yet his hand slid across the skin of his stomach and ribs. "I find your skin and warmth soothing." He heard Dean's heart pick up as his fingers traced each rib. "Cas I need to tell you something."

He shifted Cas into a sitting position so they could see each other. Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's unkempt hair. "My Dad asked me and Sammy to go on a business trip with him." Castiel looked slightly confused. "Which means if I agree to go, I'll be away for a couple weeks." Cas' brow furrowed. "Your Father is making amends?" he lay back down his back to Dean his eyes closed trying to concentrate on the idea of sleeping a little more. "Yeah I guess so," Dean placed his hand on Cas' hip as he leaned over. "I don't know whether I should go yet though." When Cas did not reply he carried on. "I don't want to leave you right now."

Dean rolled Cas back on to his back to find his eyes open but dull. "Dean your relationship with your Father is important as well. You never know when the opportunity will arise again." Dean could not help but lean down pressing a kiss on Cas' lips which only took a moment before getting a response. "If you don't want me to go I won't."

"If you want to go, then go. I do not want to be the reason you missed an opportunity of reconciling with your Father."

**A/N: I've sort of done a time skip so I can get ready for the next plot lines ... Oooh who's excited because I cannot wait to start to write the batch of chapters!  
>Oh yeah and I've made the decision to go to 'Asylum 7' I'm seriously excited! <strong>


	22. Chapter 22: Danger

Castiel sat on the corner of his street watching as Dean left with Sam and his Father for some much needed and much-deserved Father/Sons bonding time. It had taken a lot to convince Dean that he would be all right, although seeing Dean drive away he felt the sinking feeling of loneliness. "You're looking a bit down there." He looked up from the ground and gasped moving back instinctively. "Castiel right?" he nodded silently as the boy sat beside Castiel unaware of what Cas had heard about his reputation. "Name's Crowley."

Crowley known only by his surname and not much else, he was the one person you would go to for anything but for a price. "I've got some stuff which will turn that frown upside down."

"I am fine, I do not need that stuff." Crowley snorted in disagreement, while he poked Cas gently where the lack of sleep showed most. "Got yourself a little bit of insomnia haven't you? I can tell." He dug into his pocket and in the palm of his hand saw aluminium wrapped tightly into a ball. "I can guarantee a little bit of this will have you out like a light." Castiel pushed it away looking up and down the street just in case someone might have seen what was happening. "You're afraid and nervous happens to the best of us. How about I do you a deal?"

"A deal? What could I possibly have that you want?" Crowley placed the silver ball back in his pocket. "Not that kind of deal Cas, I'll give you this stash for free and you can do whatever you want with it. Keep it, sell it, or throw it whatever. But if you're interested in what it can offer you I'll be at this address." Crowley took out a piece of paper and wrote down the street name and number as well as passing the silver ball before leaving. "Think about it, you never know it might help with all your problems."

As soon as Crowley left Castiel ran straight home, Gabriel was due back from work at anytime and he could not be caught with whatever Crowley had given him. He went straight into the bathroom ready to unwrap the contents of the silver ball and flush it. But he stopped as looked down at the ball that seemed to be growing larger at each passing moment. _What harm could it do? _He heard the door open and close downstairs. "Cas are you here?" he skidded into his room trying to find a place to hide the silver ball as he heard Gabriel climbing the stairs. "Cas?" he lay on his bed looking underneath and seeing a wooden box he had brought to keep his photos and memories safe, he placed the ball inside closing it just as Gabriel opened his door. "Here you are, why didn't you answer when I called?" he saw his Brother's eyes narrow suspiciously at Castiel's guilty face. "What's with the guilty look?" Castiel placed the box under his pillow. "Guilty look?" Gabriel pulled his tie off with a sigh. "Whatever never mind, are you eating today?"

He glanced towards his pillow while biting his lip. "Yes but I think I am going to meet some school friends after." Gabriel was in mid process of folding his tie when he stopped and stared at his Brother. "Friends?" Castiel moved off his bed pushing Gabriel as he went back into the hallway. "Yes, I have not spoken to Chuck in a while." He closed his door trying to not act like he was hiding something. "Okay fair enough, what do you want to eat today anything or anything?"

As Castiel followed the directions Crowley had written for him his stomach turned in a sickly manner as his pocket seemed to be getting heavier. "Well, well Castiel did curiosity get the better of you?" he jumped a little to find Crowley smiling at him, and he did seem overall pleased with himself. "Do you think it will help?" Crowley walked towards him placing his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "It'll help with all those ache and pains, sleeping problems, anxieties. I've heard a lot of whispers about you Castiel and they are very interesting to say the least." As the walked down the street and towards a field a strong smell hit Castiel full in the face, he flinched stopping for a moment. "Don't worry about that, you'll get use to it. If you want to go home by all means I'm not stopping you."

"No, I will be okay."

_From the shadows Gordon had been watching Castiel with morbid fascination, he had been following learning every single habit Castiel had. Where he went, when he went, where he looks, whom he talked too. Although meeting Crowley was something he never quite expected, he was the local dealer for the school and he had one of the greatest business minds and knew had to stop from being caught. "Where is he?" he turned to look over his shoulder as Lisa appeared next to him, her eyes followed Gordon's. "Crowley really? Well I can't say I'm surprised but he'll be easy to take when he's stoned out of his mind." She smiled sinfully and coldly. "Yeah, we'll get that little faggot for not knowing his place." Gordon turned his watch back on to the area Castiel and Crowley had disappeared, Lisa placed a hand on Gordon's shoulder while placing a small kiss on his cheek. "I really do appreciate you helping me, he stole my boyfriend and I want revenge. No one steals from me and gets away with it."_

**A/N: Let the next plot begin ...  
>And ohmigosh I actually wrote this chapter in the daytime! O.O ... I don't like it I prefer Nocturnal to be honest <strong>


	23. Chapter 23: Pain

Christmas Day

Castiel lay in bed hiding underneath his covers every part of his body aching, each breath he took in his ribs protested as tears slid from his eyes. Why had he gone out that night? He had had a feeling someone was watching him but his baked brain never computed and took the information in. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw _his eyes _he heard the words as a group of shadows overpowered him easily dragging him into the fielding.

How long they kicked, taunted and punched him he did not know. He had curled up into a ball, his mind crying out for someone to help him. _Someone help me! Please God! _Was he not worthy of God's presence anymore? He felt the full impact as someone kicked his ribs and the excruciating pain made him see white.

"I think Angel Boy's learnt his lesson don't you?" he knew that female voice, as the group laughed amongst themselves, he tried to sit up only to wrapped his arms around his aching ribs trying to protect them from further damage. He lay on the cold ground as blood dripped slowly from his face, lip and nose. His fingers gripped his ribs as the shadows disbanded and only one stayed behind, he knelt down in front of forcing Castiel whose eyes stared unblinking at the darkness to look into his attackers eyes. "Where's your Hero now you little Faggot, tell anyone about this and next time we won't go as easy on you." He pushed Castiel's face into the mud turning only to kick him in the stomach before turning and leaving.

_Gabriel – Weeks Previous_

_As the days turned slowly into weeks Gabriel sat in the background watching his Little Brother, his gut was practically screaming for him to intervene because he knew exactly what Castiel was up. He knew the smell that he carried and stuck on him whenever he came home late, he knew those glazed eyes and chilled out attitude. He knew because his Little Brother was anything but chilled out, his Little Brother was awkward, quiet and thoughtful. He sat outside in the cold December evening wrapped up as Castiel appeared. "Cas, sit down a minute would you?" he saw his Brother's, eyes glazed over as he practically fell on to the step. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice?" Castiel's trademark blank stare showed a little of him breaking through but he shook his head. "Don't know what you're talking about." He stretched out on the stairs sighing in content. "How long have you been smoking weed for?" Castiel's eyes half-opened and he yawned. "There's nothing to worry about, it's helping." The boy who sat beside Gabriel sounded nothing like his formal Little Brother. "You do realise that's its only going to mask the problem not solve it right?" Castiel snorted as he got up slowly, his body swaying. "Quit freaking out Big Brother, I am fine I can stop anytime I want. Just quit smothering me. God!" _

_Since that day the Novak household had become very tense, Gabriel always on edge of what Castiel's mood would be like. He would sometimes wake up groggy and almost back to his normal self. Worst days were his Brother would blank him and not even acknowledge him. Castiel would appear sometimes unaware of his surrounding and it seemed today was one of those days, Gabriel set about making him breakfast wondering whether Cas would be in a talkative mood since it was nearing Christmas. "Cas any idea what you want to do for Christmas?" Cas picked at his breakfast. "Not really." Gabriel sipped at his coffee. Well two words is better than no words. "We could go somewhere get out of Lawrence for a bit?" Castiel shrugged as he started eating breakfast. "Whatever."_

New Years Eve

"I honestly don't know what to do." Gabriel stood in the Bakery owned by Ellen Harvelle. "He's not eating, God knows if he's sleeping but he hasn't left his bedroom since getting back from the Hospital." Gabriel mind was still haunted by the image of his Brother coming home and collapsing on the floor, blood dripping out his mouth. Castiel had spent a couple nights in Hospital but refused to talk to the Police about who had attacked him. And naturally the whole town knew about the attack yet nobody had seen what had happened. Gabriel breathing became harsh as he held back his tears. "I've failed him again. I promised to protect him and look what happens." Ellen who Gabriel had become very attached to pulled him into a tight hug as Gabriel sobbed into her shoulder. "Gabriel what happened was not your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself for this; Cas needs you to stay strong for him. He needs your support." She stroked his back gently. "Is there anyone you can call and ask for help? Family? Friend of the Family?" Gabriel rubbed the escaped tears from his face. "There's someone but… but I don't know how much help he'll be since Castiel won't even let me near him." Ellen pushed a glass of whiskey towards Gabriel. "What's his name I might know him? I have connections if you haven't got a number."

"Dean Winchester."

Jo held back a gasp as she heard Dean Winchester's name, her heart cried for Castiel and Gabriel and she had so wanted to go and visit but her Mother who was close friends who Gabriel had forbid her. She regretted not talking more to Castiel and actually becoming a friend in his eyes but she knew what she had to do. She left Gabriel and her Mother's conversation and running upstairs to her bedroom, she searched around finding her phone hidden underneath her pillow and dialled. Each dialling tone dragged until Dean's voice answered on the other end. "Dean! Oh thank God! It's Jo, something happened!"

**A/N: Now I had intended on dragging this particular plot on but getting right too it makes it less complicated. So basically the outline for this chapter so there's not any confusion.  
>Christmas Day - Is like a week or so after the attack<br>Gabriel - Like a flashback of before the attack  
>And New Years Eve - Present Day ... I hope that makes sense!<strong>

**Thankyou also so much for the reviews! And I do apologise if my random update alerts: wake you up, distract you from work or sleep... ... Hugs! Bye see you soon!**


	24. Chapter 24: Promises

"Bobby, drop me off here?" Bobby Singer a life long Friend of the Family stared in shock at the Oldest Winchester who had been almost pulling his hair out from worrying. "Calm down boy, you'll give yourself a heart attack." Bobby had known the Winchester boys for all their life and had practically raised them after John Winchester had gone a permanent business related road trip for the last 13 years. "Please stop the car, I'll run I need to see Cas." Bobby grabbed Dean by the shoulder holding him back. "Dean. We're almost there sit tight okay?" they drove in silence the only thing which could heard was the tapping of Dean's fingers on the car window. It had taken one phone call for Dean to drop everything he could barely believe what he was hearing when Jo called him.

"_I don't know whether you know or have heard but… Castiel Novak h-h-he's in real bad shape. From what I've heard he was jumped and beaten up pretty bad. No one knows who was involved and Castiel isn't say anything. I just overheard his Brother talking to my Mom and he's a total mess, blaming himself for everything!" _

Once the words had sunk in Dean acted out of instinct and started shoving all the clothes he could find into a bag, he told Sammy to stay put while he rang his Dad telling him he needed to get back to Lawrence right now. After a loud argument over the phone, Dean ended up ringing Bobby who was lucky enough to be in the area at the time. Before he knew it he was hugging Sammy tightly promising to see him soon as he jump into Bobby's truck.

"Dean, what's this kid to you anyway?" the question had been gnawing at Bobby's current track of thought as New Year celebrations started all around. Dean watched the display of fireworks cascade around him as Bobby stopped at the traffic light, hordes of town folk cheering and singing. "He's someone I care about, look just drop me off here I'll run." Dean leaped out the moving truck hearing Bobby curse at his stupidity. "Bobby, thank you." He slammed the door closed hearing Bobby shout. "Be careful you idjit!"

So Dean ran as fast as he could dodging past the crowds of people, some local others students from school. He was pulled aside briefly. "Lisa! What the hell?" her eyes were dark and stank of alcohol. "Dean I missed you baby! where have you been?" she pressed her body full against his, rubbing occasionally until Dean put space between them. "How much have you drank?" she giggled drunkenly. "Enough that we could a little fun and I might just remember," she slid her hand underneath his top as he flinched. "What do you think tough guy? Or do you want that pathetic excuse for a man?" a shot of anger darted through his entire body. "Do you know what happened to Cas?" she smirked at him. "Get in the times Dean! I mean who doesn't know? But what I do know is that little stoner freak deserved it!" before he could even ask what she meant by her parting comment she left, disappearing into the crowd. The celebrations carried on around him until he finally reached his street, a small flood of relief calmed his heart for a second but only until he saw the darkness of the Novak house.

He knew Gabriel's habits and he knew that when all the lights were off no one was home literally, but yet he stilled banged at the door hoping it would arose some attention. "Dean? Is that you?" he turned to see Gabriel standing at the end of the driveway. "How-What? What are you doing here?" his gut told him something was not right as he marched up to Gabriel. "What the hell happened? And why are you out here? And where's Cas?" Gabriel rubbed his brow trying to relieve the tension. "I don't know Dean, that's where I've been. Cas' has gone missing." Dean stood in shock as Gabriel explained the best he could. "I went out to talk to Ellen about Cas and when I got back he was gone. I've looked everywhere." Gabriel sat on the porch stairs as Dean paced trying to think. "Gabe, has Cas been doing drugs?" an ashamed looked passed Gabriel's face, which was all the answer Dean needed. "He's been smoking pot for a couple weeks before the attack, I think he out of it when he was attacked." _So Lisa wasn't just name-calling. Bitch! _"I think I know where he is, stay here just in case he comes back."

Crowley. There was no mistaken he had gotten his claws into Castiel he had a knack for finding the vulnerable ones and claiming his 'product' as he called it could help, and from past experience he knew exactly where Crowley would be and if his instincts were right, Cas would be there too. "Dean Winchester. Pleasure, what brings you here?" he was greeted by the Host himself. "Is Castiel Novak here?" Crowley rolled his eyes as he pointed in the general direction of where the strongest smell of pot was coming from. "Shame his pretty face is mess." He heard Crowley shout as he walked carefully towards a small crowd of people around his age. "Cas! Are you here?" he pulled a random stoner up whose eyes were large and glazed. "Castiel Novak, where is he?" the guy smiled lazily. "Dude's over there, he is wasted man." He dropped the stoner making his way carefully through the crowds the smell of pot making him feeling a little nauseous but he kept on searching until he found Cas.

Leaning against a tree he found Cas staring at his hand bemused completely unaware of his surroundings, Dean kneeled in front of him the stoner had been telling the truth. "Cas? Hey Cas it's Dean. Are you okay?" it took a moment before Castiel's glazed over blue eyes found Dean's and he smiled. "Dean, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on…" he lost his speech as his full attention went back to his hands which he clenched and unclenched baffled and confused. "Now that's strange… I can't feel my hands. I can see them but I can't feel them." Dean took Castiel's bruised face in his hands making him look up, his eyes unfocused. "Cas we're going to go home now. Gabriel's worried sick about you. He's been searching." He lifted Cas up carefully noting how he flinched at the movements. "I dunno what he's worried about… I'm fine other than my hands which I can't feel." Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist as they walked. "What the hell happened to you?" Dean asked as they left finally found the pavement. "Life. I was beaten up for being different." His words slurred a little as the comedown took effect. "They called me a Faggot, I didn't even know I was gay!" Castiel grinned up at Dean. "But I'm not though." He murmured more to himself than anything. "I only like one guy…" he trailed off as his fingers gripped Dean's shoulder who had been listening intently to Castiel's rambling until they finally reached his house.

Inside they found Gabriel pacing around the Kitchen. "Oh thank God!" Gabriel pulled his Little Brother into a hug until he pulled back staring into his eyes. "Cas why?" Castiel shrugged getting up unsteadily and started rummaging through the cupboards. "Do you know how much he's had?" Dean shook his head watching what the Younger Novak was doing. "I'm not sure but he's coming down from it." He had had enough experience with pot to know the signs. Yet again Castiel seemed oblivious to his surrounding as he left the Kitchen with an arm full of snacks they heard him climb the stairs and close his door.

"What the hell happened to him?" Dean could see Gabriel mentally beating himself up. "I've failed him again. I promise to protect him and look what happens. If I still believed in God I would think he was punishing me. Dean go and stay with him just so he doesn't disappear again."

Dean felt unsure about leaving Gabriel in his current state but he knew the Brother only had Castiel interests in hand. He trend carefully as he opened the door of Castiel's bedroom, the trade mark 'Organised Chaos.' Clearly still applied. Cas was sitting on his bed chewing on whatever snack he had taken looking thoughtful. "Cas." He sat on the edge of the bed not sure of Castiel's current mood. "Are you okay?"

The look Cas gave him made his stomach drop, pure heat and lust darkened the blue eyes. Dean felt warmth building in his stomach as he cursed he lack of control. "Dean." Cas' voice was low and deep as he pushed aside all his snacks crawling towards him with one single intention. "I can feel my hands again." Castiel using whatever strength he had pulled Dean on to the bed and straddled his hips. "Cas this is wrong." He tried to ignore the feel of Castiel's velvet hot tongue against his skin. "Why? I know you want it." He felt a hand slide down his stomach towards his jeans, a single movement of Castiel's hips made him groan. "I do, but not like this." He flipped them over so Castiel was underneath him, Dean pinned both of his hands above his head but that did not stop the constant deliberate shifts of Cas' hips. It took every inch of his will power to resist the eyes staring up at him, the feel of hipbones moving against his groin. "Am I too damaged for you Dean?" Cas' voice had deepened as he sent another direct rub of his hip. "Am I too broken? Or innocent?"

With his mouth dry and eyes closed Dean took a single breath in. "None of those things Cas, it's just I would prefer you to be sober and not half baked." Cas managed to wriggle out of Dean's grasp his hands running over Dean's back, he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck pulling him forward whispering in his ear. "Give me half an hour and I'll be back to my normal self." He heard the smirk in Cas' voice as he shuddered at the contact of his tongue against his skin. "I promise."

**A/N: Extra long chapter for all you amazing people who I love and adore!  
>Also: Just to clear up any confusion about the last chapter - It all happened before Dean got back. Being me I never thought about making that clear so I apologise for that ... I suppose that's what I get for being a nocturnal writer right? :P Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. And please review and thank you for the previous reviews for ALL THE CHAPTERS! You guys are AWESOME! :D<strong>


	25. Chapter 25: Rejection

_Dean closed his eyes as Castiel's words vibrated in his mind over and over, the sound of the voice made his blood boil hotter than he could ever remember. Castiel watched his eyes taking in the mental struggle going on in Dean's head. "I want you Dean." Using all his body weight Castiel pushed Dean on to his back once again straddling his hips. "And something tells me that you want me." He grinned running his hand down Dean's chest, stomach and finally stopping on his belt. "Cas no." Dean grabbed Cas roughly once again changing their position. "You're right, I do want you but not like this." _

The look of rejection in Cas' eyes still haunted Dean as he walked through the school halls, it was the deep into the week back and the gossip about Cas' family and past had finally died down since something juicier had turned up. Stories Dean only heard snippets about filled the halls, small crowds gathered together. He was not one to listen in but hell even he couldn't resist, apparently Lisa had gotten into trouble during the New Years Eve celebrations and had had to spend an entire night in a jail cell to sober up. Now Miss Popularity had not gone quietly and it seemed the people present at the time were avoiding her like the plague. Dean couldn't help but think she deserved it; after all she could dish out the crap but couldn't take it. He smirked a little at the thought while pushing it aside when he saw Chuck for the first time since school started up. "Hey man good Christmas?" Chuck half-heartedly laughed. "It could've been better, yours?" Dean bit his lip while nodding. "Better than most, hey have you seen Cas?" he knew Cas and Chuck were friends but he spotted the worry on Chuck's face. "Yeah, I've seen him Dean I'm worried. I heard Castiel got hurt but… the person I saw him with makes me nervous."

As the day progressed Dean spent nearly every lesson barely listening to what his teachers were saying, occasionally he would listen and take note of something if they caught him out. But after what Chuck had said about the person he had saw Cas with, hell he was worried. He felt his phone buzz silently in his pocket as soon as he had finished reading the message, his hand shot up getting his teacher's attention. "Yes Mr. Winchester, what is it?" he could think of so many lies he could tell but from what the message had said, he would a hell of a lot of time. "I'm not feeling good, can I go to the Nurse?"

Dean had ran through the empty corridor he pushed open the door to find Chuck and Cas. "Chuck what the hell happened?" Chuck was sitting next to Cas whose face was pale and sweaty. "I don't know! I just came in here and found him… I didn't know what to do!" Dean clapped Chuck on the shoulder. "Don't start panicking."

With Chuck's help Dean checked Cas over as he leaned in the strong smell of alcohol hit him, he lightly tapped Castiel's face to wake him up. "Cas! Have you taken anything?" Castiel moaned in protest as he fell on his side, his eyes closed, he pulled Cas back into an upright position shaking him slightly. "You can sleep in a minute, but I need to know have you taken anything else?" half unfocused Cas shook his head. "No…sleep."

"Should I get the Nurse?" Dean looked from Cas to Chuck. "Hell no, he'll probably be kicked out of school for this." Dean stood pacing around scrubbing a hand over his face. "Son of a bitch. We need to get him out of school without anyone seeing." He took out his car keys and passed them to Chuck. "Go find my car and bring it round to the back of the Gym." As soon as Chuck left, Dean hauled Cas up who protested at the movement checking the corridor twice as they stumbled out.

Dean had done some stupid things in his time but sneaking out a drunken student was definitely on the top of his list, how the hell would he be able to explain this if a teacher caught him? God knows what he would've done if Chuck was caught out of class as well.

He sat beside Cas whose head was leaning on his shoulder as Chuck arrived with his car, he silently thanked whoever had put the thought of driving to school rather than walking, because explaining dragging a comatose student down roads would be awkward if anyone asked. "What do I do if people start asking where you've gone?" Chuck glanced nervously at Cas who was sleeping his head against the car window. "Has Cas been to any of his lessons?" Chuck shook his head. "So teachers don't know if he's even here, okay if anyone asks say I've gone home sick don't worry dude I'll take the brunt once they've found out about me ditching. Go and don't tell anyone about this and if you see Sammy tell him I'll pick him up after school."

It probably took Castiel only minutes to realise he was not at school, home or even in his own bed. He had spent a lot of time in his bed, he knew the feeling on the mattress and covers and the scents that stuck the fabric. Yet this bed was different in feeling and smells. He wanted to open his eyes but instead he rolled over groaning, as nausea took over as well as someone hard and warm, without opening his eyes he took in the scent. "Dean?" he felt someone he hoped was Dean pulling him up and closer to his body, Castiel's cold fingers curled around the t-shirt searching for comfort. "Yeah I'm here Cas." Castiel burrowed his head into Dean's shoulder swallowing back the acid his body was trying to dispel. "How did I get here?" his throat sore and dry he heard a click of something against glass and whatever it was, was placed against his mouth. "It's ice, it'll help."

He passed in and out of consciousness and without even needing to speak, Dean was there placing the refreshing coldness of ice against his lips. "Feeling better?" he had yet to open his eyes scared of what he might see so to keep the moment he groaned and looked for comfort. "C'mon Cas you're gonna have to look at me sooner or later." Eventually he opened his eyes, darting around taking in his current location. "How did I get here?" he vaguely remembered asking the question before passing out. "Chuck found you in the boys toilets. Cas what happened?" Dean did not look angry or disappointed just… sad. The look made his eyes heat up with tears; he covered his eyes and face with his arms. "You rejected me." The truth hurt, his voice cracked with the pressure. "What?" he felt Dean trying to pull his arms away. Cas turned suddenly hiding his face into the pillow he could not face him at all. "Cas if we're going to talk about this, I want to see your face." It took a moment as Cas sat up slowly trying to avoid his head and stomach from spinning sickeningly. "Am I not what you want Dean?" tears slid hot and heavy down Castiel's face falling on his hands. He looked into Dean's eyes for answers anything… comfort, understand but he saw nothing. "Cas I didn't reject you because I didn't want you." Dean took Cas' face in his hands. "I do not understand." His brain fuzzy he tried to understand, Dean lifted his face as he stared into the green orbs. "I don't want drunk Cas or baked Cas. I want _you_, you whose socially awkward, shy and deeply thoughtful. And if that means having the added baggage and Gabriel included than fair enough because I want the whole package. Baggage and all."

He sat stunned as Dean leaned in gently pressing a kiss on his lips, he was aware of the taste in his mouth but thankfully Dean did not seem to care, it was almost like Dean was reacquainting himself with Castiel's mouth as his tongue slid across the crease before dipping in. He allowed Dean to lower him on to the bed relishing the weight of his body trying to memorise the feeling as a hand slid up his thigh and under his shirt searching for flesh to touch. He stiffened immediately as panic set in. "No!"

**A/N: I wrote this as a review for a fanficton and it's definitely applies here... Argh! Cliff Hangers my mortal enemy!  
>Although atleast I have something to work from for the next chapter... Maybe it's about time for Dean to see the extent of what Cas' Dad did to him? And yes that is basically a spoiler but it'll keep you on your toes right?<br>**

**Will update usual time or maybe earlier who knows... :) **


	26. Chapter 26: Scars

Castiel scrambled off the bed straightening his shirt as Dean looked on in confusion. "I-I c-cannot let you t-touch my skin." He shuddered as if the actual thought of another person physically touching and feeling the past reminders made him want to be sick. Dean had not once moved he stayed still, he only moved his head to glance at the clock. "I need to go pick up Sammy, stay here alright?" Castiel moved back until he felt the wall as Dean picked up his jacket and shoes. "I won't be long."

As soon as Dean left Castiel gave himself a moment to calm down, so many different thoughts and emotions came to the surface. Some were stronger then others.

He wanted Dean so much he wanted to feel the warmth only another human being could give him, he wanted to held and kissed but only thing held him back.

"_Where is he!" Castiel curled tighter into a ball under his bed as his Father's voice echoed throughout the entire house. He knew already his Father had been drinking; Gabriel's departure had angered him to the point where he had regularly beaten Castiel for any reason. He swallowed, terrified trying to hold back his sobs when his door crashed open. Holding his breath he saw his Father's feet move around his room whenever he got to close Castiel instinctively moved back quietly closed to the wall. "Michael! Have you found him yet?" why his Brother was helping the mad man he did not know, he knew his Siblings blamed him for their Mother's death but to the extent of sometimes being present for the beatings made his heart clench painfully. _

_He remembered Gabriel telling him to always follow his gut; it was some of the last words before he left. "Remember Little Brother, if whenever you feel scared hide okay? Hide anywhere under your bed, wardrobe or on the roof and whatever you do, do not leave that place until your gut says it's safe." _

_Castiel followed Gabriel's words to the tee as the tightness in his stomach slowly uncurled and he crawled out of his hiding place. He moved carefully and so cautiously expecting the unexpected not knowing what or who could be lurking around the corner, he opened his door peeking out to see the hallway clear, on his tiptoes moved to Gabriel's old room seeking the comfort of whatever was left. After Gabriel's departure his Father had taken his frustrations out on the room but out of all the rooms… "There you are Castiel." _

At the memory Castiel still shuddered, Michael had found him there was no remorse only coldness on his face and his voice matched. He had taken Castiel by the shoulder his fingers digging into his shoulder and frog marched him to his Father's study. The stink of alcohol was strongly present sometimes he could still smell it like it was burnt into his senses, even his own skin from the alcohol he had drank reminded him. Castiel sat on the bed as the memory continued.

"_Where was he?" his Father had grunted finishing whatever was his glass and he tried to pull free from Michael. "Gabriel's room." His Father snorted in disgust at the name of his AWOL son. "The Coward and Abomination close? Who would have thought that was even possible." Castiel shrank back in fear as his Father finally put his glass down his eyes dark and dangerous, he came around his desk as Michael closed the Study Door with a snap. "Take his shirt off and hold him." _

His nails dug into his arm as his brain remembered the pain inflicted by his Father, his own cried echoing in his ears. He could remember he had barely slept the few nights after the beating his Father inflicted on him. His back ripped open and bloody any movement would reopen the wounds making blood leak down in his back. What made it worse was his Father would use his belt as a regular basis by the time his Father became bored of that method Castiel's back was in ribbons.

Hearing voices below brought Castiel back as he panicked a little he instinctively wanted to hide as Dean and Sam's voice became clearer. "Sammy, why I ditched doesn't matter!" was that Dean's way of protecting him from curiosity of others? "That's not the point, Dad will be furious he's still angry for you disappearing and leaving me." He heard Dean sigh. I mean why don't you just tell Dad why you left? cos even I know it involved Cas. I'm not stupid." He heard a chuckle. "I know you're not Sammy, and I am sorry for leaving you behind but I really need to sort some stuff out. If Dad calls I'm not in okay?"

Between hearing the conversation between the Brothers, Castiel had crawled back on to the bed using a pillow as a comfort. When Dean finally opened his door and saw him he looked relieved. "I thought you would've left." He took off his jacket his eyes not budging from Castiel's prone form hugging the pillow like a lifeline. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Castiel shook his head halfway stopping to nod, his lips twitching while he repressed the emotion of the memory that had just passed; he took a breath the oxygen hurting his tight throat. He could not tell Dean but he could show him. Putting the pillow aside he got off the bed closed his eyes and pulled off his shirt. "Dean what are you-?" he turned allowing Dean to see the physical fragments of his past.

"My Father did not just use his fist to punish me." His voice hitched a fraction as he stopped himself from flinching when Dean touched what was left off his back. Scars ran thick and deeply into the skin. "Cas I'm so sorry you had to go through that." Castiel turned tears slowly sliding down his face. "You do not need to apologise, it was not your fault. My Father is a very sick man, sick with grief." Castiel felt naked allowing Dean to see him completely for once. He looked down a moment taking in his own pale body, the bruises from the attack slowly healing and disappearing. "Those bruises are from the attack?" he nodded as he rubbed them self-consciously. "And you don't remember anything?" he sat on the bed picking up the pillow for comfort. "It was dark I remember the voices but that is all."

**A/N: To quote a review: Pompous Dandy: 'Time for everything to come out. He can't heal if the poison is still in the wounds.'  
>Wise and very accurate words indeed. Update soon, thanks for reading. <strong>


	27. Chapter 27: Distractions

_Both boys sat in silence staring at each other's as if they were both trying to decide if one knew more than he was letting on. "What did the voices sound like?" Castiel ran his fingers through his hair making it stand on end. "I can't really remember, they whispered but if I heard them again I would recognise them straight away, I am positive that one was a girl but it is very fuzzy." Dean's fingers replaced Castiel's as he gently stroked the messy hair, taking a profound interest in the softness. "I just noticed something Cas, you're not as formal as you use to be." Castiel almost half shrugged. "I do not find it necessary considering what I have done in the past couple weeks. Even Gabriel has said I need to," he mimicked air quotations. "Relax" a small laugh slipped past Dean's lips. "Maybe a little but don't over do it okay?" _

Weeks Later

"Alright Cas! I'm going to do it!" Gabriel charged into the Kitchen for the first time in a long time he looked refreshed and almost back to his normal self. "I've just heard you got wasted at school! You're grounded!" the cereal on Castiel's spoon fell on to the table and he froze. "Dare I ask how you found out?" there was a glint of something in his Brother's eyes. "Need to know basis, I know and you don't need to." Castiel could understand that at some point Gabriel would eventually hear about his bender in his school and he had feeling it may have been Jo who had accidently let slip, or someone had but honestly Castiel did not really mind. Gabriel was happy he was sober and staying away from pot and hard alcohol but that of course did not stop him from fussing about the attack, something Castiel had not spoken to him about. _Yet._ He intended to but was waiting for the right time. He was about to clean away his breakfast bowl when Gabriel stopped. "Where do you think you're going? Sit your butt down, we need to talk about the drinking in school."

Gabriel sat in his usual stop his arms crossed waiting for Castiel to start explaining yet he was not entirely sure of how to. "How about we start with why?" _trust Gabriel to find a way. _"Dean… he rejected me." He shifted uncomfortably. "What do you mean?" he felt his neck heat up, the last thing he wanted to tell his Brother was something about his 'love life'. "I may have been a bit forward while high." Castiel being Castiel chose his words carefully but still blushed. "I see so after Dean rejected stoned Cas you decided to go on a bender? So what happened after that?"

"This is awkward." Castiel murmured, as the conversation slowly got more difficult. "Suck it up I want to know what happened."

"According to Dean, Chuck found me in the boys toilets and Dean snuck me out so I could sober up." He bit down the urge to run and hide only he knew Gabriel was probably waiting for him to do that. "Run and I'll double your sentence." For once he knew his Brother was being serious but he knew Gabriel was just being overprotective due to what had happened in the recent months and who could blame him. "When I came round I also… explained my reasons for drinking and, do I have to tell you? It is personal." Gabriel tapped his fingers. "Summarise it then."

"Dean prefers me and the other Cas', and I… showed him my back." The tapping stopped in a stunned silence. "You trust him don't you?" he only nodded his answer. "That's progress you know, finding trust in another person other then me. So how did he take it?" Castiel could remember the feeling of Dean touching his back. "He was remorseful but I in turn said that our Father is a sick man."

_Lawrence Bus Service Connection Route_

_Raphael stood in the bus station his eyes flickering around as he took a picture of his Little Demon Brother. "Have you seen this boy?" the woman at the counter took the photo and stared at it for a moment. "He seems familiar but I see a lot of people come through his everyday." Taking the photo from the woman he placed it in his breast pocket for safekeeping. "He may have been injured particularly on his face, and would have avoided large crowded areas." _

"_I'm sorry sir, but like I said before I've seen a lot of people come through here on a regular basis and after a bit, they all look the same." _

With a little persuasion Castiel had managed to coerce Gabriel into agreeing to give him a curfew mainly because Castiel had mentioned that it could be 'particularly unhealthy' for him to spend an extended amount of time inside a house due to his restrictions placed upon him.

Castiel soon found school becoming tedious mainly due to whenever he passed or saw Lisa and Gordon a terrible feeling filled his stomach, whenever either of them moved his flinched his muscles wanting to move away. Dean had picked up on the behaviour and without Castiel's knowledge kept a close eye on Lisa and Gordon because something did not feel right. "Dean I do not think this is necessary." Castiel found himself in Dean's room lying on his bed, it soon became apparent Dean's hands and fingers had become very attached to Castiel's skin. "Cas you're stressed I can tell." It had took time yet Castiel finally became more comfortable with the concept of allowing Dean touch his skin and in particular his back. "I've seen how you react when you see Gordon, are you afraid of him?" Dean gently kneaded the muscles of Cas' shoulder blades and neck. "Something about him is familiar, it is his eyes it feels like he is always watching me." A shudder ran through his body. "The way he spoke… I don't know Dean." He closed his eyes briefly. "The Doctors believe the concussion I received caused some memory loss, or I have repressed it." He felt Dean's hands slid down his back, fingers fanning out stroking the scars. "Have you spoken to the Cops?" Castiel turned on to his back, resulting in Dean straddling his hips. "No and I would rather avoid the inquiry, what good is a statement about voices and eyes. Hardly the proof they need to convict." His stomach tightened a fraction as Dean's hands stroke the exposed skin his eyes darkening as he took in the pale flesh. "That is very distracting Dean."

Castiel was in mid answer as Dean captured his lips. "Oh yeah so is it helping?"

**A/N: I thought it best to have a more light hearted/cute chapter. Plus we need to make sure Gabriel is okay! Can't forget awesome Big Brother :)  
>Ha! Oh yeah. Follow me on Twitter: Jess_s19. Thinking about using it for updates for stories and stuff. Since I almost lost my update marathon due to my Older Brother insisting on half fixing my laptop but all is well now hopefully.<br>That is to be determined though. Haha! Update soon :) Thanks for the reviews! **


	28. Chapter 28: Strays

Castiel found himself alone in the house the following day, Gabriel had a meeting to attend to and Dean was with his Uncle Bobby finding parts for the Impala, he lay on the sofa staring blankly his brain filled mostly with boredom and of how much he missed Dean. They practically spent the majority of their time together but it always seemed cut short due to Gabriel's curfew with of course Gabriel had no intention of lifting. Castiel sighed closing his eyes until a small sound caught his attention.

He sat up immediately as he listened out for the sound, a barely there meow pinpricked the air as Castiel followed it to the back door. He opened the door to find a small black ball of fluff lying on the floor. He kneeled down poking it gently, which in turn quivered, big blue eyes opened and stared up at him. "A kitten?" Castiel sat down crossing his legs staring into the eyes that were eerily familiar to his. For some reason Castiel continued to stare at the kitten unable to make much sense of why they seemed so curious as each other. He slowly moved a hand towards it stroking the fur to find it soft but worryingly skinny underneath the mat of fur.

"Cas! What are you doing? Close the door you're letting all the heat out." Gabriel's voice made him jump as well as the kitten that now had taken its place in Castiel's palm. "I found a kitten." Castiel cradled the ball of fluff close to his chest as he got up and turned, Gabriel stared at his Brother and than the kitten. "Well we'll take it to shelter, we can't keep it who's going to look after it?" instinctively Castiel shielded the kitten from his Brother gaze, while glaring at him for referring the kitten as 'it'. "I will look after him." Gabriel shook his head putting his paperwork on the table. "Cas, animals are expensive you can't afford the vet bills, toys, food heck the thing will need a bed too."

"Those are just the essentials for him, please Gabriel. We seem to have gotten very attached to each other."

Gabriel being Gabriel eventually gave into his Brother's pestering about keeping the kitten. "Gabriel it would be nice to have company when you are not here and Dean's away. Please, I swear I will look after him I promise!"

Gabriel sat down exhausted. "Okay but if he pees anywhere you'll be cleaning it up, that includes the litter tray. There's no way I'm going near that thing." A pure smile of happiness took its place on Castiel's face as he lifted the ball of fluff towards Gabriel. "Thank you! I promise, you won't have to do a single thing." He smiled just as the kitten let out a small sneeze. "Yeah except pay for the vet bills, food and other essentials."

"Well are you going to name him?" Castiel stood with Gabriel as the local vet checked the kitten over, taking his temperature as giving him all the necessary shots for his age. "Anything but Sir Fluffy Paws." Gabriel muttered under his breath and flinched as Castiel jabbed his elbow into his ribs. "No, he needs a better name." He stared for a moment stroking the small ears; the minuet purring could be heard if you listened carefully enough. "Jimmy. What do you think Gabriel?" Gabriel through the entire process tried to show lack of interest but even he could not resist Castiel's enthusiasm towards the small feline. "Jimmy Novak? Well it does have a ring to it." He reached out and rubbed the feline's ear between his thumb and index fingers. "Well, I guess it's official now. Welcome to the family Jimmy."

**A/N: I mainly wrote this for tribute to my Brother's cat who was involved in a car related accident and for my cat also who I lost in the same manner a year or so ago.  
>Plus a cute little kitty will be perfect to make Dean jealous when Cas is ignoring him<br>**


	29. Chapter 29: Need

Castiel stood near his locker waiting for Dean to come out of his class he could not help but feel a little disappointed from the lack of lessons they had together but recent events that had unfolded, Castiel found himself daydreaming and thinking about Dean a lot more than he should and it soon became a distraction. Not that was a bad thing, since he could use all the distraction possible. He had this feeling someone was watching him, whether it was paranoia or just hyped up awareness of those around him, the feeling never once budged. "Angel boy!" out of habit he flinched as a voice can from behind him, he moved away. "Gordon." The single word came out curt. "Watch your tone Angel boy, you never know who might be watching." He emphasised the last word by slamming his hand on the locker, blocking all routes of escape. His head pounded painfully as each sense became more acute as he stared into the cold dark eyes a pinch in his head darkened his sight. He knew those eyes! He knew that scent! His stomach heaved as too much information had appeared and became difficult to process. "Get away from me!" with all the strength he could summon, Castiel pushed Gordon out of his space. "Stay away from me." He glanced back only once as he ran, the pounding in his head becoming worse and realisation set in.

"_And here I thought the freak didn't remember our little party." Lisa who had been watching the entire engagement appeared a smirk on her lips. "It's so good to see him squirm." Gordon turned to Lisa his face somewhat worried. "You do realise if he remembers, he could report us right?" Lisa clucked her tongue thoughtfully. "He remembered you Gordon, not me." _

All he could do was run, and that was what he did he ran from school and home never once stopping. He eyes hurt from the pounding in his head and tears building up, whenever he felt this kind of panic the need for the high bit at his nerve ending. All logic went out the window as he knew what he needed what he wanted, as usual he was greeted at the door by Jimmy without barely stopping scooped him up and took him up stairs. Taking two steps at a time Castiel took the straight line to his bedroom, he put Jimmy on the bed, his big blue eyes watching as Castiel dug around pulling a box out from under his bed. In the middle of the box lay a bag with silver inside it; he had often questioned himself why he still had the pot. He knew Gabriel would raise Hell if he found out that the drug was still under his roof yet he could not bring himself to destroy it. _I mean what harm could it do? You need it. _He tried to ignore the inner voice whispering in his ear, egging him on it would take him minutes to roll a spliff and it was that 15 minutes of peace smoking it. _I do but what about Dean and Gabriel? _He argued back as he stared intently at the box as Jimmy kneaded his knee for attention, still staring his stroke the black fur with two fingers. _Who cares! Just do it! _Jimmy's purrs broke through but it was not enough to distract him as he reached for the filter paper.

"Cas? What are you doing?" his hand shot away from the box, he saw Dean standing in his doorway. "Don't do it." Castiel's lips quivered he barely heard Dean moved and he sat beside him. "I need it Dean, my head hurts so much I don't want the pain." Castiel dug his fingers into his skull as the pounding continued. "Did something happen?" Castiel's eyes were still glued on the box intently as his fingers itched to pick up the bag. "I…I think Gordon attacked me, his eyes are so familiar. Cold and dark, he cornered me at school. T-t-there was so much about him as than the pounding. Dean please I need it!"

"No Cas you just think you do." He placed both his hands on Castiel's face, his fingers rubbing his temples. "Just breathe in deeply and calm down it'll be okay." Each breath Castiel took in came out as a sob he throat getting tighter. "There is something else we can try." Even through the blurred vision Castiel could see Dean's eyes darken dramatically, his breathing almost stopped altogether. It was that look again pure heated lust as if in Dean's mind the bare suggest of what he was thinking made him want Castiel no matter his current condition. "I don't want to force you but…" he closed the box with a snap and moving it aside. "Before I do this I need your consent, I want no regret because Cas. I can't stop thinking about you." In a gasp Dean swooped taking Castiel's mouth in a deep kiss his tongue exploring Castiel's mouth deeply tasting and occasionally pulling back to nip and lick the lips which now glistened with their shared saliva, Castiel made a sound of protest when Dean moved away he watched his breathing hard and deep as Dean picked up Jimmy. "As much as I like your cat Cas, I wouldn't want to expose him at such a young age." Jimmy meows and scratches of protest could be heard behind the closed door as Dean set his sights on Castiel.

Dean pulled Cas' shirt off exposing the smooth skin of his stomach, his mind filled with all of what he could do to Cas. He placed his lips on Castiel's collarbone kissing the nipping, taking in the sounds made slowly and carefully as if Cas was made of glass. Dean explored every inch of the smooth skin. Tasting every inch, feel the skin heat up under his tongue.

Slowly he ran his tongue down Castiel's abdomen he paid special attention to the belly button nipping the edges as his fingers stroked the hipbones. Whenever Dean had seen those hipbones it never ceased to amaze him how beautiful they were, he had fantasied about how they would feel when he touched them or kissed them. Even better to how Cas would react, something he would soon find out.

Dean moved lower popping the button of Cas' jeans he traced his tongue from one hipbone to the other, hearing Castiel's moans that mixed in with the sound of his zipper sliding down. Dean finally lifted his head, Cas' face flushed and lips swollen. "Ready Cas?" the blue eyes matched the night sea as he nodded. In one single lift of his hips Dean pulled Cas' jean and underwear off. Finally Castiel lay bare to Dean's eyes.

Instinctively Castiel moved back as Dean gripped in his hips keeping in place, he stared at Cas' hardness a single bead of liquid leaked out the tip. "Dean." The name was breathed as he placed his lips against the shaft he ran his tongue until tasting the liquid slowly oozing from the tip. The taste itself was nearly as addictive as Castiel's skin; Dean's thumbs circled the flesh on the stunning hips as he took Castiel into his mouth. Castiel's fingertips dug into Dean's hair as he sucked the throbbing tip and like previously paid very special attention laving the small slit; Castiel small cries egged him on as his quivering hips lifted forcing his hardness further into Dean's mouth.

He felt the tightness grow in his groin as Dean continued to switch from strong sucking to soft licking, his body heated up to the point where it could be glassed as dangerous. "Dean! W-wait!" Castiel thrashed as something unravelled, he covered his mouth trying to hide the sound of his moans only one of Dean's hands slid from its place at his hip. Their fingers threaded together as Castiel's hips lifted, his back arched and vision blacked out.

Dean lifted his head swallowing the sweet nectar of Cas' essence he moved the lax form holding him close. Even as Cas started to come round Dean's fingers moved in small circular. He looked down to see a bright red flush crawl on Cas' neck to his cheeks. "Feeling better?" wanting to hide himself from the embarrassment Castiel hid his face in Dean's side; he closed his eyes tightly and nodded his head.

**A/N: Umm... I'll just leave you to your thoughts... **


	30. Chapter 30: Contact

Castiel tried to process what exactly had happened so much was going through his mind, Dean's mouth the hot wetness all over his body like he was placing his mark on him. An invisible mark that only he knew about. "Cas, your gonna have to look at me at some point." He was curled underneath his duvet his head underneath the pillow, what could one possibly say in that kind of situation, Dean fingers slid across the bare flesh when he pulled back the cover. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about." Castiel tried to respond as he face flooded with heat again. "When you're in a relationship you tend to try and help out your partner when they're stressed." At those words Castiel sat up placing the pillow on his lap. He sat naked his skin damp and clinging on to the scent of Dean. "A relationship?" Dean's eyebrows shot up at his words. "Yeah a relationship, what did you think this is the same thing I had with Lisa?" honestly Castiel had rarely thought about it, of course Gabriel had hinted on the subject many times. "Lisa was just sex Cas, we were lonely and needed a release. Than I met up and everything changed." His face heated up at Dean's blunt honesty as he bit his lip. "I-I would not know what to do in a relationship."

Dean stroked Castiel's flushed cheeks. "Don't worry you've been doing pretty well."

His mouth opened and closed several times not sure what to say as he thought back at the amount of time they had spent together. "We'll take it slow one step at a time, that seems to be working for us right?" he resisted the urge to hid under his duvet again as more redness spread across his face. "And Cas I can assure you we'll burn the embarrassment out of you, that I can guarantee." The look in Dean's eyes finalised the promise as he soon felt the need to cover up trying to hide his body as much as possible he reached for the nearest clothes, pulling them on hastily. When he looked back at Dean, he almost looked disappointed to see the pale skin being covered. "The clothing or lack of ratio is a bit unfair." He nodded to Dean who was still wearing his jacket. "If you wanted me to strip all you had to do was ask Cas." His face yet again flushed red, as Dean took off his jacket and boots. "Are you going to be okay?" Castiel waited for Dean to reply as he settled himself on the bed again. "What do you mean?" Cas stood as Jimmy started making a racket from being ignored to long, he opened the door picking up the cat before sitting on the bed stroking the fur. He cleared his throat and indicted towards Dean's jeans. "Ah I'll be fine Cas, don't you worry your face is practically burnt into my brain gives me something to think about later."

"_Raphael have you found them yet?" Raphael was at yet another bus station in the possible areas Castiel may have used for a route. "Not yet Father but I believe he maybe in the Kansas area, a woman was able to positively identify him but they have no record of any transactions under his name since he had paid by cash." His Father made a disgruntled sound. "Search the Kansas area if you need too, every town. Don't fail me now Raphael." _

Unaware of what was happening many miles away, Castiel slept deeply in Dean's arms with Jimmy between them. For once he had no niggling feeling of doubt or worry of what could possibly be going on…

Downstairs Gabriel sat in the dark the phone glued to his ear. "What do you mean?" he listened to the other person for a moment. "How long has it been going on for?" the feeling of dread filled his body as his feelings where finally confirmed. "Is it possible he may know where we are?" he ran his fingers through his hair. "No, no it's fine thank you Joshua for ringing me. If you hear anything else keep me updated okay. There has to be a way of making sure Raphael doesn't find us."

_Lisa tapped her fingers against her chin thoughtfully as she entered yet another number into her phone, she had underestimated how many people were out there truly were in America with the name 'Novak' but Pontiac, Illinois was the place she had found information about the Freak's family. As the phone rang she had half expected yet another answer machine. "Raphael, have you found him yet?" her breath caught in her throat. She knew he had a Brother called Raphael since it was in the paper online "No, but is this Lucas Novak?" she was waiting for another to put the phone down but instead she got a different attitude. "It is. Who might I ask whose calling?" _

"_You don't need to know that Mr. Novak but I have information about your sons Castiel and Gabriel and I know where they are as well." _

It was later on in the day as Castiel sat in Church he had not been for a while and felt a little guilt. He had asked if Gabriel would have like to join him but surprisingly Gabriel had said no. "You seem lost my Son." He jumped as the local priest sat beside him. "I am fine Father, I just came here to catch up."

Castiel and the Priest sat in silence. "Father, do you think God discriminates between whom you can and cannot love?" the Priest stared at him curiously. "Why do you ask?" Castiel shrugged his shoulder not wanting to go into much detail. "I am just wondering, call it curiosity. But can God truly control who the heart desires?"

"Desire is a powerful feeling the only person who can object or accept is you my son. Although that question can only be answered by the person who asked it."

Castiel felt like he was spilt in two, one side knew he had the desire for Dean. He cared… could almost say loved Dean yet the side which his Father had drummed into his brain for most his childhood and teenage years spoke of punishment for breaking the commandments of God. That side overpowered him. Would God punish him and Dean for their relationships? Would it be impossible for God to accept and let Castiel live his life free from fear and worry?

A conflict of interest part of him feared the repercussions of his actions yet he remembered Gabriel's words: _This God should be accepting you for your choices because in the end you're still His creation but instead of following His rules you're making up your own and following your heart."_

**A/N: I'm sort of branching out different plots and twists but I thought it would be interesting bringing back Castiel's Faith because in a way he still believes in God ish... Kinda not like proper full on. **

**Enjoy and tell me your thoughts :) and oh yes... Lisa is still a... Super Freak, she's a Super Freak. That hasn't changed at all!**


	31. Chapter 31: Desire

Castiel stared at the words in his book as he tried to make heads and tails of it, nothing seemed to have much sense these days not since Dean had introduced him into the world of Sex. Although they had not 'gone all the way' as some put it he always felt on slight edge never to sure what might happen next with Dean. Not that he regretted it, how could he? The feelings were unbelievable and half the time he yearned for him but… he was too shy to ask. _Do people normally ask? Or does it just happen? _Sure he had considered asking Gabriel but before he had even let the words out he stopped. Did he honestly want his Brother to know about what he and Dean were up too? _No, that would be awkward. _If he knew Gabriel whom he did very well his Brother would never give him peace, not to mention he had quite lifted the curfew. Finally Castiel closed the book the sound making Jimmy jump in his lap; the cat's blue eyes stared at him as if he was annoyed for being woken up. "It is all very confusing." He murmured to Jimmy while stroking his fur feeling the vibrations of purring against his fingers.

What amazed Castiel was how much time he spent reliving the intimate moments with Dean, he could be walking through the corridors of school and glance at the Janitor's cupboard so many vivid images flashed into his mind at the possibilities. He would find himself standing staring at the door his mouth dry and body hot. "Hey Cas, what's on your mind?" an arm slid around his waist, a burning breath on his neck as per usual Dean sneaked up on him like a ninja. "You should stop doing that." He murmured his eyes flickering around to make sure no one was watching. "Don't be so paranoid, Cas. No one can see us." He turned Castiel around pushing him against the wall. "I've missed you."

His reply was lost in his throat as he gnawed on his lip, he had not quite mastered telling Dean he missed him. Deep down he was afraid of ever telling Dean what he was always thinking about. He felt Dean's hands sneak under his shirt his thumbs rubbing his hips. "I wish you'd stop abusing your lip." He pressed his lips to the exposed skin of Castiel's neck kissing the sensitive area under his ear. "Are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?" between asking the question and the affection to his skin, Dean's fingers had popped the button of his jeans and the zip. He slid his hand inside finding the unique heat and wetness. "Oh I see."

He felt a grin against his skin as Dean's fingers thumb rubbed Castiel's underwear against his hardness causing friction. A small sound escaped Castiel's mouth as he pressed himself against Dean. "What brought this on?" Dean whispered into Cas' ear as he fought and won seeking out the bare hardness his fingers wrapping around it, a slight tug made Castiel's shudder. "Don't be embarrassed, c'mon tell me Cas." His fingers curled into Dean's jacket his face hidden and eyes closed. Dean's fingers wrapped around him as he tried to speak but it was impossible as Dean pumped him while biting his neck and sucking. "I-I c-can't!" he gasped while his groin tightened against his will, he stifled his cry into Dean's jacket as he came into his hand.

Once Dean removed his hand Cas slid to the floor trying to catch his breath and avoiding Dean's eyes as he moved around to clean himself up. He could not believe they had done that in public where anyone could have walked around the corner.

Castiel found himself silent as they walked side by side to Castiel's house since the curfew still being in place, it was easier to dodge around it when Dean stayed with him. "I don't really like it when you're too quiet." Still not able to look Dean in the eyes, Castiel distracted himself with watching Jimmy stalk around his room. He felt fingertips on his face turning his head. "Cas you can tell me."

He licked his lips several times trying to organise the words in his head. "It is difficult to… to get used to the-" he broke off blushing as Dean filled the rest in. "Sex stuff, I get that Cas. Don't worry it'll be okay." Castiel shook his head. "No it will not, I enjoy it but-" something flashed across Dean's face which made Castiel worry. "But I am worried because I…" he blushed hardly able to get the words out. "I think about you all the time Dean." He whispered his eyes completely focused on his fingers. "I could be walking in the school halls and see a cupboard," he broke off picking up a pillow and hiding his face it. "Or even on the street."

Dean was stunned with Castiel's somewhat awkward confession and he would be lying if he didn't admit he always had Cas on his mind because the scruffy dark hair and bright blue eyes always seemed to find their way into his train of thought. There was always something out there that reminded him of Castiel.

"Cas that's completely normal," he leaned in placing his lips on Castiel's ear. "If I told you some of the things I thought about God would probably smite me."

It took a moment but Cas finally turned his head. "Have you sinned enough for God to smite you?" his eyes serious at Dean's half joke. "Don't be so serious Cas, I've done a lot of things and I'm still walking."

Cas turned his back stubbornly at Dean. "It is not a joke to talking about God's ability to smite." He held out his hand as Jimmy. "How do we even know God accepts us?" Dean sat baffled, he knew vaguely that Castiel's Family were highly Religious but one thing he could barely understand, was why Castiel still believed in 'God' if he even existed. "Cas do you think what we do is wrong?"

"No… it is difficult to explain Dean." Dean pushed Castiel on his back and straddled his hips. "I heard doubt Cas, tell me what you're really thinking."

"I-I fear that if I love and desire you too much. God will take you away from me Dean."

**A/N: All I can say is: Nawww! Cas is adorable :D Plus confession of love? How will Dean react?**


	32. Chapter 32: Confession

_"I-I fear that if I love and desire you too much. God will take you away from me Dean."_

"Forgive me Father but I have sinned." Castiel murmured in the confession box, he closed his eyes tightly in the hopes of revelation. "Speak my Child." It had been a few days since Castiel had basically admitted he was in love with Dean and things seemed to have gone from the highest point of happiness to Hell, but of course not in the literal sense. With his hands clasp together Castiel took in a great shuddering breath. "I spoke my true feelings to the person I love." The Priest made a sound of interest as Castiel cringed. "I see so why do you believe yourself to have sinned?" Castiel covered his face with his hands. "The person I love is a man." The silence was brief which made Castiel less than steady stomach to twist. "I believe God is punishing me for my sins." Castiel's internal battle carried on: Heart VS Belief.

"What makes you say that?" the Priest himself seemed generally interested as he heard movement. "Father, the person I love has not spoken to me since I confessed my love for him."

"My Son confessing love is incredibly difficult regardless of who is it. There is a possibility he may not be ready for your love yet." Castiel stared wide-eyed for a moment. "But Father is it not a sin to lie with a man the same as a woman?"

"Castiel it is not a sin to fall in love."

Even as Castiel left the Church he could not help but feel even more confused, if God was not punishing him for his sins why was it Dean had not spoken to him. He walked his hands deep in his pockets as he tried to make sense. Maybe the Priest was right about Dean not being quite ready. From what he knew of Dean's past relationships none of them had been serious so in theory it was possible somebody expressing their true feelings of love could be far to overwhelming for them, and Dean needed space to process it. He walked past Ellen and Jo's bakery stopping only momentarily as he considered getting something for Gabriel it was at the same time he heard a familiar voice, his head turned automatically locating where the voice was coming from when he saw Dean. He was about to call out to him except he stopped when he saw Jo appear beside him.

What he saw tore at his heart when Dean wrapped an arm around Jo's shoulder who giggled in turn her head against his side. He knew they were close but hurt from seeing them together stopped all logic. "Oh what a shame." A scowl appeared on his face as Lisa's voice floated into his train of thoughts. "What do you mean?" she stood in the alleyway her lips smirking. "Oh nothing, the thing you should know about Dean is he'll never get serious." She sauntered towards Castiel her eyes filled with coldness. "Once you've confessed your love for him he'll move on. And it seems he already has. Too bad Freak, why not go back to Pontiac? I bet your Daddy Lucas misses you along with Raphael and Michael."

Lisa stepped closer filling the gap between them. "You can't hide from them Castiel, your Father and Brothers will find you." Castiel's blue eyes filled with fear at her words as she smiled in satisfaction. "Do us all a favour Freak leave Lawrence because Dean doesn't want you here and we don't want your Freak Families problems either."

_Dean hugged Jo affectionately unaware of what was happening only blocks away. "Jo, thanks for listening I really needed someone to talk to." She gushed while squealing happily. "I can't believe Cas told you he loved you, I can't imagine what he sees in you." Dean poked her playfully in the ribs, it had been strange couple days he had not seen Cas since leaving his house the morning after. Whenever he went around to his house Cas was never in and Gabriel had said he could wait but he had half expected to bump into him yet it never happened. "Sooo… Dean when are you going to tell Cas you love him?" Dean looked down at the blonde girl. "I dunno when the times right I suppose, he has a tendency to get pretty skittish I don't wanna scare him off." Jo snorted in a very unladylike fashion. "I'm surprised you didn't go running to the nearest hill to be honest. How many girls have confessed their love for you?" _

"_That's not the point I never felt what I feel with him. Like right now I miss him and just want to y'know hold him." Jo hugged him tightly. "Aw! It's so cute! Well go on then!" _

Castiel half fell through the door as he slipped in his panic to get away, Gabriel appeared holding Jimmy. "Whoa! What's happened?" without answering his question, Castiel ran upstairs to his room. He had to get away from Lawrence; he could not risk his Father finding him. He pulled out his bag from the closet as Gabriel walked into his room. "Cas! What are you doing?" again without answering he shoved stuff into his bag. "I have to get out of here."

His heart ached and tears filled his eyes, Gabriel watched his Brother's frantic movements he had never seen his Brother in such a frenzy of panic. "Do you mind telling me where you intend to go?" Castiel stopped his packing his whole body froze. "I will figure something out." Gabriel made a sound of disbelief as he grabbed Castiel, pulling him from his room and back downstairs and pushing him on to the sofa. "Sit your butt down and explain to me why you suddenly want leave."

Castiel pushed both his hands through his hair. "I confessed to Dean that I loved him." He licked his dry lips not particularly wanting to see Gabriel's reaction. "And I saw him in town with a girl." Gabriel rubbed his forehead. "Okay. What else has happened?" Cas automatically picked up a pillow hugging it close. "Is it possible Father and Raphael know where we are?" he looked at his Brother and saw a curious expression flit across Gabriel's face. "Why do you ask?" Castiel pounced as Gabriel's face became shadowed. "What do you know?" he threw aside the pillow, crossing his arms waiting. "Joshua, remember our Neighbour the one who gave you the letter with my address well he's been my eyes and ears. He's discovered that Raphael is searching for you. Why? Well we can answer that no problem because Dad ordered him too." Gabriel felt the panic rise in Castiel before he saw it, he grabbed his Little Brother forcing him to sit down. "Don't panic okay! There's no chance Raphael will be able to find us." Castiel body shook with fear. "You do not understand I think a girl may been in contact with Father." Gabriel shook his head. "That's impossible Cas, whenever I speak to Joshua he's always at home."

Castiel gripped Gabriel's shirt pulling him forward. "How many people here know Father's name or about Raphael and Michael?" something clicked as what Castiel was saying made Gabriel realise. "Son of a bitch, someone's been digging well I'll be damned." He rubbed his jaw. "Look Cas don't panic okay if anything happens I'll protect you."

He made to stand up but Gabriel pushed him back in the sofa. "Park your butt because we are not running away. We were here first and whatever happens we'll take it head on. Now tell me exactly what happened with Dean?"

"_Alright let's see." Dean murmured as he distracted himself with the Impala's engine it had been so long since he had last worked on her. "I'm sorry Baby I've been neglecting you." He stroked the car lovingly. "Dean are you here?" he tried to repress a scowl as a cold voice reached his ears. "Lisa." Her name came out curter then he had intended but she stood unfazed by his tone. "I just thought I'd tell you some interesting news." She flicked her hand examining her nails. "I've heard Castiel is planning on leaving Lawrence soon." Dean wiped his hands on the cloth in his pocket. "Yeah? And where did you hear that from?" she picked at her nails. "Straight from the horse's mouth after he saw you and Jo all cuddly on the street. I bet that broke his heart seeing that."_

"Are you sure you should trust this Lisa person?" Castiel half shrug his eyes red and puffy. "Don't you think it would be better to speak to Dean, I mean I've seen you two together and he doesn't seem like the kind of person to ditch and run because someone's confessed their love." As per usual Gabriel's logic made Castiel consider his actions, when Castiel did not answer Gabriel tried another tactic. "How about I go around to Dean's and ask him?" horror filled Castiel at the thought of involving himself in his life. "Absolutely not! I just need time to think if Dean comes round I am not in."

As soon as the words left his mouth the doorbell rang like a deer caught in headlights Castiel jumped to his feet and ran up to his room slamming his door. "Ah young love." Gabriel muttered as he answered the door, Dean stood there slightly out a breath. "Is it true?" he asked between pants, he leaned against the doorframe for support. "Is what true?" Gabriel asked politely keenly aware Castiel's door had opened and he was listening. "Is Cas leaving?"

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"Does it matter?" Dean replied as he clutched his side as a stitch pulled at his muscles. "Well yeah I guess it does, and for reference no Cas is not leaving." Gabriel watched as Dean visually sagged against the doorframe in relief. "Thank God I just need to speak to him about what he might've saw in town." Gabriel's smiled slyly making sure Dean didn't catch on. "You can come in and wait if you want, I'm sure Cas will turn up at some point." Dean straightened for a moment. "No it's fine. Tell Cas when you see him to call me and that I promise I will explain."

"Cas you do realise you're going to have to face him, I can't cover for you forever."

**A/N: Now would it be a bad thing if I made the Priest pro gay relationships? Because he seems pretty sound if I don't say so myself I will definitely give him a name soon and possibly expand his appearance in the fanfic. **

**And also - What's going to happen next? Update soon! :) Plus woohoo for reaching 100 reviews! Result! Thank you: Haven't Met My Angel Yet **


	33. Chapter 33: Unexpected

Dean sat in the front seat of the Impala mentally crossing his fingers in the hopes all the hard work he had put in would finally get the engine to turn over. "Now or never." He said softly under his breath as he turned the key, the engine spluttered several times before dying. "Son of a bitch!" he got out slamming the door in frustration, he leaned his head on the roof his eyes squeezed shut. "Umm Dean? Are you okay?"

"Yeah Sammy I'm fine," he glanced at the small clock inside the car. "Go back to bed." Sam made a small sound as he turned to see his Little Brother sitting stubbornly on the step. "It's difficult to sleep when you're shouting obscenities at your car. So what's the problem?" Dean moved around the Garage picking up random objects in the hopes they would distract him. "It's got something to do with Cas right?" just hearing the name made his heart clench. "Sammy, not for nothing but it's none of your business. Would you please go to bed?"

"Oh so it does have something to do with Cas." He turned to glare at his Little Brother whose arms were crossed and he waited. "Okay yes it does, now will you stop being such a smart ass and go to bed now?" Sam shook his head his eyes unblinking. "Not until you tell me what's up."

Dean picked up a cloth wiping his hands as he sat next to his Brother. "What have you heard about Cas?" Sam scratched his head for a moment. "Only stuff that he was beaten up in December, a bit of stoner and there's a rumour going around he got wasted at school."

"So all the bad stuff right?" Sam nodded as he opened his mouth to butt in before Dean could speak. "But I know he's a nice person so I don't listen to what people whisper about, I don't like gossip."

"Fair enough, so well me and Cas… we've been seeing each other." Sam's eyes narrowed. "As in 'seeing' or _'seeing'_." Dean snorted in disbelief at his Brother emphasis on the same word. "There's a difference?" Sam clicked his tongue. "Yep, seeing is like… what you and Lisa had. _Seeing _is serious dating."

"Sam you know that's not healthy for a guy to know that right?" Sam bottom lip jutted out insulted. "Don't be a jerk so which is it?"

"_Seeing._ And it's pretty serious." Dean watched as his Brother took the information in. "So you're gay now?"

Dean's eyebrows shot up as he heard the one word he had never considered. "I don't really know because I've never felt anything for a guy before. It's only Cas and probably will always be. I can't really imagine being with another guy."

"So Bi than?" he poked Sam in the ribs at his flippant use of labels. "Oi, don't label okay. That just makes it more complicated."

"Okay touchy, touchy. Carry on what happened next?" Dean rubbed his temples as a pounding took place. "Cas admitted he loves me but he's worried about God's punishment I don't really know since I don't really believe in the Guy." Sam made a thoughtful sound as Dean carried on. "We've sorta been avoiding each other whenever I go round to his. He's never in and I went to talk to Jo about him and he saw me in town with her."

"Is that why Lisa came around to tell you?" a dark presence emanated from Sam at the use of his ex. "Yeah I panicked when she said he was leaving Lawrence, but I haven't heard anything since I went round."

There was a tense silence as the Brothers sat side by side neither not to sure what to say. "Well… do you feel the same for Cas as he does for you?" he could only nod. "Easy solution Dean, go tell him that before it's too late."

Castiel sighed for the hundredth time as he watched the rain fall on the floor, for the first time he found it less than soothing but just down right depressing. He had been depressed since Lisa had told him that once someone expressed their love to Dean Winchester he wanted nothing to do with them, Gabriel had pushed him several times to talk to Dean about it but his pride had not let him. Instead he was furious that Dean had only made one attempt to speak about the subject. He had found himself going to the Church on a regular basis seeking the words of comfort from the Priest. He listened to Castiel inner anguish and like Gabriel advised to speak with Dean directly.

"_Sometimes Castiel, you have to put aside your pride and hold out the olive branch." _

"_I understand that Father but I am afraid I might not hear what I want." The Priest patted his back. "That's what love is Castiel, you have to expect the unexpected." _

"Expect the unexpected?" part of him wanted to think cynically about the phrase but as usual the Priest had a point as well as Gabriel. He stared for a moment in the general direction of Dean's house. Part of his yearned to speak to Dean, the other was still angry at Dean's lack of effort even though they had both been periodically avoiding each other and of course the last little part of him whispered: _Stop arguing and just do it! You love the guy go for it! _He ran his fingers through his hair his eyes squeezed shut as the personas clashed with their opinions. Yes. No. Do it! Pissed. Angry! How on earth could one person cope with all the emotions? "Hi Cas."

Standing in the rain was Dean his hair flat and clothes sticking to him like a second skin. "W-what are you doing here?" he resisted the urge to run and hug Dean just to feel the comfort; he knew that body would give him. "We need to talk." Castiel stepped out in the rain until only steps separated them. "Is it true?" Cas asked Dean his voice deeper than normal. "Is it true that when someone admits their love you lose interest?" his lips twitched as he waited for an answer, Dean cleared his throat his brow furrowed. "In the past yes."

Castiel forced the tears back this is what he had feared. "So you do not want me because I love you?" Dean held up his hands as Castiel moved back, extending the distance. "Cas if you let me explain. Look don't cry okay just-just-." He grabbed Cas by the shoulder holding him in place. "I've never… I've never cared about someone like I do for you, a girl admits she loves me and you know what that means to me?" he touched Castiel face gently, his thumbs stroking his cheekbones. "Commitment, the thought of being tied down scares the living crap out of me but when you said you loved me I felt different." Dean's eyes grew hot. "And I panicked." Dean stared into the watery blue depths of Castiel's eyes. "I panicked because I didn't know how to handle those feelings and it probably didn't help that Lisa was shit stirring." Castiel had yet to say anything as Dean felt on edge. "Cas please say something." Castiel remained silent as he moved back sitting on the wet step his tears mixing with the rain. "You son of a bitch." Dean was taken aback by Castiel's language since he rarely ever swore. "Do you have any idea what I thought when I saw you and Jo together?" he stood up grabbing Dean by his jacket. "It felt like my heart had been torn out, I felt like an idiot I had stupidly admitted my feelings for you. And there you were with a girl." His grip tightened feeling the wet fabric crease under his fingers. "If Lisa had not involved herself would you have ever come to me?" he saw his answer in Dean's eyes as he turned to leave only to be held back. "Dean! Let go of me!" Dean's arms tightened around him. "No, only if you'll let me explain." Cas fought against the restraints of Dean's arms. "I don't want to know you asshole!"

"What the heck is going on out here?" Gabriel appeared as he saw the two boys, his Brother trying his best to escape and Dean struggled to calm Cas down. At the sight of Gabriel, Dean released Castiel who stormed past him leaving a trail of puddles and footprints up to his room. A loud slam shook the house. "I think it's about time you accept the invitation Dean."

**A/N: Jeez Castiel has a bit of a potty mouth when he's pissed off... Aww it's adorable :D**

**Thank you for the reviews they make me happy xD**


	34. Chapter 34: Bond

"Gabriel I'm curious, why does Castiel still believe in God?" Dean dried his hair in the kitchen above there were occasional thumps of Castiel venting out his anger on whatever was in his path. Gabriel sat down winces when a curse and crash filled the house. "Wow he's pissed before you speak to him you might want to let him calm down." Dean half smiled as it went silent as Gabriel gave him his full attention. "You know I wonder that sometimes as well Dean, I think it has something to do with when he had nothing for comfort he sought out God." Dean could openly admit he didn't believe in the Guy in the sky and he could tell Gabriel had little faith in Him as well. "Right so your Dad beat the living crap out of Cas and he would pray?" Gabriel nodded his eyes glued to the ceiling. "Every night but he thought if he prayed enough God would hear him."

"Sound like a load of crap."

"For us maybe Dean but when someone doesn't have much their Faith gives them hope. And believe me my Little Brother has a strong Faith but is also the paranoid type." He picked at the table taking some of the paint off with his nail. "When you two were… systematically avoiding each other, Cas spent a lot of time at the local Church. He doesn't know but that Priest there is a very open-minded guy and kept me in a loop of what they spoke about. It really does still surprise me how little I really know about my Brother." Dean opened his mouth to reply but he realised that even though Castiel and Gabriel had a strong bond probably stronger than his and Sammy's. There was still so much either of them did not know about each other. "Yeah surprising right? I mean I have no idea how he survived all those years in Pontiac and it took me asking him straight out about his feelings for you. Last thing a Big Brother expects is his Little Brother to say he's fallen for a guy. And that that guy is the one person he trusts enough to bare his soul too." Gabriel leaned down picking up Jimmy who had been curling himself around Gabriel's legs. "You might not realise Dean but you truly are a special person. I can't think of anyone other than me who cares about Cas like you do. You two share a more profound bond than I ever will."

"Profound bond? Don't you think that's exaggerating a little?" Gabriel shook his head a small smile on his lips. "Nope, it's as accurate as it comes why do you think Cas got so angry?"

"You lost me."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "He's dealing with feelings and emotions he's never experienced before and I bet the anger side has something to do with you and Jo."

"But that wasn't what it looked like." Gabriel shrugged. "It probably didn't help that you said you wouldn't even be here if this Lisa girl had not involved herself." Dean rubbed his neck when he realised Gabriel had a point. "But I think you're lucky she did involve herself because who knows what could have happened to Cas," he put Jimmy on the table while creeping quietly upstairs for a moment before returning. "I think he's calmed down enough, why don't you go try speak to him."

As Dean made his way upstairs, Gabriel grabbed his coat closing the door so not disrupt anything. He walked down the street towards the Winchester House. He knocked on the door as Sam pulled it open. "Did it work?" Sam looked at Gabriel waiting for the answer. "That it did, although I might need to replace so furniture but let's hope it was worth it. The things we do for family right?" Sam smiled laughed and grinned broadly. "They'll thank us in the long run," Sam glanced down the dark street for a moment. "Do you think they'll do anything?" Gabriel repressed his laughter. "Probably, might check into a hotel for the night so I don't kill the mood. Well have a good night Sammy." He turned to leave but was pulled back. "You can crash here tonight if you want… Dad's out on business and it's pretty lonely here by myself." Sam blushed a little. Gabriel had been instantly smitten with Sam when they had started to devise the plan to bring Dean and Castiel together. "Got any decent movies?" Sam's eyes lit up. "Of course! And loads of junk food and stuff!"

"That's an offer not even I can't resist Sammy."

Dean sat outside Castiel's bedroom door he had heard Gabriel leave as he lifted his hand to knock for the tenth time. He leaned his head on the door trying to listen into any potential movement. "Dean I know you are there, go away."

"No Cas if I have to sit here all night and explain I will."

He heard the sound of Cas moving on his bed he could almost guess a pillow would have found it's way in Castiel's grip.

Castiel gripped his pillow tightly hiding his face as tears fell down his face. "Cas I'll admit I didn't handle the love thing as well as I could've." He snorted into his pillow as Dean continued. "But believe me, I've never felt like this. I'm used to being able to control everything I feel and when you told me that… it turned my world upside down. Actually that happened when I first met you." His heart literally felt like it skipped a beat. "When you saw me with Jo… I had to speak to someone about everything can you imagine me going to Bobby and telling him I've basically fallen for a dude?" Castiel chewed on his lip as he silently agreed that Dean had a point. "Okay. What I'm trying to say Cas is that I'm sorry and I-I love you."

**A/N: I should stop getting so attached to my Fanfic characters cos I'm a sucker for the romance and love stuff!  
>Will update soon I promise! <strong>


	35. Chapter 35: Discovery

"_Did you hear me Cas? I said I love you." _

It was amazing how three simple words could change a person, as soon as the words had finally sunk in. Castiel slid off his bed he moved as if he had no control over his body, his brain and body wanting one simple thing. Dean.

As soon as he opened the door Castiel kneeled down taking Dean's face in his hands, he stared into the darken green eyes closing his as he ducked his head pressing his lips against Dean's.

The kiss was inexperienced but sweet as Dean sat still not moving a single muscle but his heart beating painfully against his ribs, his fingers itched to touch Castiel's soft pale skin, heat flooded his stomach at the tinniest flick of tongue against his lips. When Cas pulled back his face flushed and lips wet it took all Dean's will power and resisting his instincts to push Cas to the floor, strip him of his clothes and take him. Dean shifted trying to find comfort from the tightness in his jeans he saw blue eyes dilate as they glanced down and the tip of a pink tongue slid out wetting and tasting the bottom lip. A simple and innocent gesture yet Dean groaned. "Cas, don't do that." His voice deeper than usual, but each syllable felt like hot velvet on Castiel nerves. Quicker than he could react, Cas grabbed Dean by his jacket pulling him into the room, they fell to the floor tangled limbs, lips crushed together exchanging saliva and drinking in each others groans. Dean sucked strongly on Cas' bottom lip feeling the pants against his mouth.

A small shiver alerted Dean enough to pull Cas up, their bodies tightly pressed together Dean pushed Castiel on the bed. His hands shook while stripping away their clothing bit by bit; his fingers trembled clumsily working to remove the too snug jeans. "Do you want this Cas?" the tips of his fingers stroked the edge of Castiel's boxers, Dean felt Cas' body's answer but he wanted the brain's answer. The last thing he wanted was regret. "I need an answer Cas." He slid his tongue below Cas' ear and along his jaw feeling as Cas moaned his hands sliding down the bare skin of Dean's back his nails digging into the hips.

"Yes."

The single word came out in a pant it took a moment for it to register as Dean pulled off the last barrier guarding Cas. He stretched Cas out of the bed one hand clasping Cas' hand their fingers entwined for comfort. Dean parted Castiel's legs his body leaning half against the pale body; he placed two fingers against Cas' lips. "Suck." The small flicker of nervousness passed on Cas' face. "It'll be okay." Dean reassured as his fingers dipped into the hot wet depth of Cas' mouth, the silken tongue wetting his fingers, the blue eyes remained hidden underneath dark eyelashes as Dean slid his fingers in and out of Cas' mouth. "Ready?" a barely there nod was the only conformation he needed.

So many wild thoughts passed through Castiel's brain as he felt Dean's fingers rub against the entrance to Cas' body. A place no person had ever touched, he gasped as the tip of one finger pushed it way in. The sensation ran up his spine and across his hips as Dean carefully slid his finger inside. Stroking against his walls, Cas gripped Dean's hand in his as another finger found its way inside and stretched him, a small tear leaked out the corner of his eye. He bit his lip trying to relax his body at the invasion. Dean kissed the side of his neck. "You're doing great, just breathe." Even with the gasps, Cas could hear the wet sound of Dean's fingers moving inside him, unconsciously his body clenched around the digits.

A strange emptiness filled Cas as Dean removed his fingers he shifted between Cas' open legs. For a brief moment their arousals brushed against each other, Dean clasped his guiding it towards the entrance his fingers had once been previously. One leg curled around his hip Castiel's back arches as he feels the blunt head. His body seizes up in fear of the pain to come as Dean slowly starts to push inside. The hot flash of pain shot up his spine and hips, tears well up at the pressure. "Cas relax." Dean holds him close as inch by inch he pushes his way home stretching Castiel to the hilt. The movements start slow and short, giving Cas a chance to become accustomed to the fullness. Arms wrapped tightly around Dean's shoulders, his fingers digging into his back, Castiel lifts his hips experimentally meeting Dean at each thrust as stars flashed in front of his eyes. Each movement came faster as Castiel met them, still deep inside Dean pulls Cas to a sitting position thrusting up more roughly than he intended only to receive a tight squeeze from the muscles wrapped around his arousal. Castiel groaned loudly as Dean finally hit his prostate.

The slide of sweaty skin and friction made each man groan as their love making got more and more intense, the familiar tightness had found it's place in Castiel's groin, his arousal rubbed against Dean's stomach he flinched at Dean's hands touching his back but another hit to his prostate wiped away the thought. "D-Dean!" he cried biting the skin connecting shoulder to neck he leaned his forehead on Dean's shoulder trying to force oxygen into his lungs. "I-I c-can't!" he tightened around Dean's hardness as his climax took him, the last thing he felt and was a hot shot of liquid fill him and the guttural sound of Dean coming.

Dean held Castiel close to his body their scents mingling together, he pushed the damp hair off Cas' forehead as their breathing even out to normal. He stared down at Cas his face peaceful and looking much younger, it was not normal for him to see a peaceful and stress free Cas face. Against his hand he felt the press of the scars his fingers tracing the reminders.

_Unaware Gabriel lay on the sofa in the dark; his gut clenched painfully moments later his phone buzzed next to him. He picked it up to see Joshua's name pop up. 'They know, I'm sorry.'_

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for not updating been mega busy with the bank holiday weekend and work! It sucked!  
>Anyways, hope you like ;) Update as soon as I can. xx <strong>


	36. Chapter 36: Dreams

_Was it possible for someone to fear the inky blackness of dreams? As he fell into the deepest sleep, Castiel would find himself standing in the black nothing. Sometimes he would sit in the darkness until something would wake him but other times he would find himself watching the past, the memories he wanted to forget coming back to the surface. Each dream was never the same even if they seemed it they were all uniquely different. _

_Each breath he expelled was cold as he trembled looking for comfort yet no matter how hard he tried to shout out, the sound of his voice was never heard. "He is a Demon!" _

"_He is a Murderer!" _

"_Faggot!" _

"_Demon!" _

"_Hide Castiel!"_

"_Run Castiel!"_

Castiel gasped painfully as the words finally clashed together and woke him up, he lay in his bed panting, his body wet with cold sweat and eyes wide with fear as he glanced around. _Still safe… they will not find us. _He glanced around his room and finally to his side to see Dean watching him, his eyes awake and alert. "Bad dream?" Cas attempted to sit up only to find a dull ache stopping him and Dean's arm wrapped around his waist. "I am not sure." He placed his head on Dean's chest their mixed scent of sex and sweat still on his skin. "It was different than usual." Dean's fingers traced the shape of Castiel's hip. "Really?" it occurred to Castiel that he rarely spoke about his dreams, due to whenever he woke up he was always alone but now it was different. "It was just voices, so many voice." The slight ringing was still in his ears as he hid his face in Dean's neck. "Did you recognise the voices?"

He sat up slowly pulling away from Dean's embrace, his brow furrowed in deep thought he ignored the dull ache but could not help notice the evidence on his skin from their previous night's activities. A small blush spread on his face warming his skin and chill in his body. "Some but I do not understand why this dream was different." Dean half sat up leaning on his elbows. "Well I heard that sometimes dreams are trying to tell you something important."

Castiel's expression could only be described as comical at Dean's words. "Hey don't knock it until you try it Cas. My Dad has a friend who's into all that Spiritual stuff." Castiel snorted at Dean's words as he reached down for a t-shirt only to be stopped. In a series of quick movements, Dean grabbed Castiel, pushing him on his back and settled between his open thighs. "Don't cover up on my account." He grinned down at Cas' prone form, blue eyes round and face blushing red. "Again?" Dean sucked on Castiel's neck. "Only if you want too. I bet you're feeling a little sore." He was right but the feeling of Dean's weight on his body the soreness seemed to disappear. "I am not feeling that sore."

When Castiel woke up he found himself alone in his bed and daytime light peeking through his curtains. He could not help but feel a little disappointed at the empty side of his bed. He picked up the pillow, which still held the indentation of Dean's head and hugged it close.

He found Gabriel downstairs drinking his morning coffee and reading the newspaper he did not dare look his Older Brother in the eye because he knew deep down that Gabriel would know exactly what had happened more than once last night. "Good morning Little Brother." He cautiously reached for a bowl trying to ignore the ache in his back; Gabriel clapped him on the shoulder as he flinched. "A bit sore are we?" he heard the smirk in Gabriel's voice. "I hope you were safe last night." Castiel's face blushed bright red as out of reflex elbowed Gabriel sharply in the ribs. "That is none of your business." When he had finally put together his breakfast, Castiel tried to sit down normally which seemed to be a very difficult task to perform. "Oh contraire Little Brother, it has everything to do with me. Well me and Sammy Winchester."

"Do I want to even know?" Gabriel sat back down and went back to his coffee. "Well maybe not, but I'll tell you anyway." Castiel's breakfast stood forgotten as he waited for Gabriel to explain. "Sammy Winchester clever kid for his age."

"Yes he is now would you care to explain?"

"When you and Dean were… in better words avoiding each other I went to go and speak to him. And that's where I met Sammy, he'd noticed something was up with his Big Brother and we devised a plan to get you two talking." Gabriel pointed to his neck and Castiel blushed, trying to avoid Gabriel's eyes by taking a mouthful of his orange juice. "And it seemed it was a success. So how was it?"

He spat the liquid from his mouth. "Th-that definitely has nothing to do with you!" he eyes watered as he tried to cough the liquid from his lungs. "Oh don't be such a spoil sport. I remember my first…" Castiel picked the newspaper and throwing it at his Brother. "I don't want to know!"

"Don't be such a prude." Castiel covered his ears in an attempt to block Gabriel's voice. "It is not necessary for me to know." Gabriel shook his head in disagreement. "Oh c'mon! Okay just answer me this: Was it good?" his face red Castiel nodded his head. "And did Dean know what he was doing?" his eyes squeezed tight he nodded again. "Excellent." When Castiel finally opened his eyes he saw Gabriel smiling broadly. "Why are you smiling like that?"

Gabriel shrugged finding interest in the paper that Castiel had thrown at him. "I'm just trying to decide whether I should lift your curfew since you're in _that _part of a relationship now."

Castiel tried to shake off the conversation he had had with Gabriel as he walked down towards Dean's house. He found Dean as usual underneath the Impala humming to the rock music coming from the car. He watched as Dean twisted his body in effort while screwing or unscrewing something on the car. Castiel scratched his head awkwardly trying to find the best way to get Dean's attention, he considered clearing his throat but instead he settled for knocking on hood the Impala.

As soon as Dean heard the knock he knew exactly who it was and he had a feeling whoever it was had been there a little longer. He slid out from underneath the Impala. "Hey Cas, how's the back?" the flush appeared on Cas' skin which he thought was just adorable. "It is f-fine." He saw Cas wince as he tried to lean against the Impala, Dean pulled himself up from the floor, and his mind full of endless possibilities of what he could do to Cas on the Impala. "So what's up?"

"N-nothing, Gabriel has lifted the curfew."

"I'm sensing a 'and' or 'but'?" Cas cleared his throat like he was trying to decide whether to ask something. "And…" Cas clarified. "Do you think your Dad's spiritual friend can help me with my dreams?" Dean's eyebrows rose as he sat on the Impala. "In what way?"

"I do not understand the dream so I am considering to wonder whether I may need professional assistance."

**A/N: Hehe Gabriel what a legend :) and I'm actually planning out another Supernatural fanfic got a couple ideas written down. I may start writing it up but I'm not sure yet. I want to finish this one first before going on to other projects. I don't think I could write two fanfics at the same time I haven't got enough energy for that! **

**Update to come soon :)**


	37. Chapter 37: Mercy

Castiel tapped his fingers nervously as he waited for his appointment Missouri Mosely, the last place he expected to be was in the house of a 'Psychic' personally he had no faith in palm readers or those who claimed to be in contact with the Spirits of lost love ones. "Castiel?" he jumped as a high feminine voice brought him out his thoughts. "Would you like to come through?" he stared at her for a moment trying to get a reading from her body language but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. "Yes, thank you."

Once he settled himself, Missouri went about making tea as he looked around the small room. How unusual it all was he had been expecting- "You were expecting crystal balls and incense?" she pushed a steaming cup of tea towards him, her eyes watching his every facial and body movement or twitch. "The thought did cross my mind." She snuggled against the pillows on the sofa. "Don't be nervous anything we say won't leave this room, now how can I help you?"

He bit his lip unsure of where to start. "Take your time, a friend of the Winchesters is a friend of mine." Whether that was supposed to be reassuring he did not know. "I was hoping you maybe able to help me understand my dreams." She leaned forward as if dream discussing was a favourite subject. "Your dreams, tell me about them."

"They are… memories of my past some that I want to forget but never can." Missouri nodded as he carried on. "But-but last night I had a more… I had a dream I was standing in endless darkness and I heard voices, so many voices shouting different things at me." He twisted his hands together. "Is there anything significant about the voices?"

"Past echoes."

"Am I correct in saying you were the boy who was attacked in December?" his fingers bit into his knee. "I am."

"And would I also be correct in saying… that some of the voices you heard could have been echoes of those who attacked you?" as each statement hit home Castiel became increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation, he felt the urge to stand up and leave. He was not ready to speak about this especially not with someone he barely knew. "Castiel if you run now, you will always wonder." She nudged the cup of tea closer urging him to drink; he picked up the cup his hands shaking violently. "I may not be a doctor but I can tell that maybe your dreams are telling you it's time to discover what happened to you. Even though consciously you're to scared to go forward with that journey, and the only way you can come to terms with what happened is to allow yourself to remember." He put the cup down spilling some of the contents on the table and he rubbed his forehead. "It's a scary thing, but to move on with your life you need to breakdown that barrier and face all those emotions and feelings head on. Which is what your dream is telling you. It's time to remember."

"But how do I do that?" Missouri smiled gently at him. "That Castiel is for you to discover."

_Raphael stepped out his car as his eyes moved around the town centre of Lawrence, Kansas. He could sense his siblings' presence, Castiel was here hiding… or was he? _

_He saw a scrawny dark haired figure walk across the road, head down and hands deep in his pockets. "Castiel." He murmured to himself watching his Little Brother disappear down a street. _

_Life ran normally in the town even as Raphael made his way towards a bakery, he walked in and was greeted by a young girl. "Can I help?" _

"_I am searching for Castiel and Gabriel Novak, do you know where I can find them?" her eyes were uncertain. "I do, but might I ask what it's about?" his eyes narrowed coldly at her. "It is no importance to you, do you have the address of their residence?" the girl visibly trembled as Raphael presence took hold. "66 Swan Song Lane." _

Gabriel entire body shuddered as he put down his paperwork his eyes tried to concentrate on the words and figures but none of it made any sense.

He leaned back running his fingers through his hair, the only time he ever got a reaction to what he was feeling was when something bad was about to happen. And deep down he knew… Joshua had contacted him earlier that Raphael was on his way to Lawrence, all he could do now was wait. There was no way he was going to run he had done way too much of that already.

He sat listening and waiting but he still jumped when the chime of his doorbell rang through the house.

His nerves wrapped in steel Gabriel opened the door. "Raphael, what do I owe the pleasure?"

Gabriel stood his ground trying his best to keep his shields up. "Gabriel. Where is Castiel?"

His arms crossed Gabriel stood his ground. "Oh I don't know he's around somewhere. Now what do you want?" Raphael and Gabriel only had a year apart in age but both had menace as their personalities clashed. "Father has ordered me to return Castiel to him." All Gabriel could do was snort in disgust at his Younger Brother. "Oh yeah? And what will you do Raphael? Expect praise while good old Dad and Michael beat the six shades of shit out of him? Well I don't think so. There's no way that you, Michael or Dad are going to touch or go near Castiel again."

"Be careful Gabriel, you never were good at keeping promises." A smirk found its place on Raphael lips. "Well this time I will, so you can leave now." He was about the slam the door in Raphael's face only for it to be stopped. "Before I leave I would like to see the Abomination."

"Raphael, are you trying to piss me off?" something in Raphael's eyes flickered but was gone in a blink. "Not at all, I speak only the truth whenever it regards _him._"

"I should slam the door in your face Raphael but if you touch him I will kick your ass to the curb. Am I clear?"

Castiel crossed the road as he walked up the street towards his house, since leaving Missouri's house he felt more confused and a little scared to what he might discover if he wished to in essence what breaking down his mental wall he had placed to protect him. The Doctors had called it amnesia from the trauma but unbeknownst to them Castiel had chose to block the memories. As he healed from the attack he became more aware of what was coming through the cracks in his subconscious.

His foot left the pavement as he stopped in mid-step his entire body froze up in fear as he saw the car parked in the driveway. "No…" the panic which took him made every part of him want to run. He knew that car, mainly because he had been in it so many times. He turned and ran to the only place he knew was safe for him, he never once stopped, he heard the loud beeps of horns when he sprinted across the road cars only inches away from hitting him. When he saw the Garage door and strains of music, relief flooded him, Castiel leaned against the Garage his ribs searing painfully at each breath. "Cas? What's wrong?" Dean appeared dirty and sweaty from working on the Impala. Castiel took in another breath that came out as a sob. "T-they have found me." Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel. "You need to calm down, who's found you?" Castiel sobbed into Dean's already dirty shirt. "My Family."

**A/N: I wrote this entire chapter listening to:  
>Song: O'Death<br>Artist: Jen Titus  
>Similar to Death's entrance I could see Raphael appearing in that way, plus that's where I got the title for this chapter from the lyrics.<strong>

**Hope you like, and will update soon! Also thank you for the reviews :D**


	38. Chapter 38: Judgement

"No, no, no! You cannot make me do it!" for the third time Dean grabbed Castiel around the middle to stop him escaping. "You can, look I'll be there and so will Gabriel. There's nothing to be scared of." Dean tightened his hold as Castiel twisted and turned his body in the hopes of being able to run off. "I'm not going to let you go so stop squirming." He grunted at the force of Castiel's elbow in his stomach. "Dean you do not know my Family!"

"Well it's as good time to meet them." A small whine of protest left Castiel's mouth. "I do not want them to hurt you." Dean barely heard the sentence as he held Cas close. "I can look after myself don't you worry about that, but don't you think it's about time you stood up for yourself Cas?" he pressed his front against Castiel's back so not even air could slid through them. Castiel's head hung low, his teeth chewing on his bottom lip. "I can not do it. Please don't make me do it Dean."

Dean turned Castiel around hugging him tightly, not caring what passer-by's thought. "You can Cas you're stronger than you think, you can't run away forever."

Eventually Cas looked into Dean's eyes. "Okay, I will do it but under one condition." Cas licked his lips slowly. "Do not let me run away."

Both Dean and Castiel felt the thick tension as they entered the Novak household, with a little push Castiel moved forward his heart pounding against his ribs as Gabriel and Raphael came into view. He looked around quickly looking for Michael and his Father. "Castiel." The sound of his name made his blood freeze over in fear, it took several tries until Castiel found his voice. "Raphael."

The Younger siblings never once blinked or broke eye contact. "What do you want Raphael?" his voice shook as he resisted the urge to step back, Raphael's gaze holding power over him. "Father has ordered your return but it seems Gabriel has finally grown a spine." Raphael smirked at Gabriel's furious expression and back to Castiel's fear stricken face. "I must say you are looking well but alas I also heard God's orders of punishment found you in December, Am I correct?" Dean caught Cas before he could run, holding him close. "It is good to know that no matter where you go, there are others who continue to execute what you deserve." Raphael's eyes flickered briefly to Dean as he noted the closeness of his Brother and him. "Do I sense…" his lips twisted cruelly. "Castiel, my own flesh and blood… A Sodomite? How disgusting, that you gave what left of your innocence to this-" Dean flinched against Castiel as Raphael waved a dismissive hand towards Dean and turned to Gabriel. "And you allowed this to happen Gabriel? Allowed our own Brother to engage in such activities." Raphael set his gaze on each individual. "The Coward, Abomination and Deviant. How very convenient that you will have company for the many eternities together burning in the fires of Hell."

"How dare you." Castiel pulled away from Dean's hold as he stepped forward, Gabriel's eyes wide in shock and Dean getting ready to shield Castiel. "What right do you have to say who burns in Hell Raphael?" he took a single deep breath in. "What right do you have? Because you never know you might just be joining us in Hell." Raphael snorted. "I very much doubt that Castiel, the fires of Hell have been waiting to torment you since you were born."

"Well if that is true Raphael, than I would rather spend a millennia or eternity burning in the torment of Hell with Gabriel and Dean then spend a single day in Heaven with you, Michael and Father." Castiel took a step closer towards his Older Brother until only inches distanced them. "Because in the end, each of our souls will be judged by God who makes the final decision to where we belong. And if you speak the truth about Hell waiting for me, I am very much looking forward to seeing you, Michael and Father joining me in the fires. Now leave and do not bother coming back, and do not forget to pass on my regards to Father and Michael."

Raphael's skin had paled dramatically as he left the house slamming the door; a silence filled the room neither person knowing what to say. Dean had not once moved, Gabriel's face held so many different emotions it was impossible to name any of them. "Cas, can I ask when you grew a spine?" Castiel half collapsed against the sofa as the events finally sunk in. "I believe it was about time I stood up for myself, eleven years is far to long to be a victim." He saw Dean nod in agreement as Gabriel gripped the chair for support. "Yeah and thanks for the inviting them to Hell, I was hoping that once I died I'd never have to see them again."

"Gabriel we are not going to Hell we have done nothing to be punished for." Gabriel groaned as Dean snorted with laughter, Dean came behind Castiel wrapping his arms around his waist. "Castiel your sense of humour really does suck."

Dean leaned his forehead on Castiel's shoulder the feeling of his laughter running down his back. "That maybe true but I speak the truth, God will judge us to decide and I feel that Father, Michael and Raphael will not be where they think."

Gabriel rolled his eyes as Dean lifted his head. "He gets pretty serious aboutthis sort of thing doesn't he?" Castiel made a sound as Dean spoke to Gabriel as if was not even present in the room. "I know and it's adorable." Castiel blushed furiously as Gabriel and Dean continued to converse. "He's like our own Little Angel of Fate isn't he?"

"_He said what?" Raphael flinched as he felt the full impact of his Father's rage; a crash filled the room as his Father threw the leftover alcohol into the fireplace. "He is corrupt Raphael, do not believe a word he said. The Devil had twisted him for his own cause." Deep down Raphael wanted to believe his Father's words but for the first time he felt doubt in his Father's beliefs. "I see doubt on your face Raphael, our work has given us a place in Heaven. God had judged us and saw us fit to do His work."_

**A/N: Apologises for all the talk of Heaven, Hell, Torment and Fires :P Go Cas! Go Cas! You tell 'em!  
>Also got inspired a little by Queer as Folk when Brian said he would rather spend an eternities of eternities burning in Hell then spend a good day in Heaven with his Mother :P <strong>


	39. Chapter 39: Support

"So Castiel any headaches?" his eyes watered as his Doctor flashed a light into them checking the reaction. "Not as much." He blinked several times as his vision blurred and he saw white. "How're your sleeping patterns?" Cas considered lying but thought better to be honest. "They are improving but I have yet to sleep through the night." His face heated mainly due to his activities with Dean exhausted him to the point he could hardly keep his eyes open but the dreams still woke him, his Doctor went about checking his blood pressure and muscles reactions. "That will improve in time, after such a trauma you're brain is still healing and dealing with the memories. Now have there been any changes since we last met?" he shifted uncomfortably on the desk as his Doctor noted something down on his chart. "Changes?" the Doctor's eyebrows rose slowly. "Any drug or alcohol use since your last check-up?"

"I may have…uh… Gotten drunk but that was the only time." He expected a look of something on the Doctor's face yet he only nodded. "How much was consumed?" Castiel scratched his head. "I… I am not sure, it is still pretty much a blur."

"Drug use?"

"None."

His Doctor looked pleased at the progress. "Sexually active?" _Oh shoot. _"Yes." He continued to scribble down the new information. "Are you using necessary precautions?"

"Precautions?" the word itself baffled Castiel and he waited for his Doctor to elaborate. "Birth control or condoms?" _Awkward. _The last thing he wanted to do was talk about something private with someone he still considered virtually a stranger. "They are not necessary… my partner is a man."

"Has your partner been sexually active for a long period of time?" his blue eyes round, he opened his mouth to respond which took several tries. "I believe so, but he has always been safe with past relationships." His entire body just wanted to melt into a puddle of goo and slide away from all the questions. "Your recover is going very well Castiel, shall we book another appointment for about three months or so?" his face red he nodded part of him burning with embarrassment. "If you or your partner need any advise there is a walk-in sexual health clinic available to answer your questions and queries."

His Doctor handed him yet again the prescription for if at anytime he needed aid to sleep, it burned in his pocket as he walked down the Hospital corridors it seemed every turn he made there was some kind of memory lingering waiting to jump out. "Oh Castiel! What are you doing here?" he saw Lisa appear from around a corner her eyes cold and not matching her 'concerned tone'. "Nothing that involves you." The words came out more curtly than he had initially intended. "Oh look who's being a teeny tiny bit defensive, did your Family Reunion not go to plan." His chest tightened at her words. "What do you mean?"

She flicked her hand examining her nails as if the subject had already bore her. "A little birdy told me your Brother arrived… what was his name? Raphael?" his gut twisted he knew that sensation that had found its place in his stomach. "It was you wasn't it?" He shook his head in disbelief. "What is your problem with me Lisa? What did I ever do to you?" her eyes remained cold and lifeless. "I find your overall existence grating not to mention taking away my boyfriend from me."

"Dean was never your boyfriend." She stomped forward pushing Castiel into the wall with force he had not realised she had. "He loves me, he came to me when I needed him."

"You are delusional. Lisa you need help attempting to destroy other peoples lives will not make yours any better. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help."

She gripped his shoulder painfully her nails biting into the flesh. "And what would you know about that Castiel?" Castiel looked into her eyes seeing all the repressed pain and grief that had taken home in her mind. "Because I have seen what grief stricken people are capable of."

Cas sat on the table in Dean's Garage watching with interest as Dean hummed to himself casually underneath the car. "Dean, how much do you know about Lisa?" Dean cursed loudly when he hit his head; he slid out from underneath the car. "Why?" he had not intended to share the information about his Hospital check-up. "I was at the Hospital today and I saw Lisa there."

Dean stood up quickly. "Whoa, wait a minute. Why were you at Hospital?" his throat dry, Castiel twisted a rag in his hands. "It was a routine check-up, Gabriel had insisted I go. For his peace of mind not mine." Dean ran a hand through his hair. "Dude, you could've told me I would've come with you." He cleared his throat. "Yes I could have, but you have a responsibility to look after Sam. You cannot always leave him at Bobby's because I have a check-up. Plus it would have been embarrassing if you were there."

A blush stained Castiel's cheeks and he knew Dean had already put two and two together. "Oh I see they were asking _those _kind of questions." Dean stood between Castiel's legs his hands low on his back pushing him close. "Yes they were asked and answered, but how much do you know about Lisa?" Castiel tried his best to get Dean's attention but knew he was failing. "Just about as much as everyone else." He pushed Castiel down flat on the table, one hand above his head the other teasingly playing with zip of his jacket. "Why are you so curious?" Dean's green eyes clashed with his desire but also questioned Castiel's curiosity. "What was she like before her Brother died?" Dean groaned a little. "Normal but I guess she never really had anyone to help her cope, she practically raised her Little Brother. Do we really have to talk about this now?" Castiel half sat up. "Yes we do, I believe she was involved in Raphael knowing my whereabouts because I do not remember ever mentioning my Brother's visit. So it only makes sense." Dean closed his eyes briefly. "Is this the famous Novak gut talking?"

"'The Famous Novak Gut' I did not realise it had a name, and yes I believe so I just cannot shift the feeling she knows something."

"Cas I know you're not the kind to jump to conclusions but I do trust your judgement, how about we just keep an eye out around her. If she is involved she's bound to screw up somewhere along the line." Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's neck pulling him close. "Thank you for believing me Dean." Dean's chuckle vibrated against his chest. "It's okay, now where were we?"

**A/N: It's a bit Lisa oriented but a little insight into her character always helps I suppose.  
><strong>**Update soon :) **


	40. Chapter 40: Family

"Alright what's the problem?" Castiel jumped at the sound of his Brother's voice. He had been moping around the house for the last couple days since both Dean and Sam were away for the School Holidays, sending some quality time with their Grandparents. He missed Dean so much it was actually ridiculous. "Nothing." He sighed, his lower lip pouting. "Really? Cas it's me you're talking too. Wise and old blah blah…?"

"I miss Dean." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Shocking, well go do something productive to distract you until he gets back." Castiel's blue eyes slid to his Brother gaze. "Like?"

"I don't know, what do you want to do?"

Castiel gnawed on his lower lip for several minutes; there _was _something that had been playing on his mind ever since he had finally stood up to Raphael… "Could… could we go to Mother's grave?" silence slid between the Brothers, shocked more than anything. "Holy… Cas are you sure? I mean do you think you'll be okay if Dad finds out?" that had also been playing on his mind for sometime but he missed just being able to touch and be close to his Mother's memorial stone. "Gabriel what is the worst that can happen?" a dark look shot across Gabriel's face which made Castiel's hair rise. "I can think of a couple things, but if this is what you want. I'll book the tickets."

Campbell Residence – Outside Lawrence, Kansas

"Dean, are you alright?" Dean lay in the back garden of his Grandparents house, who would have thought it took so long for a week to pass. "I'm fine, why?" he opened one eye to see his Grandmother standing nearby her brow creased worryingly. "Well for starters you're not eating and you're unusually quiet. So what the problem young man?" his Grandmother sat down next to him, stroking his hair flat where his fingers had put it out of place. He scowled at her out of habit. "I could almost say you're love sick."

"Love sick? Really Gran? I'm not some prissy girl you know."

"That might be true but I know the look and feeling, you're Grandfather always had that look whenever I shot him down." Dean half snorted at the thought of Grandpa Samuel even remotely matching how he felt since the guy was the least kind of guy to show his feelings. "He's a total pup underneath that tough exterior. Now who's the special person?" of course Dean had noted she used 'person' instead of girl… he made a mental note to question Sammy about him blabbing. "Has Sammy been talking?" his Grandmother shrugged her shoulders. "He may have mentioned in passing but we're talking about you. Now speak."

It was unbelievable how uncomfortable Dean felt talking to his Family, since the only person who knew about him and Cas was Sammy and Bobby had a vague idea but rarely or never brought it up. "Cas." His Grandmother's expression stayed the same as she waited. "His name is Cas, well Castiel."

"A boy? Well that is definitely an interesting development. Does he know how you feel?" Dean nodding awkwardly pulling at the grass beside him trying his best to avoid his Grandmother's eyes. "Yeah I just miss him." She snapped her fingers. "Ah now I see where the love sickness is coming from, so what's he like?"

"You really have to meet him to find out, because sometimes he's shy and awkward but other times. I don't know but what makes my day is seeing his face or eyes light up." He scowled a little at his chick flick moment. "Well maybe we'll come down to meet him, he must be something special."

"Yeah, that he is."

Pontiac, Illinois 

Castiel shifted as he looked around the place that had once been his Home… no Prison, he looked down the road to where the House was and how close his Family were truly to him. Gabriel noticed the mood immediately and wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "I ran up this road when I escaped," he leaned towards Gabriel's body for comfort. "Where those woods are, that's where Father chased me." For some reason he wanted to walk through those woods, why he could not explain. "Cas if at anytime you want to leave just say." Gabriel's finger's tightened a fraction as his eye locked on the road leading to their old House. "I will." They walked side by side towards the Graveyard a place Castiel had spent as much time as possible whenever he temporarily escaped the House.

Nothing much had changed since his last visit he regretted not being able to visit his Mother before he went to Lawrence but now he was making up for it. Gabriel released him as he saw the stone and waited. Castiel kneeled in front of the stone, touching and tracing the words with his fingers. "Hello Mother, I am sorry for not visiting a lot has happened." He pulled at the weeds that had grown around the stone making it look presentable. I have met someone too but I believe you may already know but I would have preferred to tell you in person." He commented shyly and smiling. "You would have liked him, and Gabriel likes him also which is a plus right?"

Gabriel watched the interaction as Castiel continued to speak quietly to the solid memory of their Mother; it was amazing to still think how much of a connection Castiel still had with their Mother. True that Gabriel missed his Mom he still mourned her loss he sometimes wished things had turned out differently.

"Well Gabriel, is this not the most lovely and unexpected surprise."

**A/N: I will be updating my fics either once or twice on a weekly basis due to College and Work. Hope you like the update, feedback is very much appreciated and loved! **


	41. Chapter 41: Home

_"Well Gabriel, is this not the most lovely and unexpected surprise." _

How long had it been since he had last heard that voice? A voice that still make his stomach turn in disgust so violently. He took a quick note to make sure Castiel remained unaware of… "Michael." His older Brother hadn't changed much but like when they were children Michael had an air of power surrounding him, as the oldest he believed himself superior and clearly that belief had stuck as well as the distinct dead coldness in his eyes as he looked past Gabriel to see Castiel cleaning the weeds around their Mother's grave stone. "I never thought I would see either of you, Father has been so, so worried."

Neither Brother made a move as Gabriel check his eyes solely on his older Brother. "You know what I'm sure he's worried, what's he doing right this moment? Sitting a deep anguish of self pity?" a dark dangerous look flashed on Michael face as his lips tightened a fraction. "You should watch your tone Gabriel."

"And what exactly are you gonna do Michael?" he knew it was reckless going up against Michael but enough was enough. "What is going on?"

"Castiel. I must say you are looking well you have healed nicely. How are the ribs?" Gabriel moved back towards his younger Brother trying to hide him from Michael gaze. "Do they still hurt when it is cold or when it rains?"

"Michael this has nothing to do with Castiel leave him out of this. Now what are you gonna do about our little situation Michael. I'm intrigued." He felt Castiel's fingers curled against Gabriel's shirt for comfort as he tried his best to avoid Michaels' eyes. The cold eyes bringing back memories he never wanted to think about. A simple smirk made him cringe as his body shook trying to fight the flashbacks of that face and those eyes. "Quite simple actually," he placed his hand in his pocket pulling out of pocket the smirk getting wider. "Speed dial, now Castiel how about you come with me so Father can see you looking so well. I am sure he will be overjoyed to hear about your lover." Gabriel winced a fraction at the dig of Castiel's fingers in his back. "Michael you're disgusting." Gabriel spat at his Brother as he continued to taunt Castiel. "It's sickening how a human being can be so twisted. Oh by the way Castiel and me are formally rejecting your offer to visit that sperm donor, although thanks but no thanks. Now get lost."

From both Castiel and Gabriel's memories of growing up with Michael they knew full well how dangerous Michael could be when angered or insulted, Gabriel slid his arm around Castiel's shaking shoulders holding him close, his fingers rubbing the base of his neck trying to soothe him, he held him closer as Castiel hid his face in his chest. "Michael what happened to you? When did you turn into this twisted calculating dick?"

"Do you honestly think Mom would want her kids acting like this?" he saw no emotion at the mention of their lost Mother but Michael had always been closer to their Father, as their Mother preferred spending time with Castiel as he found himself needing comfort from the coldness his Brothers showed him, she always knew what to say and do to rectify any conflict or situation without the need of violence or shouting. "Because Michael you're probably the biggest dick around and you know what this is something I should've said a long time ago. I am ashamed to call you my Brother and blood. When the time comes when you need help because the shit you've pulled has finally caught up with you, don't bother coming to me because I want nothing to do with you. You're a disgrace to Mom's memory."

Once Gabriel and Castiel arrived back at their Motel room they took a moment to reflect on what had happened. Castiel remained silent his fingers tapping his knees which were shaking uncontrollably and Gabriel pacing around trying to calm his nerve. "Okay it was a mistake coming here Cas." Castiel looked up at his Brother whose face was tight. "I can't believe I put you in danger. C'mon pack your things we're leaving before something else happens."

"Do you think Michael has informed Father?" Gabriel grabbed a handful of clothing shoving them roughly into his bag. "Wouldn't put it past the dick that's why we're leaving now. So please pack your stuff so we can go because if Dad does know he'll be looking for you and I don't want that psycho anywhere near you."

Lawrence, Kansas

Dean stood outside Chuck's door it took several moments before he knocked and waited; once the door opened Chuck smiled brightly. "Hey Dean did you just get back?"

"Yeah, have you seen Cas around?"

Chuck looked over his shoulder while walking on to the porch and closing the front door. "He went to Pontiac with his Brother said something about visiting his Mom's grave." Dean's stomach dropped at the news it wasn't hurt drop but more worry… Castiel had told him in passing that the graveyard his Mother was buried in was only miles away from the House he had grown up in. "He's been so mopey lately, nothing seemed to work to distract him." It made Dean smile a little as the thought warmed him that Cas felt the same as him due to their separation. "Do you know when he's coming back?" Chuck shrugged a little. "He said a couple days at least if I hear anything you'll be the first to know." Dean thanked Chuck as he made his way back to his House. What was strange was how Cas hadn't told him about going to Pontiac but knowing Cas it was most likely related to him getting over something that had happened there and he needed to overcome that fear. Yet… he had this feeling that just didn't seem to what to budge…

**A/N: I've decided its about time I complete this fanfic so I've got an idea. This one is going to be classed as complete and I'm going to start another like a mini-series and keep that up so there aren't going to be like endless chapters on one particular fanfiction. I think 41 chapters is impressive but I don't think I can keep adding on to it. I'll keep everyone updated on the next part of Dean & Castiel's story :) (I will probably recap everything in the first chapter of new story for reference .)**

**Thank you so much for all the support and feedback it's been fun! :D Keep an eye out on my profile or possibly Twitter for updates :)  
>*hugs* <strong>


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